Bitter pill
I just don't get it. Why everybody has to be so fucking possessive all the time like we all own eachother or something. Maybe it was cause I never really had that. Ya know? Closest people I have to giving a shit about me are Soul Boy and B and both of them are usually too busy mooning over eachother to give a shit about Faith. Not that I wouldn't give a kidney away to get in the middle of that sandwich but it's not the point. Actually I'm not sure what the point is. What is the point? Why do I even have this fucking livejournal? It's not like I'm all big on the writing and sharing and hugging and talking about my stupid feelings. Cause really, nobody gives a shit. I hate that I give a shit.
It's pretty clear what everyone comes to me and you know, I can respect that. When Spike's got me down on the floor calling me Buffy, what do I do? Do I kick him the fuck out and tell him to get over it? Naw. I go along with it, because that's the way it is. What would B do if that happened to her? If someone was calling her Faith while they were going at it? My bet is, she'd cry her little eyes out. Does she put a fucking spell on them or something? I just don't get it and I guess the worst part of it is she put it on me too. Doesn't mean I'm gonna go out and nail the next blonde thing I see and start calling her Buffy, but I get it I do. Probably why I just roll with those punches.
You'd think if you were born into this cute little picket fence cookie cutter life you'd wanna share that? Well, it's been my experience that no one ever wants to share anything with me. And yeah this sounds like it's directed at B but it's not. It's everybody I know. All the people that let me in their lives and then just keep me at an arm's distance. Like I wouldn't get it, or understand. And you know what? It's probably smart cause I don't get it and I'm not sure that I want to.
Being evil was so much easier than this shit.
So go ahead and whine and cry about how much easier life used to be, or about how you never get everything while some of us have nothing. And then you start to get something and you figure out that you're so used to nothing that you don't even know what to do with something, so you gotta push it away. And then you start keeping the people who wanna be something at an arm's distance. It's like this fucked up cycle that's never gonna end and right now all I wanna do is go out and hit something really fucking hard. Because life is really fucking hard and I'm getting tired of it. And that's the fucking truth.
Fred starts pulling all this shit that I see B and Spike and Angel and Lilah and everybody else I know doing the same thing. I don't know why I've been hiding from her except that it's starting to freak me out that she's around all the time, and that she takes care of me when I'm sick and gets jealous when I hook up with other people. So I just do to her what everybody else does to me and that's when I start to understand just how completely shitty we all are. Either that or everybody else is just rubbing off on me.
I didn't both locking any of this cause I don't care and you can all go fuck yourselves.
Angel, I swear to God if you reply to this with an 'I understand' I will stake you myself.
Wes, can I come crash on your couch for a few days? You got cable, right?
It's pretty clear what everyone comes to me and you know, I can respect that. When Spike's got me down on the floor calling me Buffy, what do I do? Do I kick him the fuck out and tell him to get over it? Naw. I go along with it, because that's the way it is. What would B do if that happened to her? If someone was calling her Faith while they were going at it? My bet is, she'd cry her little eyes out. Does she put a fucking spell on them or something? I just don't get it and I guess the worst part of it is she put it on me too. Doesn't mean I'm gonna go out and nail the next blonde thing I see and start calling her Buffy, but I get it I do. Probably why I just roll with those punches.
You'd think if you were born into this cute little picket fence cookie cutter life you'd wanna share that? Well, it's been my experience that no one ever wants to share anything with me. And yeah this sounds like it's directed at B but it's not. It's everybody I know. All the people that let me in their lives and then just keep me at an arm's distance. Like I wouldn't get it, or understand. And you know what? It's probably smart cause I don't get it and I'm not sure that I want to.
Being evil was so much easier than this shit.
So go ahead and whine and cry about how much easier life used to be, or about how you never get everything while some of us have nothing. And then you start to get something and you figure out that you're so used to nothing that you don't even know what to do with something, so you gotta push it away. And then you start keeping the people who wanna be something at an arm's distance. It's like this fucked up cycle that's never gonna end and right now all I wanna do is go out and hit something really fucking hard. Because life is really fucking hard and I'm getting tired of it. And that's the fucking truth.
Fred starts pulling all this shit that I see B and Spike and Angel and Lilah and everybody else I know doing the same thing. I don't know why I've been hiding from her except that it's starting to freak me out that she's around all the time, and that she takes care of me when I'm sick and gets jealous when I hook up with other people. So I just do to her what everybody else does to me and that's when I start to understand just how completely shitty we all are. Either that or everybody else is just rubbing off on me.
I didn't both locking any of this cause I don't care and you can all go fuck yourselves.
Angel, I swear to God if you reply to this with an 'I understand' I will stake you myself.
Wes, can I come crash on your couch for a few days? You got cable, right?