(no subject)
Things are well, for the most part.
The most difficult part about everything is trying to better myself. I have slowly been restoring my sense of "fake happiness" for the benifit of those around me, but what good does that do myself? How am i suppose to improve myself when I cannot even get help from those closest around me. I wish to be better friends with my two new roommates, so that I don't have to be upset in my room alone. But it's not fair to spill problems on them so soon, especially with the hope of them dissapearing or limiting themselves soon.
But how?
I apologize for the vague entry, as I am depressed, but I am sure it will pass.
I guess I just want a sign that what I am doing is for real. That the choices that I have made thus far were the right ones, so that I can stop wasting my time thinking about how things are "suppose to be." I want caring words to be words above everything else, and before defensive, self righteous hurtful words. I know I suck at explaining things, especially my feelings, but at least I try. I just don't want to destroy myself for something/someone that doesn't really feel the same. I want a sign, and I have to be prepared for a good OR bad one.
On a different note, I'm back at the Gardner. But not for too long if they don't fix my schedule (aka put me on the watch desk, and hopefully control room shortly after. I wasn't trained in that for no reason.). Otherwise, I will be doing catering until i get enough money for bartending school. I still want to apply to Avalon to be a dancer. I mean some of those girls are fat, why cant I work there? It makes sense.
I guess that's it.
I had a nice day off until 3:3o. But it could get better. /shrug.
Hairballs are gross. especially when they are shaped like the intenstines that they emerged from and you step on them in barefeet unsuspectingly.
The most difficult part about everything is trying to better myself. I have slowly been restoring my sense of "fake happiness" for the benifit of those around me, but what good does that do myself? How am i suppose to improve myself when I cannot even get help from those closest around me. I wish to be better friends with my two new roommates, so that I don't have to be upset in my room alone. But it's not fair to spill problems on them so soon, especially with the hope of them dissapearing or limiting themselves soon.
But how?
I apologize for the vague entry, as I am depressed, but I am sure it will pass.
I guess I just want a sign that what I am doing is for real. That the choices that I have made thus far were the right ones, so that I can stop wasting my time thinking about how things are "suppose to be." I want caring words to be words above everything else, and before defensive, self righteous hurtful words. I know I suck at explaining things, especially my feelings, but at least I try. I just don't want to destroy myself for something/someone that doesn't really feel the same. I want a sign, and I have to be prepared for a good OR bad one.
On a different note, I'm back at the Gardner. But not for too long if they don't fix my schedule (aka put me on the watch desk, and hopefully control room shortly after. I wasn't trained in that for no reason.). Otherwise, I will be doing catering until i get enough money for bartending school. I still want to apply to Avalon to be a dancer. I mean some of those girls are fat, why cant I work there? It makes sense.
I guess that's it.
I had a nice day off until 3:3o. But it could get better. /shrug.
Hairballs are gross. especially when they are shaped like the intenstines that they emerged from and you step on them in barefeet unsuspectingly.