Where I've been ?
Well I've been in a funk lately. I don't know why, but it's not fun. I have no desire to leave my room or even really contact anyone. I have been getting out though. I've been going to work, and then every day after my friend Quela gets off work she comes over and we go get food and talk. The other night was actually a fun night, we rode around town for about 5 hours playing padiddle. If you've never played it before here's how it goes. You get people in your car at night and go driving around. If you see a vehicle with a headlight or tail light that's out you hit the roof of the car and shout "PADIDDLE" and everyone else in the car has to take off an article of clothing. I was the only one in the car with cloths on by about 5am. Everything was going good after that and I could really feel my spirits raising, until last night. Last night two of my friends approached me and told me that I was living my life in a very immature manner. I was so pissed I was shaking and I didn't want to open my mouth for fear of what might come out. Maybe the fact that each of them are still living in their apartments because of me. I have helped them with rent for a few months now, and haven't gotten a single thank you, instead I get attacked for the way I live my life. I don't want to live my life from paycheck to paycheck wondering if I'm gonna have some food at night if I don't have to. My parents offer me a place to stay for rent enough to cover groceries every month which isn't much. I don't want to move out and pay 4x what I'm paying now for rent when I'm trying to save up for school, and helping my family with finances. What if I lost my job I would be thrown into panic mode because I wouldnt' know what to do. I've always had that support beam and I've always had my parents to fall back on just in case. My "friends" have both been living fairly independantly since they were 16 and have jumped from job to job so now they can't find jobs and I'm helping them get by. So what if I leave my parents a note letting them know where I'm going. I do live in their house so if I'm not home and I haven't previously said anything about having plans they have no idea where I am. It's called respect. I may be approaching 21 fast, but I do still live in their house, so I do still have to abide by their rules.
Another thing that was brought up are my morals. The big ones being not drinking until I'm 21 and not having sex until I'm married. I don't care if anyone else drinks before they are of age, it's just not for me. But I get told by friends that that is childish, and that I need to let my hair down and have fun sometimes. You can have fun and not be drunk off your ass. Also, I was told that if I want to find a partner I need to be willing to have sex. . . Not true, and it's not going to happen. If someone doesn't have enough respect for me and my morals to wait until marriage then they are not right for me. I have no problem with people that do have sex before they are married, but I have more self respect than to throw myself at any person that says "Hi" like these two do.
I ended up having to leave the house and I went for a nice 30 minute walk in 25 degrees wearing shorts and a tshirt. I came back and grabbed my shit looked at them and said, I dont' care how you live your life, so don't worry about how I live mine, If you don't like it deal with it, and then i left. I am so done with having everyone break my life down and look for all of it's negative aspects.
Anyhow I was just climbing out of the hole that I was in when I got kicked back down to the bottom. I feel pretty shitty not gonna lie. I wish so much that some of my online friends lived close to me. I think you guys are the only ones that dont' judge me.
Another thing that was brought up are my morals. The big ones being not drinking until I'm 21 and not having sex until I'm married. I don't care if anyone else drinks before they are of age, it's just not for me. But I get told by friends that that is childish, and that I need to let my hair down and have fun sometimes. You can have fun and not be drunk off your ass. Also, I was told that if I want to find a partner I need to be willing to have sex. . . Not true, and it's not going to happen. If someone doesn't have enough respect for me and my morals to wait until marriage then they are not right for me. I have no problem with people that do have sex before they are married, but I have more self respect than to throw myself at any person that says "Hi" like these two do.
I ended up having to leave the house and I went for a nice 30 minute walk in 25 degrees wearing shorts and a tshirt. I came back and grabbed my shit looked at them and said, I dont' care how you live your life, so don't worry about how I live mine, If you don't like it deal with it, and then i left. I am so done with having everyone break my life down and look for all of it's negative aspects.
Anyhow I was just climbing out of the hole that I was in when I got kicked back down to the bottom. I feel pretty shitty not gonna lie. I wish so much that some of my online friends lived close to me. I think you guys are the only ones that dont' judge me.