(no subject)
I moved in with josh and people. they are all nice to me but i feel like i dont belong. that i am in the way. I compensate for that by trying to do as much housework as i can. It makes me feel better for a little bit. I missed registering for school and i dunno how that will affect me going back. I need to look for a job real soon so i feel alittle better about it. I heard mum packed up the rest of my room. so my stuff is prolly broken the rest of the way. She found eye drops and rolling papers in my room and told lies to tiffa's family about my being on drugs. I knew they didnt trust me but i neve thought they would take my mum's word over mine. I know what she is trying to do. THey wont let me see tiffa now. They even drug tested her and that pisses me off. THey threatened to get her checked to see if she had sex before but didnt. i swear i will murder the person who puts anything inside her. peeing in a cup might not have been bad for her but to me it is just horribly wrong. she gets blamed for things they suspect about me. and i didnt even do the things. I feel like i need to just stay away. from everyone. just disapear. then none of this will matter. I love her so much that i know this will work out. i didnt do any drugs and i want to take a test myself to prove it. Her mum says she believes me. I dunno though. she was one that suspected me in the first place. Even if she does believe me. it doesnt make up for her jumping to comclusions. i cant see tiffa anymore. i feel like suicide. no. then i feel like murder. murder everyone and everything that is causing this. then i know that i cant do that. I love her so much that i have to make it work. It will work. i dont understand though. if her mother believes me then why cant she tell them that tiffa can come see me. She is tiffs mother. and the mother of the one that says i cant see tiff. and a sister-in-law to the other. the eye drops were from a friend named william ballew when i was in highschool. he got new glasses and got free samples of them./ i asked for one to make it look like i had been crying. took it home and threw it in a corner. The rolling papers were from another friend named mckenzie jett. He had them and said he didnt need them. did i want them? i said sure. ill put some of my pipe tobacco in it to see if it is good that way. i took the paper home and threw it under my matress and forgot about it. I quit doing drugs for tiffa. i dont need them. she is my drug now. my addiction. and they suspect me of drugs so now i cant get my fix of tiff. I dont know what i did to deserve this. It is ruining me. i see the changes. many of them. fast, complete in a days time. Am i reverting? will i be the way i used to be? tiffa doesnt love that man. i cant be that man. noone really sees whats burning inside of me. i dont want them to see. all this. is worse than death. death would be a sweet release from this torment... but no. i must be strong for her. she is my reason to live. and as long as breath is in her then i will live. Her love for me... my love for her. it is all that keeps me going. IT is enough to motivate me to work this out. all will be well... either that. or death will prevail