I only have time for one chapter right now, but I hope to have time for more this evening.
I like your fight scene, I know a good fight scene is hard to write and yours is quite well done. It reminded me a lot of the lion scene. Having ti be heard through the radio, certainly heightens the sense of danger and suspense. I loved hearing over the radio, that they had "killed" our boy with two bullets. Made me giggle, stupid bad guys. Can't wait to see what develops there.
I like that you brought in Miranda and Min, and the baby(eee!). I hope we get a name later on down the line. I feel like having the infant present ratchets up the danger factor, somehow. We know Hyde won't (intentionally) harm his children but other people's? Probably not, and K&U? Even less likely to have qualms. Miranda's conditions seem to be foreshadowing. Not to mention the last line of this chapter. I'm interested to see if Hyde will bring Claire suffering.
I love the line, "even monsters can have moments of grace." You certainly can turn a phrase.
The characterization of Min is wonderful and infectiously cheerful. Which I'm sure will become a welcome break for the angst from time to time. Hyde come through vivid and delightfully destructive. Miranda continues to be deeply insightful, and possibly psychic. And to be perfectly honest I kinda like your Claire better than the original. She seems more in control than she was in the show, she's more like the Claire from the basement scene all the time, instead of just that once.
Only suggestion, thus far, longer chapters, I know that a lot of the story is already written, but if you ever go back and edit. Having only two rather short scenes a chapter, just doesn't feel like enough. I understand this was probably done to expedite an update but you might think about combining chapters, when and if you ever go back. Anyway, I hope the chapters become more packed and longer as we get deeper and deeper into the story.
I like your fight scene, I know a good fight scene is hard to write and yours is quite well done. It reminded me a lot of the lion scene. Having ti be heard through the radio, certainly heightens the sense of danger and suspense. I loved hearing over the radio, that they had "killed" our boy with two bullets. Made me giggle, stupid bad guys. Can't wait to see what develops there.
I like that you brought in Miranda and Min, and the baby(eee!). I hope we get a name later on down the line. I feel like having the infant present ratchets up the danger factor, somehow. We know Hyde won't (intentionally) harm his children but other people's? Probably not, and K&U? Even less likely to have qualms. Miranda's conditions seem to be foreshadowing. Not to mention the last line of this chapter. I'm interested to see if Hyde will bring Claire suffering.
I love the line, "even monsters can have moments of grace." You certainly can turn a phrase.
The characterization of Min is wonderful and infectiously cheerful. Which I'm sure will become a welcome break for the angst from time to time. Hyde come through vivid and delightfully destructive. Miranda continues to be deeply insightful, and possibly psychic. And to be perfectly honest I kinda like your Claire better than the original. She seems more in control than she was in the show, she's more like the Claire from the basement scene all the time, instead of just that once.
Only suggestion, thus far, longer chapters, I know that a lot of the story is already written, but if you ever go back and edit. Having only two rather short scenes a chapter, just doesn't feel like enough. I understand this was probably done to expedite an update but you might think about combining chapters, when and if you ever go back. Anyway, I hope the chapters become more packed and longer as we get deeper and deeper into the story.
Brava, my dear, Brava
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