Yes and No
Title: Yes and No
Author: fabala_belle
Disclaimer: Wicked belongs to Gregory Maguire.
Rating: light R
Verse: Book.
Prompt Name: Window
Pairing: Pfannee/Shenshen (with some Pfannee/Chuffrey and Glinda/Chuffrey)
Summary: Years after graduation, Pfannee is caught up in the game of temptation that she plays with the men of the Emerald City. When one man breaks the rules, it takes the only friend she ever had to put her back together.
Pfannee was not a prostitute.
She’d been called that often enough, and her trade, of course, was temptation. But temptation, she would have explained had she ever found someone to talk to about her thoughts, was not the same as sex, and she certainly did not trade in sex.
Pfannee’s first word had been “no,” according to her first Ama. The Ama hadn’t lasted long. “No” had. Even as she added more words to her repertoire, “no” had remained her favorite word. She loved the power of it, the power of denial. She also liked to say “I want,” but just because she wanted didn’t mean that she’d ever have. “No” was final. “No” meant that she would not give in, that she had the final say, that the matter at hand was under her control. “No” meant freedom.
Temptation was a marvelous thing when one had such a strong grasp of “no.” Not one man had ever refused her anything, hoping that by giving her just one more diamond necklace, by accompanying her to just one more ball, by offering her just one more vacation in the countryside, he’d get what he most wanted - her hand in marriage, her body, her beauty. Pfannee teased and flirted, and then, when he asked too much of her, she said “no,” sending him back to the start, making him fight his way back into her affections again. Not that she actually had affectionate feelings towards him, of course, but he didn’t need to know that.
She lived alone, surrounded by finery provided by the many men she’d tempted and eventually broken. The finery, with the exception of the jewelry and clothing, was never seen by anyone but her and the servants. She’d never once brought a man into her home, and no one else ever wanted to visit. Girls had always been jealous of her, and now women were afraid of her. Afraid that she frequented the clubs where their husbands spent their time, flashing her eyes - and even a scandalous glimpse of her leg - at them and slowly driving them mad.
Pfannee wasn’t lonely. At every hour of the day or night, there were at the very least five men who she could see, who would give her anything she asked. That night, she was paying a visit to one of her newest suitors. He wasn’t all that promising, really, having a wife who squandered all of his money, but she had her reasons. She generally visited him after having passed Glinda on the street and gotten no more than a haughty look, if her old school friend even looked her way. She’d hurry to his room that night, describing in perfect detail something that Glinda had been wearing that she absolutely had to have.
“I can’t give that to you,” he insisted tonight.
“But I want it,” she said, fixing her gaze on him. “Don’t you love me? Don’t you want me to be happy?”
“I gave that necklace to Glinda on our anniversary. She wears it every day.”
“It would look better on me,” Pfannee told him. “Don’t delude yourself into thinking that you love her, Chuffrey. If you did, you’d be trying to coax her into your bed and not me.”
“Some people think of more than sex,” Chuffrey said.
Pfannee laughed hollowly. She personally thought of sex a great deal, mostly because she’d never had any. No one had ever lived up to her standards. It was too easy to push them away, to say a firm “no” if they fumbled for the laces on her dress. She preferred to run than to risk disappointment, to risk losing control.
“I want you out of here,” Chuffrey said suddenly, and Pfannee raised an eyebrow. Those were words she had never heard from a man’s lips before. “I don’t want you ever coming back here.”
Pfannee went pale. No one refused her. No one pushed her away. There was no saying “no” to this. She’d have to accept defeat.
“I do love Glinda,” he said, covering his face with his hands. “I can’t do this again. I can’t see the look on her face. It breaks my heart every time.”
Pfannee rose to her feet, feeling the beginning of tears in her eyes. “You’re making a mistake,” she said, her voice faltering.
“No,” he said simply, and the tears forced their way out. She turned immediately and rushed out of his room, slamming the door behind her. Glinda said something as she passed her on the stairs, but Pfannee didn’t care, too consumed in her tears. She hurried out into the street, her high-heeled shoes wobbly beneath her feet, her thin dress no protection against the cold, the world seeming to spin around her. She tried to run, tried to get home before anyone saw her like this, but she didn’t get far before her heel caught on a cobblestone and she fell with a cry that echoed off the buildings.
She wasn’t in control anymore. Chuffrey had cheated, had ducked out of the game before she could win it. She scarcely managed to avoid dirtying her dress as she doubled over and vomited.
“Aren’t you a sight?” a soft voice asked from behind her. It was a female voice, and oddly familiar. “Are you drunk?”
Pfannee couldn’t place the voice, and couldn’t seem to muster up the energy to turn around and look for a face. She suddenly had an image, though, of stumbling into her room in Crage Hall and collapsing. Of Shenshen easing her into bed and obeying her whispered pleas not to tell their Amas. Of arms around her when she went to sleep.
“You’re sick, either way,” Shenshen said, coming around in front of Pfannee and gently easing her up onto her feet. “I’ll help you get home.”
Pfannee sniffled, reluctantly leaning her weight against Shenshen as the other woman hooked an arm around her waist and began walking. She hadn’t seen her college roommate in two years, not since she’d destroyed Shenshen’s marriage. Probably much like she’d just destroyed Glinda’s tonight, but she’d never liked Glinda. Shenshen had, now that she bothered to think it over, been the only friend she’d ever allowed herself to have.
Pfannee went to ring for a maid once they arrived at home, but Shenshen shook her head, escorting her slowly down the hall to her bedroom. “We’re fine,” she said, bringing Pfannee into the bathroom and sitting her down. “You don’t smell like alcohol, and you don’t feel feverish, so I think you’re going to be all right.” She passed a wet cloth over Pfannee’s face a few times before holding out her toothbrush.
“I doubt I’ll be all right,” Pfannee replied, staring at the toothbrush before taking it and moving shakily towards the sink. “The world’s been ripped out from under me. That’s not something that can be fixed by sobering up or getting well.” She brushed away the taste of sickness slowly, not meeting Shenshen’s gaze in the mirror. Instead, she looked at herself, at her pale face and hollow eyes.
“You’ve ripped the world out from under a lot of people yourself,” Shenshen said softly, but not at all bitterly. “What happened to you?”
Pfannee set the toothbrush down, still staring wearily at her reflection. “I didn’t get what I wanted.”
“What did you want?”
“A necklace that Glinda’s husband gave her for their anniversary.” Shenshen laughed delicately, slipping out of the bathroom. Pfannee followed her, folding her arms over her chest. “What are you laughing about?”
“Your whole world can’t be turned upside down by not getting a necklace, Pfannee,” Shenshen told her.
“It wasn’t about the necklace. It was about Chuffrey.”
“You can’t tell me you honestly wanted him that badly. Have you looked at the man?”
Pfannee sighed, certain that Shenshen wouldn’t understand… although as it was, she had no one else to turn to. “It’s about losing control, then. Control is all I ever wanted.”
Shenshen nodded, looking pleased with the depth of Pfannee’s statement. “You didn’t look happy when you had control, you know. I’ve only seen you that one time since our graduation, but there was no more happiness in your eyes then than there is now.”
Pfannee, for the first time, felt a pang of guilt. She remembered that day all too well, when Shenshen had discovered her with her husband and their eyes had met in a long, painful moment. “I’m sorry about that,” she said softly, hugging herself.
“Don’t be.” Shenshen smiled brilliantly. “You set me free.”
Pfannee slowly quirked her lips into a smile. “I’m glad.”
“Can I set you free, too?” Shenshen asked, taking a step closer.
Pfannee almost said that she was free, but stopped herself. What was so free about playing a role, about making herself the fantasy of so many men and never having a bit of happiness for herself? “Yes,” she said emphatically, letting her arms drop to her sides.
She’d become so used to reading men that she could always tell when they were about to kiss her. She had to know, so that she was prepared to kiss back or to shy away. She’d never known how to read women, though, and even though she’d lived with Shenshen for three years, she was no exception. When Shenshen kissed her, she was caught entirely off-guard… yet there was something nice about that, about not having everything planned, every step measured. There was something nice about not having to hold back.
Shenshen dragged her fingertips down Pfannee’s arms once their lips parted, grabbing Pfannee’s hands. “I’m going to teach you how to let go,” she whispered. “I’m going to teach you how to lose control.”
“Yes,” Pfannee breathed, letting Shenshen maneuver her onto the bed. She let Shenshen undress her, touch her, take her. She didn’t move, reveling in Shenshen’s finger and lips, watching the emotions playing across the other woman’s face. She didn’t demand a thing, didn’t even ask for what she wanted, letting Shenshen take her time. The only words that passed breathily through her lips were Shenshen’s name and “yes.”
“Let go for me,” Shenshen finally whispered, and Pfannee had no chance to obey. As she lost all control over her body, her thoughts, the cries that spilled out of her, she smiled a deep, genuine smile, one that glittered in her eyes and danced upon her lips. Shenshen smiled back.
Pfannee had only woken up in someone’s arms one other morning - that time years ago when Shenshen had taken care of her silently in their dormitory room. It seemed even more wonderful now that all of the barriers were gone. Shenshen’s skin was against her skin, Shenshen’s hair was in her mouth. Someone must have been in while they were sleeping to draw the curtains open, and sunlight spilled across the bed.
After lying in Shenshen’s arms for a few moments, Pfannee extricated herself from the bed, wobbling slightly in the heels that she hadn’t bothered taking off the night before. Glancing towards the open window, she tucked the sheet around Shenshen’s naked body and slipped herself into her robe. She made her way to the window, intending to close the curtains, but the sight of Shenshen glowing softly in the sunlight was too captivating, and she leaned against the windowsill, watching in amazement.
Shenshen opened her eyes, smiling lazily at Pfannee. “Good morning,” she whispered.
“How did this happen?” Pfannee asked, gesturing between them. “Did we really…”
Shenshen sat up, pinning the sheet to her chest and losing her smile. “You don’t regret it, do you?”
“Of course I don’t regret it.” Pfannee hurried to the bed, reaching out to stroke Shenshen’s messy hair out of her face. “I’ve never been so happy in my life.”
Shenshen grinned. “I set you free, then?”
Pfannee brushed her lips against the other woman’s. “Yes.”
Author: fabala_belle
Disclaimer: Wicked belongs to Gregory Maguire.
Rating: light R
Verse: Book.
Prompt Name: Window
Pairing: Pfannee/Shenshen (with some Pfannee/Chuffrey and Glinda/Chuffrey)
Summary: Years after graduation, Pfannee is caught up in the game of temptation that she plays with the men of the Emerald City. When one man breaks the rules, it takes the only friend she ever had to put her back together.
Pfannee was not a prostitute.
She’d been called that often enough, and her trade, of course, was temptation. But temptation, she would have explained had she ever found someone to talk to about her thoughts, was not the same as sex, and she certainly did not trade in sex.
Pfannee’s first word had been “no,” according to her first Ama. The Ama hadn’t lasted long. “No” had. Even as she added more words to her repertoire, “no” had remained her favorite word. She loved the power of it, the power of denial. She also liked to say “I want,” but just because she wanted didn’t mean that she’d ever have. “No” was final. “No” meant that she would not give in, that she had the final say, that the matter at hand was under her control. “No” meant freedom.
Temptation was a marvelous thing when one had such a strong grasp of “no.” Not one man had ever refused her anything, hoping that by giving her just one more diamond necklace, by accompanying her to just one more ball, by offering her just one more vacation in the countryside, he’d get what he most wanted - her hand in marriage, her body, her beauty. Pfannee teased and flirted, and then, when he asked too much of her, she said “no,” sending him back to the start, making him fight his way back into her affections again. Not that she actually had affectionate feelings towards him, of course, but he didn’t need to know that.
She lived alone, surrounded by finery provided by the many men she’d tempted and eventually broken. The finery, with the exception of the jewelry and clothing, was never seen by anyone but her and the servants. She’d never once brought a man into her home, and no one else ever wanted to visit. Girls had always been jealous of her, and now women were afraid of her. Afraid that she frequented the clubs where their husbands spent their time, flashing her eyes - and even a scandalous glimpse of her leg - at them and slowly driving them mad.
Pfannee wasn’t lonely. At every hour of the day or night, there were at the very least five men who she could see, who would give her anything she asked. That night, she was paying a visit to one of her newest suitors. He wasn’t all that promising, really, having a wife who squandered all of his money, but she had her reasons. She generally visited him after having passed Glinda on the street and gotten no more than a haughty look, if her old school friend even looked her way. She’d hurry to his room that night, describing in perfect detail something that Glinda had been wearing that she absolutely had to have.
“I can’t give that to you,” he insisted tonight.
“But I want it,” she said, fixing her gaze on him. “Don’t you love me? Don’t you want me to be happy?”
“I gave that necklace to Glinda on our anniversary. She wears it every day.”
“It would look better on me,” Pfannee told him. “Don’t delude yourself into thinking that you love her, Chuffrey. If you did, you’d be trying to coax her into your bed and not me.”
“Some people think of more than sex,” Chuffrey said.
Pfannee laughed hollowly. She personally thought of sex a great deal, mostly because she’d never had any. No one had ever lived up to her standards. It was too easy to push them away, to say a firm “no” if they fumbled for the laces on her dress. She preferred to run than to risk disappointment, to risk losing control.
“I want you out of here,” Chuffrey said suddenly, and Pfannee raised an eyebrow. Those were words she had never heard from a man’s lips before. “I don’t want you ever coming back here.”
Pfannee went pale. No one refused her. No one pushed her away. There was no saying “no” to this. She’d have to accept defeat.
“I do love Glinda,” he said, covering his face with his hands. “I can’t do this again. I can’t see the look on her face. It breaks my heart every time.”
Pfannee rose to her feet, feeling the beginning of tears in her eyes. “You’re making a mistake,” she said, her voice faltering.
“No,” he said simply, and the tears forced their way out. She turned immediately and rushed out of his room, slamming the door behind her. Glinda said something as she passed her on the stairs, but Pfannee didn’t care, too consumed in her tears. She hurried out into the street, her high-heeled shoes wobbly beneath her feet, her thin dress no protection against the cold, the world seeming to spin around her. She tried to run, tried to get home before anyone saw her like this, but she didn’t get far before her heel caught on a cobblestone and she fell with a cry that echoed off the buildings.
She wasn’t in control anymore. Chuffrey had cheated, had ducked out of the game before she could win it. She scarcely managed to avoid dirtying her dress as she doubled over and vomited.
“Aren’t you a sight?” a soft voice asked from behind her. It was a female voice, and oddly familiar. “Are you drunk?”
Pfannee couldn’t place the voice, and couldn’t seem to muster up the energy to turn around and look for a face. She suddenly had an image, though, of stumbling into her room in Crage Hall and collapsing. Of Shenshen easing her into bed and obeying her whispered pleas not to tell their Amas. Of arms around her when she went to sleep.
“You’re sick, either way,” Shenshen said, coming around in front of Pfannee and gently easing her up onto her feet. “I’ll help you get home.”
Pfannee sniffled, reluctantly leaning her weight against Shenshen as the other woman hooked an arm around her waist and began walking. She hadn’t seen her college roommate in two years, not since she’d destroyed Shenshen’s marriage. Probably much like she’d just destroyed Glinda’s tonight, but she’d never liked Glinda. Shenshen had, now that she bothered to think it over, been the only friend she’d ever allowed herself to have.
Pfannee went to ring for a maid once they arrived at home, but Shenshen shook her head, escorting her slowly down the hall to her bedroom. “We’re fine,” she said, bringing Pfannee into the bathroom and sitting her down. “You don’t smell like alcohol, and you don’t feel feverish, so I think you’re going to be all right.” She passed a wet cloth over Pfannee’s face a few times before holding out her toothbrush.
“I doubt I’ll be all right,” Pfannee replied, staring at the toothbrush before taking it and moving shakily towards the sink. “The world’s been ripped out from under me. That’s not something that can be fixed by sobering up or getting well.” She brushed away the taste of sickness slowly, not meeting Shenshen’s gaze in the mirror. Instead, she looked at herself, at her pale face and hollow eyes.
“You’ve ripped the world out from under a lot of people yourself,” Shenshen said softly, but not at all bitterly. “What happened to you?”
Pfannee set the toothbrush down, still staring wearily at her reflection. “I didn’t get what I wanted.”
“What did you want?”
“A necklace that Glinda’s husband gave her for their anniversary.” Shenshen laughed delicately, slipping out of the bathroom. Pfannee followed her, folding her arms over her chest. “What are you laughing about?”
“Your whole world can’t be turned upside down by not getting a necklace, Pfannee,” Shenshen told her.
“It wasn’t about the necklace. It was about Chuffrey.”
“You can’t tell me you honestly wanted him that badly. Have you looked at the man?”
Pfannee sighed, certain that Shenshen wouldn’t understand… although as it was, she had no one else to turn to. “It’s about losing control, then. Control is all I ever wanted.”
Shenshen nodded, looking pleased with the depth of Pfannee’s statement. “You didn’t look happy when you had control, you know. I’ve only seen you that one time since our graduation, but there was no more happiness in your eyes then than there is now.”
Pfannee, for the first time, felt a pang of guilt. She remembered that day all too well, when Shenshen had discovered her with her husband and their eyes had met in a long, painful moment. “I’m sorry about that,” she said softly, hugging herself.
“Don’t be.” Shenshen smiled brilliantly. “You set me free.”
Pfannee slowly quirked her lips into a smile. “I’m glad.”
“Can I set you free, too?” Shenshen asked, taking a step closer.
Pfannee almost said that she was free, but stopped herself. What was so free about playing a role, about making herself the fantasy of so many men and never having a bit of happiness for herself? “Yes,” she said emphatically, letting her arms drop to her sides.
She’d become so used to reading men that she could always tell when they were about to kiss her. She had to know, so that she was prepared to kiss back or to shy away. She’d never known how to read women, though, and even though she’d lived with Shenshen for three years, she was no exception. When Shenshen kissed her, she was caught entirely off-guard… yet there was something nice about that, about not having everything planned, every step measured. There was something nice about not having to hold back.
Shenshen dragged her fingertips down Pfannee’s arms once their lips parted, grabbing Pfannee’s hands. “I’m going to teach you how to let go,” she whispered. “I’m going to teach you how to lose control.”
“Yes,” Pfannee breathed, letting Shenshen maneuver her onto the bed. She let Shenshen undress her, touch her, take her. She didn’t move, reveling in Shenshen’s finger and lips, watching the emotions playing across the other woman’s face. She didn’t demand a thing, didn’t even ask for what she wanted, letting Shenshen take her time. The only words that passed breathily through her lips were Shenshen’s name and “yes.”
“Let go for me,” Shenshen finally whispered, and Pfannee had no chance to obey. As she lost all control over her body, her thoughts, the cries that spilled out of her, she smiled a deep, genuine smile, one that glittered in her eyes and danced upon her lips. Shenshen smiled back.
Pfannee had only woken up in someone’s arms one other morning - that time years ago when Shenshen had taken care of her silently in their dormitory room. It seemed even more wonderful now that all of the barriers were gone. Shenshen’s skin was against her skin, Shenshen’s hair was in her mouth. Someone must have been in while they were sleeping to draw the curtains open, and sunlight spilled across the bed.
After lying in Shenshen’s arms for a few moments, Pfannee extricated herself from the bed, wobbling slightly in the heels that she hadn’t bothered taking off the night before. Glancing towards the open window, she tucked the sheet around Shenshen’s naked body and slipped herself into her robe. She made her way to the window, intending to close the curtains, but the sight of Shenshen glowing softly in the sunlight was too captivating, and she leaned against the windowsill, watching in amazement.
Shenshen opened her eyes, smiling lazily at Pfannee. “Good morning,” she whispered.
“How did this happen?” Pfannee asked, gesturing between them. “Did we really…”
Shenshen sat up, pinning the sheet to her chest and losing her smile. “You don’t regret it, do you?”
“Of course I don’t regret it.” Pfannee hurried to the bed, reaching out to stroke Shenshen’s messy hair out of her face. “I’ve never been so happy in my life.”
Shenshen grinned. “I set you free, then?”
Pfannee brushed her lips against the other woman’s. “Yes.”