Dear Dogs and Cats
This is brilliant!!! Enjoy! ----buGG
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain
your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my
food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate
and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing
in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is
not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the
object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster
than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue
sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball
when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the
extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight
out and having tongues hanging out on the other end
to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the lst time, there is no secret exit from the
bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and
and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to
claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door.
I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I
have been using the bathroom for years -
canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go
smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this
enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO
COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes,
stay off the furniture. That's why they call it
'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted
sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all
fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because
they,
(1) eat less.
(2) don't ask for money all the time.
(3) are easier to train
(4) normally come when called
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people
(7) don't smoke or drink
(8) don't want to wear your clothes
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.