(no subject)

[wickedwonka]

something is wrong with me.

i have lost it. i'm not sure i every really had it.
but there is something i have lost.

i want something different.
i want things to change.
but i don't even know what this picture of perfection,
i do not have, would look like.

for some reason, i have no creative drive.
which isn't strange considering i have no drives at all, really.

it's not a matter of being happy..
it's not a matter of even being content...
i yearn for not feeling restless, frustrated, overwhelemed or left behind.

my body is falling apart
and my mind is already there.

i am jealous.
of everyone.

this isn't a plea for sympathy,
that is the last thing i am looking for
because what good is that going to do me.

i need ________.
(fill in the blank, because i can't)