(no subject)
This is an annocuncement from the ivory tower communications network
Against the evidence the elusive reclusive Amanda is still in this plane of existance, in an unfortunate disposition.
The past month has been quite eventful to say the least
all the loverly graduation festivities
BOYFRIEND?????!!??!????
yes i somehow aquired a boyfriend as of june 7th???? his name is Max most everyone knows him by reputation if not by aquantience.
the happiest place on earth
went to disneyland, oddly enough BLOODY LOVED it despite everyone and their extended family was there.
ironically despite all the wonderful and exciting events of my life in the past undocumented month of existance a deep severe and unquelled meloncoly persists and i am quite tormented by it, on one side i am in a very good place, wonderful friends,adventure and excitement but I am in a very bad place and i want to sleep forever and be selfdestructive and not exist and everyday i feel like as i go out and live life it seems that i slip a little farther and it gets harder to wade through it and take my pills and stay awake and smile and speak and to only use my razor to shave and never never ever cut, not even the tinyest of lovely scarlet lines on purpose. I am also losing my apitite and eating less and less, well there is less of a will which means i don't activly seek out food.
and sadly and hard to admit is I think this is part of the reason i have been MIA i am just mentally shutting everything out and trying to cut myself off. I swear my mind is truly a sort o jekkel and hyde and miss Hyde is truly reeking havoc over my mind.
This was supposed to be a cheery "I do exist post" I am sorry.
Against the evidence the elusive reclusive Amanda is still in this plane of existance, in an unfortunate disposition.
The past month has been quite eventful to say the least
all the loverly graduation festivities
BOYFRIEND?????!!??!????
yes i somehow aquired a boyfriend as of june 7th???? his name is Max most everyone knows him by reputation if not by aquantience.
the happiest place on earth
went to disneyland, oddly enough BLOODY LOVED it despite everyone and their extended family was there.
ironically despite all the wonderful and exciting events of my life in the past undocumented month of existance a deep severe and unquelled meloncoly persists and i am quite tormented by it, on one side i am in a very good place, wonderful friends,adventure and excitement but I am in a very bad place and i want to sleep forever and be selfdestructive and not exist and everyday i feel like as i go out and live life it seems that i slip a little farther and it gets harder to wade through it and take my pills and stay awake and smile and speak and to only use my razor to shave and never never ever cut, not even the tinyest of lovely scarlet lines on purpose. I am also losing my apitite and eating less and less, well there is less of a will which means i don't activly seek out food.
and sadly and hard to admit is I think this is part of the reason i have been MIA i am just mentally shutting everything out and trying to cut myself off. I swear my mind is truly a sort o jekkel and hyde and miss Hyde is truly reeking havoc over my mind.
This was supposed to be a cheery "I do exist post" I am sorry.