When you work it out I'm worse than you
Pain just reminds you that you're still alive. It's wicked comforting that way. That probably sounds like sarcasm but swear to God it's not. It's the one thing I could always count on, pain. And I don't wanna go into dissecting all the different kind of pain there is in the world cause shit by the end of that I'd be fixing to saw my wrists open.
Scar tissue. It all fades.
Yeah, if you're talking about the kind of pain that you can really wrap your head around. The kind that glows blue and then yellow on your face after one hell of a fight or the kind that leaves you with a giant scar on your stomach. Didn't think anything could hurt as much as B stabbing that knife into my gut. It's not like I didn't deserve it, least looking back on it now I know that much. Went too far when I tried to take down Angel and everybody knows there's no getting in the way of those two. But it wasn't just the feeling of the knife twisting around, it was her. That one second right after she stabbed me and I looked into her eyes and I just couldn't believe that she finally got the stones to actually kill me. Me and B might be cool now, but some part of me is always gonna remember that look everytime I meet her eyes.
It's the kind that creeps up on you in the middle of the night and reminds you that yes, it was actually you who slammed that stake into some guy's heart. It was you that watched the life drain out of his eyes and finally, it was you that weighted his body down and dumped him in the ocean. You did those things and no matter how much you try to make it right again? You'll just never be able to.
Still stand by my statement that it's a comfort though. Night Wes busted me out of prison I got my ass handed to me in a paper bag by the Beast and the next night by Angelus. Know it's weird to be standing on death's doorstep and just feel so good but it should be no surprise to anyone that I'm fucked up. It felt good cause I was alive, and I was free. Or at least as free as I can be. No more cages to hold me in, nothing to contain me except me.
Guess the moral of the story is that there's two sides to everything and I can see the bad. Hell, I was always best at seeing the bad, doesn't change what's true though. I need it, the pain. Could almost say I thrive on it.
Or maybe Angelus was right. Maybe I still just need someone to beat the bad out of me.
Scar tissue. It all fades.
Yeah, if you're talking about the kind of pain that you can really wrap your head around. The kind that glows blue and then yellow on your face after one hell of a fight or the kind that leaves you with a giant scar on your stomach. Didn't think anything could hurt as much as B stabbing that knife into my gut. It's not like I didn't deserve it, least looking back on it now I know that much. Went too far when I tried to take down Angel and everybody knows there's no getting in the way of those two. But it wasn't just the feeling of the knife twisting around, it was her. That one second right after she stabbed me and I looked into her eyes and I just couldn't believe that she finally got the stones to actually kill me. Me and B might be cool now, but some part of me is always gonna remember that look everytime I meet her eyes.
It's the kind that creeps up on you in the middle of the night and reminds you that yes, it was actually you who slammed that stake into some guy's heart. It was you that watched the life drain out of his eyes and finally, it was you that weighted his body down and dumped him in the ocean. You did those things and no matter how much you try to make it right again? You'll just never be able to.
Still stand by my statement that it's a comfort though. Night Wes busted me out of prison I got my ass handed to me in a paper bag by the Beast and the next night by Angelus. Know it's weird to be standing on death's doorstep and just feel so good but it should be no surprise to anyone that I'm fucked up. It felt good cause I was alive, and I was free. Or at least as free as I can be. No more cages to hold me in, nothing to contain me except me.
Guess the moral of the story is that there's two sides to everything and I can see the bad. Hell, I was always best at seeing the bad, doesn't change what's true though. I need it, the pain. Could almost say I thrive on it.
Or maybe Angelus was right. Maybe I still just need someone to beat the bad out of me.