Change
Change is that you? That pretty lost girl who has been following me through the stacks? Dressed in Night, charcoal tresses, hollow translucent skin? But maybe you aren't change but change is coming. I can tell. I've wanted changed and then the haunts that fill this house the aches and moans and wails of lost souls and the whispering of a return of a troll like presence have brought me down, that with in change embrace monotony, within happiness embrace depression. But now clean, clear, motivation. Simple enlightening... The pursuit of change. Have I brought change, with the hope that sometimes dances across my eyes? Or do they finally recognize it. I'm scared not of change but of their change... why now, how? Yet another false promise to raise me into clouds only to hit the glass sky and fall, breaking into the earth. My feet disgusted by the mashed blueberries covered in years of dirt and grime despite all my efforts and those of others.
Is it now a time where I can lick the ground like wallpaper and taste strawberries instead of snosberries? Is it yet possible that is what my future holds. That is what THIS future holds?
An aching an emptiness that I thought was in my stomach is in my heart. Why do words hurt so much? Because of truth? Because of pressure? because of the possibility of loss?
Each step forward is two steps back. Progress? I can only dream its true. Their change has me hopeful, but it hurts. His need of change has me lost, and that too hurts.
Alone is not an option. Alone is only a possibility.
I will claw forward. But I dont want to do it for him. I want to do for me. I have been trying. His happiness is only found without me. No not true... yes?
If he wants me to change to better my self I agree I need to change Ive wanted this change. But to be a toy to be changed for his pleasure, never.
I want to embrace change but the ends never justify the means.
Is it now a time where I can lick the ground like wallpaper and taste strawberries instead of snosberries? Is it yet possible that is what my future holds. That is what THIS future holds?
An aching an emptiness that I thought was in my stomach is in my heart. Why do words hurt so much? Because of truth? Because of pressure? because of the possibility of loss?
Each step forward is two steps back. Progress? I can only dream its true. Their change has me hopeful, but it hurts. His need of change has me lost, and that too hurts.
Alone is not an option. Alone is only a possibility.
I will claw forward. But I dont want to do it for him. I want to do for me. I have been trying. His happiness is only found without me. No not true... yes?
If he wants me to change to better my self I agree I need to change Ive wanted this change. But to be a toy to be changed for his pleasure, never.
I want to embrace change but the ends never justify the means.