a public apology
I don't know what trigger in my head said that it would be a good idea to reopen old wounds and cause more pain than I already have.
I went with the intent of an apology and the desire to make amends, but there are some bridges that can't be unburned, and life is full of consequences.
There are some who think I repoened the wounds to torture myself, still others who think I should just have let it go, and one who says I am strapping a giant target on my back and asking anyone with a weapon to take aim.
Here's the deal -
I am not a very good friend. I am selfish. I lie. I paint portrayals of people to play on other people's emotions. I crave attention while simultaneously shunning it if it doesn't fit into whatever paradigm I am catering to at the time.
I say I crave honesty, but then I can't handle it when I hear it.
All I can do from this point on is be as honest as I can and to work as hard as I can to become a better person.
For those of you who have been on my "side" during the break-up, let me clear some things up.
1. I love her. Always have, always will
2. I convinced her that I never cared about her at all, all the while contradicting myself and holding on to whatever piece of her I could.
3. She is not the bad guy in this. I am. Don't argue with me, just listen, because this is as honest as I get.
4. I am not the victim. I don't need your sympathy. Those of you who have thought badly about her because of the picture I painted, I implore you to reconsider. Turn those bitter thoughts on me instead, for I am a master manipulator, guilty of painting giant tigers in the distance to hide my own claws and fangs.
5. I have not learned how to let go or say good bye. Instead, I just picked open a giant scab and let the blood spill where it will, not even thinking that I was causing more damage.
I am writing this of my own accord. I can't work on becoming a better person until I can honestly acknowledge my flaws and actions, and then work every single day to not repeat them.
This post is public. Comments are screened.
This is a part of The Honesty Project. I hope to not neglect it again as I have the last few months.
I feel like I've stepped out of a dark forest and am seeing natural light for the first time. My natural inclination is to run back into the darkness, because it's what I am familiar with.
I am selfish. Even this post is selfish because I want you all to know how I feel and what I want to do to change it.
Future Honesty Project posts will likely be locked down. I need to grow for me, not just to display myself for an audience.
I went with the intent of an apology and the desire to make amends, but there are some bridges that can't be unburned, and life is full of consequences.
There are some who think I repoened the wounds to torture myself, still others who think I should just have let it go, and one who says I am strapping a giant target on my back and asking anyone with a weapon to take aim.
Here's the deal -
I am not a very good friend. I am selfish. I lie. I paint portrayals of people to play on other people's emotions. I crave attention while simultaneously shunning it if it doesn't fit into whatever paradigm I am catering to at the time.
I say I crave honesty, but then I can't handle it when I hear it.
All I can do from this point on is be as honest as I can and to work as hard as I can to become a better person.
For those of you who have been on my "side" during the break-up, let me clear some things up.
1. I love her. Always have, always will
2. I convinced her that I never cared about her at all, all the while contradicting myself and holding on to whatever piece of her I could.
3. She is not the bad guy in this. I am. Don't argue with me, just listen, because this is as honest as I get.
4. I am not the victim. I don't need your sympathy. Those of you who have thought badly about her because of the picture I painted, I implore you to reconsider. Turn those bitter thoughts on me instead, for I am a master manipulator, guilty of painting giant tigers in the distance to hide my own claws and fangs.
5. I have not learned how to let go or say good bye. Instead, I just picked open a giant scab and let the blood spill where it will, not even thinking that I was causing more damage.
I am writing this of my own accord. I can't work on becoming a better person until I can honestly acknowledge my flaws and actions, and then work every single day to not repeat them.
This post is public. Comments are screened.
This is a part of The Honesty Project. I hope to not neglect it again as I have the last few months.
I feel like I've stepped out of a dark forest and am seeing natural light for the first time. My natural inclination is to run back into the darkness, because it's what I am familiar with.
I am selfish. Even this post is selfish because I want you all to know how I feel and what I want to do to change it.
Future Honesty Project posts will likely be locked down. I need to grow for me, not just to display myself for an audience.