Hard times come again no more
I am ok, first off, not good, but ok and surviving. I'm not in any danger of losing my roof, or going hungry, and the necessary bills are paid, there will be a small giftmas for the family.
But I'm not doing great. I've seemingly lost some of my love of all things Wintermas, and I am so very tired of feeling like all gifts I bother to try and accomplish will not be appreciated.
I am having some unfun flareup issues, including depression, exhaustion and being at a higher pain level more consistently than I like.
A lot of it is purely accomodation issues. Our bed is breaking down, so I don't recover as easily, our office chairs are old and tired, which means they are even farther from ergonomic than they started, which was not great. There are issues of needing desperately to clean up, without the spoons to do it, even though cleaning up would help with having the ability to do more things and regenerating more spoons.
I keep trying to make do or do without, but it is significantly frustrating to know that with a little more money, a little more oomph, a little more whatever, this could be a magical season, instead of being the second or third year in a row of feeling like a failure and my normal wintermas cheer turned to depression. I want to be doing all the crafting, but I am falling further and further behind where I wanted to be.
I am unsure how to fix this, really, other than just letting it be, doing what can be done, and waiting for things to improve, which they generally do, and try really hard to plan for next year, much farther in advance.
I need to figure out a way of getting around the depression, I need to find work arounds for the accomodation issues while I wait for them to be fixed. (yes they are being worked on, its just slow going and affected by money) I need to stop whinging and get up every day to go drag through the craft work that I want to have done, whether I feel like it or not.
At least it is all FWP and I don't have to be afraid of losing our housing or starving, and we do have some things planned and a scheduled family thing. Mostly, it is in my head, and I really wish my brain weasels would be evicted.
But I'm not doing great. I've seemingly lost some of my love of all things Wintermas, and I am so very tired of feeling like all gifts I bother to try and accomplish will not be appreciated.
I am having some unfun flareup issues, including depression, exhaustion and being at a higher pain level more consistently than I like.
A lot of it is purely accomodation issues. Our bed is breaking down, so I don't recover as easily, our office chairs are old and tired, which means they are even farther from ergonomic than they started, which was not great. There are issues of needing desperately to clean up, without the spoons to do it, even though cleaning up would help with having the ability to do more things and regenerating more spoons.
I keep trying to make do or do without, but it is significantly frustrating to know that with a little more money, a little more oomph, a little more whatever, this could be a magical season, instead of being the second or third year in a row of feeling like a failure and my normal wintermas cheer turned to depression. I want to be doing all the crafting, but I am falling further and further behind where I wanted to be.
I am unsure how to fix this, really, other than just letting it be, doing what can be done, and waiting for things to improve, which they generally do, and try really hard to plan for next year, much farther in advance.
I need to figure out a way of getting around the depression, I need to find work arounds for the accomodation issues while I wait for them to be fixed. (yes they are being worked on, its just slow going and affected by money) I need to stop whinging and get up every day to go drag through the craft work that I want to have done, whether I feel like it or not.
At least it is all FWP and I don't have to be afraid of losing our housing or starving, and we do have some things planned and a scheduled family thing. Mostly, it is in my head, and I really wish my brain weasels would be evicted.