i had a plan :(
it's about time i updated.
so depressed lately, even though things are going pretty well. yup, i had a plan for my life. take difficult classes, get good grades, ya know, so i could do whatever i wanted when i got older and had something to fall back on if an interest of mine fell through. obviously go to college and basically do the same thing, but take photography cause i love pictures. but now, things are different.
i got screwed over with financial aid cause my parents split up, and i couldn't afford to go to UNH. it's not even that expensive. anyways, i had a choice to go in january, but i don't think i can anymore for some reason. i procrastinated with the stratham tech idea, and it's probably too late to take a couple classes since people have already signed up for their classes. besides i still can't qualify for different financial aid cause my mom and jd aren't divorced yet. ugh! why do i have to be the one to suffer from this sucky marriage. i was the one who didn't drop out, i got pretty good grades, and i worked my ass off. for what? absolutely nothing.
the real reason for this entry is cause of my friends. i've been slowly realzing that nothing will ever be the same. my friends are moving away. we will no longer enjoy movie nights, practically once a week like they once were. no more hanging out at cafe. no more prank wars. no more talking to friends at 3 a.m. cause we couldn't sleep. my best friend is going to UPENN, second besst friend is going to UNH, third is going to NHCTC. i'm staying here, and working for the first year out of high school. but the sad part is, i hardly talk to these friends. it's still summer and i talk to them maybe once every two or three weeks. i have a whole bunch of friends that are going to school throughout new england. and there's like one or two that are moving away soon, and i'll probably never see again. i grew up with these people, and when i had no family members to turn to cause they were all busy, i found comfort with my friends. and u can't say that we'll stay in touch because we won't. no matter how badly we want to call or write, we won't. it'll be one of those i-want-to-call-but-it'll-be-too-awkward times. maybe u don't care, but i do. i don't want some of the best people and memories of my life to slip away.
i can't even stand when i hear people talking about going to college. everywhere i go, someone is talking about it. my home, work, some random place hanging out with a friend, LJ. it never stops! i'm not mad at anyone except my self and this stupid situation. i'm actually excited and happy for u guys. maybe it's for the best. i'll probably get married like in a few years and i'm the happiest i've ever been. ryan is perfect for me. i know it's wierd, but there is soooo much we have in common. i believe things happen for a reason, but i really wish i knew what my reason was for not going to college right away. maybe next year, if jd gets a photography studio i can go work for him and enjoy what i do for a living. that would be sweet!
on another note, i got a 3 on my AP Calc test!!!!! yeah i was excited. too bad it won't help me in the future.