ORIGINAL: Breathless
Summary: like an ambushed deer, I shattered
Word count: 946
About the story: The second story from my femslash opus I have ever written, back in 2004., if I remember correctly.
Those eyes will haunt me for the rest of my life, I swear. And her voice will echo in the back of my mind every time - every fucking time - I look at another woman. A new lover… or just a friend, it doesn’t matter. I am a slave of my own weaknesses and she knew it. How incredibly selfish of her to enchant me this way.
Like a light summer breeze her name brushed against my lips, and I swore that day that I’ll never allow myself a single minute without the beauty of her presence. That limber body that spoke to me more clearly than any language in the world ever could, that smile that could throw me into the abyss of lust, primal and forbidden. Like goddess. The temptress.
I would forget myself with each questioning look she sent me, as if testing me, reaching out to find my limits. I was like an open book to her, begging to be read over and over. She would come so close and then pull away. Driving me to the edge of madness.
She broke all of my boundaries and made me realize just how small and insignificant I really am. Her warmth would then lift me right up to the sky where everything was so bright and clear and fresh. The new feeling of myself. The brand new discovery of life and how glorious it could be.
Watching her move across the room as she absentmindedly adjusted her sundress and brushed her fingers through her hair; I started wishing I could live my life in one perpetual déjà vu where all I’ll ever see is this - the morning sun spilling through the windows and timid wind blowing, bringing us the scent of the far away sea. And then she would turn to me and slowly - sleepily - blink her eyes as an invitation into her arms.
Her lips still warm and my breath shallow, the feeling of her skin against my own. Riding on the waves of illusion I melted into her arms, soaking in every little touch she offered. And I was craving more. Desperately.
I watched her sound asleep so many times. Her face was one of an innocent child; peaceful, smiling away as she dreamed of pretty things. Her hair would fall around her face, glowing like a raging fire in the light of dawn. I caressed her face with my gaze; I followed down the curve of her neck just barely holding myself back from touching her. And when I’d cave in and when my fingers got bold enough to reach over and move the strand of hair from her face, her eyes would flutter open and she’d leave me breathless once again.
My God, so inviting. So alluring, that look she gave me. How was I the lucky one to be at this place, at this time? Leaning in to touch those lips, to feel just how soft and tender this intense feeling could be, I closed my eyes and let myself go offering everything I owned in the world to her.
I could feel the touch of her fingers, gentle, at the back of my neck and they made me shiver. Just like the first time. Just like every time since then. Familiar and yet so distinct and mystifying - clouding my judgment and making me fall even deeper under her spell. Impatient hands then pawing at any piece of exposed flesh, the whirlwind romance turning into a torrid affair. So hopeless and ruthless, desperate and raw. Complete physical intoxication, the overload of senses, fingers digging deep into the skin… almost flying.
Spent, with a tired smile curving her lips she spoke to me. The barely audible whisper and the feeling of her hot breath on my neck; I was lost. Forgotten in the depths of her. Drowning in the eyes deeper than any ocean out there. Would I be found ever again, now that I’ve given in to her? Would she reach out and save me like she promised she would with her first words directed at me? ‘Envision the beauty, and then forget about everything else’, she said. ‘If you do, I just might show you the life how you always imagined it to be. Just hang on to me.’
And I did, I held on to her so fervently my soul started to bleed. Eternity seemed like a blink of an eye with her. But how far up can you go before the inevitable fall? It seems that all beautiful things must end before they even begin.
How she understood my thoughts without me explaining, how she guessed my wishes without me saying anything, how she broke my resolve every time without trying too hard or how she captivated me with the smallest things… it will forever make me wonder. Who was she and where did she come from? Was she just a fluke, a wonderful twist of faith, a glorious gift meant for someone else? Was I ultimately punished for interfering with the Master plan, and how dared I?
And then, just like she appeared she was gone. Totally unprepared, like an ambushed deer, I shattered. Was it a dream while it lasted? Did it ever happen at all? Now, the wind is still here to remind me. Sun is merciless every morning in its attempt to disclose my pain. The sheets, ruffled but cold. The empty feeling thumping wildly, deep in my chest. The tears burning my face. It’s hopeless, the attempt to run away from it all; almost like a non-believer asking God for forgiveness.
I’m powerless. Her scent… it lingers.
The end.