Had another flashback tonight.
These had stopped for a while, but I've been having a bunch again in the last couple days and haven't been near paper or computers when they ocurred...so I didn't get to vent those. But I'm going to vent this one.
I just had a MASSIVE flashback to something that happened to me when I was six or seven years old. I was at the Naval Medical Clinic in Bethesda, MD with my step-mom. One of the guys she worked with, for whatever reason, asked me if there was something he could get me. I told him I wanted chocolate pudding. I think he was offering me candy; like maybe he offered me a piece of candy but I said I wanted pudding thinking he would do that instead.
Anyway, he told me he couldn't give me any pudding. But instead he gave me one of those cheapy suckers--I remember it was grape--they give you in a doctor's office. (Medical Clinic. Duh.) And then he told me he owed me, and so he wrote out on a napkin an I.O.U. for one snak pack.
What I remember most vividly is my stepmom saying something to me afterwards that made me feel very selfish for asking for pudding. So I ended up throwing the I.O.U away because I felt like I didn't deserve it. I can't remember WHAT she said, just that it made me feel like I was selfish. As if I knew any better than to ask for it when he was offering candy to me; I was SIX. I don't remember what she said to me, though. (And no, it wasn't anything about 'not accepting candy from strangers' because she was standing with me when it happened, and a co-worker is hardly a stranger.)
Dad does the same thing with Michael and Justine, now that I think harder about it; they make them both feel guilty for accepting gifts. (Just random gifts; gifts that are given for the hell of giving them, not holiday or birthday gifts)
I tried to give Justine a box of fruit roll-ups the last time she was here, after they brought me home from my last visit. He let her hang on to that box for a good fifteen minutes, but when it came time to leave he just told her to put the box down. Thinking there was some mistake I told him I gave it to her; she could have it. But he made her leave it.
They used to tell Michael not to accept gifts from his YaYa (Greek for 'Grandmother') when he went to visit her. I mean, they used to do that way back when he was five; he's 14 now. I don't think they exactly tell him that anymore, though. Its not like they could stop her anyway. I watched her give him fifty dollars in secret once--they can't stop what they don't know is happening. (I love YaYa. I wish Michael could go live with her in Greece. They'd treat him RIGHT. He'd be with his sister, my cousin Jaimie, too.)
This is why I hate my father. Honestly, he's more fucked up than his crack-whore sister in his own neurotic way. But that's a rant for another day. Those of you who know me well have heard just about every tale of abuse and injustice against Michael involving my dad.
Same plot.
Same cast.
New set design.
I just had a MASSIVE flashback to something that happened to me when I was six or seven years old. I was at the Naval Medical Clinic in Bethesda, MD with my step-mom. One of the guys she worked with, for whatever reason, asked me if there was something he could get me. I told him I wanted chocolate pudding. I think he was offering me candy; like maybe he offered me a piece of candy but I said I wanted pudding thinking he would do that instead.
Anyway, he told me he couldn't give me any pudding. But instead he gave me one of those cheapy suckers--I remember it was grape--they give you in a doctor's office. (Medical Clinic. Duh.) And then he told me he owed me, and so he wrote out on a napkin an I.O.U. for one snak pack.
What I remember most vividly is my stepmom saying something to me afterwards that made me feel very selfish for asking for pudding. So I ended up throwing the I.O.U away because I felt like I didn't deserve it. I can't remember WHAT she said, just that it made me feel like I was selfish. As if I knew any better than to ask for it when he was offering candy to me; I was SIX. I don't remember what she said to me, though. (And no, it wasn't anything about 'not accepting candy from strangers' because she was standing with me when it happened, and a co-worker is hardly a stranger.)
Dad does the same thing with Michael and Justine, now that I think harder about it; they make them both feel guilty for accepting gifts. (Just random gifts; gifts that are given for the hell of giving them, not holiday or birthday gifts)
I tried to give Justine a box of fruit roll-ups the last time she was here, after they brought me home from my last visit. He let her hang on to that box for a good fifteen minutes, but when it came time to leave he just told her to put the box down. Thinking there was some mistake I told him I gave it to her; she could have it. But he made her leave it.
They used to tell Michael not to accept gifts from his YaYa (Greek for 'Grandmother') when he went to visit her. I mean, they used to do that way back when he was five; he's 14 now. I don't think they exactly tell him that anymore, though. Its not like they could stop her anyway. I watched her give him fifty dollars in secret once--they can't stop what they don't know is happening. (I love YaYa. I wish Michael could go live with her in Greece. They'd treat him RIGHT. He'd be with his sister, my cousin Jaimie, too.)
This is why I hate my father. Honestly, he's more fucked up than his crack-whore sister in his own neurotic way. But that's a rant for another day. Those of you who know me well have heard just about every tale of abuse and injustice against Michael involving my dad.
Same plot.
Same cast.
New set design.