Flight of the Pathetic Loser
It has been so long since I have been here. I had nearly forgotten that I had a live journal until I stumbled upon a web ring with some lj users. There has been so much to happen. The most is a whopping 80 pounds lost along with 20 gained back. Disgusted fed up and desperate for an answer I am hoping that turning to writing might help. But even then I am unsure if this vain attempt will alleviate any of my emotional and mental anguish.
Finally it has happened. A proper diagnosis "Bipolar, Bulimia Nervosa with Anorectic tendencies." Delicious. Not really. I miscarried a child recently but I am with a wonderful man who loves me for all of my positive attributes as well as the faults. There are times I wonder why he even wants be but perhaps I shouldn't question what I have and just enjoy it while it lasts.
I am not in Wisconsin anymore. It is a good thing because I was losing all touch with reality out there. A constant barrage of drinking, drug, promiscuity, and self-destruction. Escape was the only option. Then to come back to Florida. Ah how it was not helpful. The bikini-clad waifs with their bleach blond hair and teeth to match prancing around hipbones protruding proved to be only harder on my self esteem than Cheddar Land. After a few break downs and a couple emotionally numbing prescriptions I have found this shaky unstable ground that I currently tread. Nothing is really happening.
I am stagnant.
I want to jump off a bridge.
30 pounds need to disappear.
NOW
Finally it has happened. A proper diagnosis "Bipolar, Bulimia Nervosa with Anorectic tendencies." Delicious. Not really. I miscarried a child recently but I am with a wonderful man who loves me for all of my positive attributes as well as the faults. There are times I wonder why he even wants be but perhaps I shouldn't question what I have and just enjoy it while it lasts.
I am not in Wisconsin anymore. It is a good thing because I was losing all touch with reality out there. A constant barrage of drinking, drug, promiscuity, and self-destruction. Escape was the only option. Then to come back to Florida. Ah how it was not helpful. The bikini-clad waifs with their bleach blond hair and teeth to match prancing around hipbones protruding proved to be only harder on my self esteem than Cheddar Land. After a few break downs and a couple emotionally numbing prescriptions I have found this shaky unstable ground that I currently tread. Nothing is really happening.
I am stagnant.
I want to jump off a bridge.
30 pounds need to disappear.
NOW