I'm done pulling punches
This morning for me it started with a name: Eurydice Dixon.
For those who are unaware, as I was until reading an article in The Lily (https://www.thelily.com/), Eurydice Dixon was an Australian comedian who was raped and murdered walking home from a late night gig through Prince’s Park in Melbourne. She was literally almost to her home when a man decided to attack her, violate her, and take her life.
Read here for more information about Eurydice Dixon: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/australasia/eurydice-dixon-australia-comedian-raped-murdered-melbourne-jaymes-todd-gig-a8399871.html
I’ve been angry a lot over the past year and a half.
The rape and murder of this woman speaks to the endemic problem in our world of rape culture and the devaluation of people, especially women. I know she is far from the only one and she happened to be white. I know this problem is widespread among women of color as well; she is the one who caught my attention today and renewed my anger.
I am, first and foremost, angry at myself. I am angry that I have not done more, I am angry at my own perceived helplessness, I am angry that my first thought was that I would never do what she did because of my fear of having the same happen to me. I am angry that the coping mechanisms I have developed are merely a way to make sure someone else is the target of sexual violence.
My anger flags at times. It is exhausting to be angry. And I feel as a Christian I am supposed to be slow to anger, and abounding in love. It is difficult to love those who choose to violate their fellow people.
I am angry at them. I am angry that anyone feels that are so entitled to someone else’s body that they take it by force. I am angry that anyone buys into the myth that someone else’s sacred body is something they deserve.
Rape culture perpetuates this myth that people (generally men) are entitled to someone else’s body. That if that person does not do or say the right things, they deserve their treatment. This abuse is infuriating. It is saddening. It creates a feeling of helplessness. The feeling for women that we need to be “nice” to men or we will be raped or worse. At best, rape culture leads to harassment; words or actions that we try to ignore and shrug off. At its worst, rape culture takes our lives, whether we die or not. If you think that a rape victim can simply “get over” their trauma and have no lasting effects, you are part of the problem.
Read more about rape culture here: https://www.marshall.edu/wcenter/sexual-assault/rape-culture/
Get facts about sexual violence here: https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence
This morning came after I had seen a news article last night about the current administration further cutting funds to Title X and changing the language therein. (This article right here was what I read: https://secondnexus.com/news/trump-title-x-funding-abortion/) (I also later read this one: https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2018/06/06/donald-trump-title-x-changes-birth-control-abortion-contraception-column/672801002/)
The phrase that stuck out to me in the first article was that instead of including any language about contraception, women would be responsible for learning “refusal skills” (aka abstinence) to avoid unwanted pregnancies. Really? In the culture where there are people who feel entitled to my body I should just learn to refuse them? I spoke to this in an essay I wrote last month on the effect of abstinence education in the church.
Putting the obvious fact that the separation of church and state is being blatantly ignored in this instance (and honestly, most instances on the agenda of these “Christian” leaders) aside, this is still an egregious example of rape culture at work. This continues to send the message that not only are women responsible for sexual activity, we are at fault. If we only refused men, everything would be fine. We wouldn’t be perceived as whores, we wouldn’t get pregnant, we wouldn’t get raped and murdered on soccer fields. If we accepted that men run our lives, everything would be just fine.
This is all patriarchal bullshit, plain and simple.
This is about men needing to exert power over women the only way they feel still works, by exerting power over our physical bodies.
This is about all the so-called “incels” who believe that they are entitled to a woman’s body and that is how they have worth in the eyes of other men. (You can read about these people here: https://www.newyorker.com/culture/cultural-comment/the-rage-of-the-incels)
This comes out of toxic masculinity and the failure to present an alternative form of masculinity that does not rely on anger and dominance.
This is about treating people as less than ourselves, no matter the reason.
In addition to being angry about all that I’ve already said above, I’m of course angry and saddened by the current situation in immigration. I can’t help but feel these things are related. Looking at a person as “other”, as one does when buying into rape culture, is exactly what makes things like this zero tolerance immigration policy possible. We dehumanize the “other.” We make them less. We make it possible for children to be separated from their parents. By our lack of response, our apathy because we feel that these issues are too big to tackle, our lack of empathy and our dehumanization of others, WE MAKE THIS POSSIBLE. We are well past “thoughts and prayers” territory here.
Prayer works when accompanied by action. I feel like Christians in particular like to claim that if we pray, God will act, so we don’t have to. And God does act. But in this world God can and does act through us. We are His body. We are his hands and feet in this world. We can start by treating everyone as a human being, imago Dei, a creation of the Heavenly Father that deserves love and honor and mercy.
If someone claims any of this is about justice, it is not. We need rule of law, yes. But we also need empathy. Empathy keeps us human. Mercy keeps us human. Especially if we claim to be Christians, we know God is just, but He is also merciful.
I feel like I’m bouncing back and forth, but this is what my brain is like these days.
I cannot take everything on my shoulders. The mental strain gets to be too much, unfortunately. I am not and cannot be perfect in every stance I take. I can only try my best. If I am wrong, I will try to admit it and do better. The actions I take are the ones that I deem best, according to the faith I live by, and they will not always have the intended effect.
I know all these things, but I cannot do nothing. I cannot simply pray and hope that these things go away. I cannot simply stand by and watch. For my own sake, for my daughter’s sake, for the sake of my family, for the sake of everyone made in God’s image, I cannot be silent.