The Slightly Deranged Adventures continue... Issue #1, Part 4 (Final)
PREVIOUSLY ON
“The Slightly Deranged Adventures of BANG BANG BENSON and the CABOT CRUSADER”…
Smythe: “Well Detective, would you care to explain your state of undress?”
Benson: “I was jogging. It got hot”
AND NOW FOR PART 4-
_______________________________________________________________________________
wICKEDjOY presents:
The Slightly Deranged Adventures
of BANG BANG BENSON and the CABOT CRUSADER
Starring: Detective Olivia Benson, ADA Alexandra Cabot
Featuring: Detective Odafin Tutuola, Detective John Munch, Detective Elliot Stabler and Captain Donald Cragen.
Special Guest Star: EADA Elizabeth Donnelley
ISSUE #1 …concludes…
DOINK, DOINK!
Continued from PART 3…
Once the court had settled down again, the defence attorney decided to try his final tactic. With a look of feigned ignorance he asked, “Detective Benson, would you care to explain how my client ended up clinging to the highest branches of a nearby tree?”
“Ahh… I’m not exactly sure.” she replied. “I was attending to Mrs. Walsh so I didn’t see. I guess he thought he was making an escape?”
“An escape? Up a tree? Detective, my client in not quite that stupid. He will testify that you, Detective, threw him up there!” Mr. Smythe dramatically threw up his hand to point finger at the ceiling.
Both Benson, the judge and half the jury shot him a look that said exactly what Cabot put into words. “Are you deranged?”
“Your honour!” Smythe objected.
“Counsellor” the judge shook his head disapprovingly at Cabot. Then turning to Smythe he added “Although I do believe Miss Cabot’s question, however blunt, does have some validity. Please don’t waste the court’s time Mr. Smythe”
“But your Honour, this lie detector test proves…”
“Move on Counsellor!” he glared, daring him to continue his nonsense.
“I have no more questions your honour” Smythe finished with a pout.
And for the second time that day, a silent word of relief passed between the detective and the ADA.
____________________________________
BRIGHT AND EARLY ON A MONDAY MORNING…
Her heart beat heavily in her chest. Hot sweat trickled down her neck and into the vee between her full breasts. Her breathing was ragged and heavy. Her face flushed.
She felt fantastic, the rush of blood pumping through her veins, she felt alive!
The problem was, she was nearly killing half of the people in the park.
Detective Olivia Benson loved to keep fit. Busting perps was no easy task. Because of her long, and often odd hours, her work out was usually confined to the gym. But having pulled some odd shifts this month meant she could get out into the park for a jog on Mondays.
Dressed in navy sweat pants and a singlet top, she cut an impressive path through the milling pedestrians out in the park on this fine sunny morning. A striking image of bronzed skin and rippling muscles, while the detective was completely focused, the people around her were anything but.
Her warm up stretches alone caused a ruckus.
With a foot perched on a nearby bench, her side stretches revealed such a delicious sliver of her toned abdomen, that a passing oncologist tripped over his dog’s leash and sprained his ankle. *Trip…THUD!!*
His poor little sausage dog took a premature lesson in flying and crash landed spectacularly into the nearby bird bath, in which, if it were a quarter of an inch deeper, it would have drowned. *YANK!!* *Awwwrrroooooo!!…SPLASH!!!* *Whimper…Gurgle…*
Her feet pounding the pavement in a regular rhythm, Benson followed the track around a bend and gave the two approaching joggers a brief smile and a nod. The pair immediately turned to look at her retreating form, both marvelling at her toned backside until they simultaneously collided with the trashcan along side the path. The more fortunate of the two simply busted his knee and tumbled off down the sloping grass and into the fence. His companion busted both knees on collision, before his momentum upended him, tossing him head first into the trashcan. “Hel-lo sexy” *CLUNK* “Ow!” and “Fuuuuck!” *BANG!!* *bounce…bounce…bounce* *CRUNCH!!*
A brief stop bent over the drinking fountain, awarded an approaching cyclist with an uninterrupted down-blouse view of her voluptuous assets. A sight he soon paid for when colliding with a nearby bush, and suffering a mild concussion. *Ding, ding…* *CRASH!!*
_______________________________________
LATER THAT DAY…
Cabot stomped around her office, cursing up a storm as she searched for a missing file she needed for this afternoon’s arraignment. Books, folders, papers, pens, even her desk lamp went flying. Still, she couldn’t find it. *F@$%ING* C@(*ING PIECE OF $&#!!!*
“Michelle!” she called out to her assistant. “Have you seen the Borgna file?”
Too afraid to brave the storm, Michelle froze at her desk and opted to call out her negative reply rather than approach the office and the crazed ADA.
A few minutes later, Cabot was reassembling the chaos, and puzzling over where on earth the file could have gotten to, when there was a clumsy knock at her door.
“Come in” she called.
After a pause the door opened and Donnelley slowly hobbled into the room on crutches with her leg in a cast.
Cabot looked up from the mess to exclaim “Liz, what happened?!”
“Damn torturous things!” Donnelley grumbled as one crutch end got caught on the edge of the rug.
“Here, let me help you” Cabot moved towards her.
“No, I’ve got it. I’ve got it!” Donnelley insisted, yanking the crutch free and almost tripping the young ADA with it. She hobbled forward two more steps and turned around triumphant. “See?” she said, turning to face Cabot and swinging the right crutch as an extension of her expressive right hand.
Ducking just in time to keep her head on her shoulders, Cabot offered with a tight smile, “Yes Liz. Why don’t you sit down?” She motioned towards the sofa.
As Donnelley flopped down into the comfortable seating her stiff and extended plastered limb knocked over the coffee table, spilling an array of files across the floor. In the same movement, both crutches flew bottoms up into the air, each catching Cabot beneath the pit of an outstretched arm and lifting her light frame a good inch off of the floor for a split second.
*WHOA!!*
“Ow!” grumbled Liz, while Alex’s face echoed her sentiments, her hands immediately moving to hold her aching armpits.
“Jesus Liz, they shouldn’t let you out on those things without a license” she scolded, petting her wounds.
“Sorry Alex. These things are just driving me crazy!” grumbled a frustrated Donnelley. “And everything hurts.” It was her turn to pout.
“What happened?” Alex asked, carefully taking the crutches from her boss and leaning them against the coat rack.
“Oh, it was just a stupid accident, really” the somewhat embarrassed woman tried to shrug off the subject. “Anyway, I came in here to…” she trailed off as her face screwed up into an awkwardly pained expression. She reached behind herself and felt around beneath the sofa’s pillow before pulling out the missing file.
As soon as Cabot saw the file, a light of recognition shone in her eyes as did the flush of the particularly heated memory that accompanied it.
“Oh that’s where it is” she laughed, rubbing the back of her neck in an attempt to stop the rising blush.
As she darted forward to take the file, Liz opened the crushed and twisted cardboard to read it, and a man’s watch fell out. Two sets of eyes locked on the stylish, but chunky watch.
*SHWING!!*
Well there was no stopping that blush now. Red as a beet, Cabot scurried to scoop up the watch, pocketing it as she took the file from Liz’s hands.
Donnelley sat back, watching an increasingly nervous Cabot, with an expression very much like that of the cat that ate the canary. In fact, Cabot was almost certain she saw a few yellow feathers flit from Donnelley’s mouth as she gave a little snort.
“Now just how did that end up in a file, under your sofa pillow?” the Executive ADA asked, racking her brain trying to work out who else would have been working the Borgna case. She began sifting through a mental list of all the fellow ADA’s, clerks and assistants in Alex’s department.
Cabot could see the older woman’s mind ticking over with furious speed, so before she could get around to linking the case to the cop’s at SVU, Alex jumped in with, “Oh never mind that, Liz. What happened to your leg?!”
The question stopped Donnelley’s mind in its tracks. *EEEK!*
She looked up at the overly concerned face before her and tried to shrug off any hint of embarrassment. “Oh I ah… I tripped over a… a tree root… while walking to work through the park this morning” she mumbled.
______________________________________
MEANWHILE OVER AT THE 1-6…
Benson had finished grilling the perp. She spoke for the recording, “This interrogation has ended at…” she looked to her wrist but found no watch there. *Hmmm…*
-THE END.
© wICKEDjOY.
“The Slightly Deranged Adventures of BANG BANG BENSON and the CABOT CRUSADER”…
Smythe: “Well Detective, would you care to explain your state of undress?”
Benson: “I was jogging. It got hot”
AND NOW FOR PART 4-
_______________________________________________________________________________
wICKEDjOY presents:
The Slightly Deranged Adventures
of BANG BANG BENSON and the CABOT CRUSADER
Starring: Detective Olivia Benson, ADA Alexandra Cabot
Featuring: Detective Odafin Tutuola, Detective John Munch, Detective Elliot Stabler and Captain Donald Cragen.
Special Guest Star: EADA Elizabeth Donnelley
ISSUE #1 …concludes…
DOINK, DOINK!
Continued from PART 3…
Once the court had settled down again, the defence attorney decided to try his final tactic. With a look of feigned ignorance he asked, “Detective Benson, would you care to explain how my client ended up clinging to the highest branches of a nearby tree?”
“Ahh… I’m not exactly sure.” she replied. “I was attending to Mrs. Walsh so I didn’t see. I guess he thought he was making an escape?”
“An escape? Up a tree? Detective, my client in not quite that stupid. He will testify that you, Detective, threw him up there!” Mr. Smythe dramatically threw up his hand to point finger at the ceiling.
Both Benson, the judge and half the jury shot him a look that said exactly what Cabot put into words. “Are you deranged?”
“Your honour!” Smythe objected.
“Counsellor” the judge shook his head disapprovingly at Cabot. Then turning to Smythe he added “Although I do believe Miss Cabot’s question, however blunt, does have some validity. Please don’t waste the court’s time Mr. Smythe”
“But your Honour, this lie detector test proves…”
“Move on Counsellor!” he glared, daring him to continue his nonsense.
“I have no more questions your honour” Smythe finished with a pout.
And for the second time that day, a silent word of relief passed between the detective and the ADA.
____________________________________
BRIGHT AND EARLY ON A MONDAY MORNING…
Her heart beat heavily in her chest. Hot sweat trickled down her neck and into the vee between her full breasts. Her breathing was ragged and heavy. Her face flushed.
She felt fantastic, the rush of blood pumping through her veins, she felt alive!
The problem was, she was nearly killing half of the people in the park.
Detective Olivia Benson loved to keep fit. Busting perps was no easy task. Because of her long, and often odd hours, her work out was usually confined to the gym. But having pulled some odd shifts this month meant she could get out into the park for a jog on Mondays.
Dressed in navy sweat pants and a singlet top, she cut an impressive path through the milling pedestrians out in the park on this fine sunny morning. A striking image of bronzed skin and rippling muscles, while the detective was completely focused, the people around her were anything but.
Her warm up stretches alone caused a ruckus.
With a foot perched on a nearby bench, her side stretches revealed such a delicious sliver of her toned abdomen, that a passing oncologist tripped over his dog’s leash and sprained his ankle. *Trip…THUD!!*
His poor little sausage dog took a premature lesson in flying and crash landed spectacularly into the nearby bird bath, in which, if it were a quarter of an inch deeper, it would have drowned. *YANK!!* *Awwwrrroooooo!!…SPLASH!!!* *Whimper…Gurgle…*
Her feet pounding the pavement in a regular rhythm, Benson followed the track around a bend and gave the two approaching joggers a brief smile and a nod. The pair immediately turned to look at her retreating form, both marvelling at her toned backside until they simultaneously collided with the trashcan along side the path. The more fortunate of the two simply busted his knee and tumbled off down the sloping grass and into the fence. His companion busted both knees on collision, before his momentum upended him, tossing him head first into the trashcan. “Hel-lo sexy” *CLUNK* “Ow!” and “Fuuuuck!” *BANG!!* *bounce…bounce…bounce* *CRUNCH!!*
A brief stop bent over the drinking fountain, awarded an approaching cyclist with an uninterrupted down-blouse view of her voluptuous assets. A sight he soon paid for when colliding with a nearby bush, and suffering a mild concussion. *Ding, ding…* *CRASH!!*
_______________________________________
LATER THAT DAY…
Cabot stomped around her office, cursing up a storm as she searched for a missing file she needed for this afternoon’s arraignment. Books, folders, papers, pens, even her desk lamp went flying. Still, she couldn’t find it. *F@$%ING* C@(*ING PIECE OF $&#!!!*
“Michelle!” she called out to her assistant. “Have you seen the Borgna file?”
Too afraid to brave the storm, Michelle froze at her desk and opted to call out her negative reply rather than approach the office and the crazed ADA.
A few minutes later, Cabot was reassembling the chaos, and puzzling over where on earth the file could have gotten to, when there was a clumsy knock at her door.
“Come in” she called.
After a pause the door opened and Donnelley slowly hobbled into the room on crutches with her leg in a cast.
Cabot looked up from the mess to exclaim “Liz, what happened?!”
“Damn torturous things!” Donnelley grumbled as one crutch end got caught on the edge of the rug.
“Here, let me help you” Cabot moved towards her.
“No, I’ve got it. I’ve got it!” Donnelley insisted, yanking the crutch free and almost tripping the young ADA with it. She hobbled forward two more steps and turned around triumphant. “See?” she said, turning to face Cabot and swinging the right crutch as an extension of her expressive right hand.
Ducking just in time to keep her head on her shoulders, Cabot offered with a tight smile, “Yes Liz. Why don’t you sit down?” She motioned towards the sofa.
As Donnelley flopped down into the comfortable seating her stiff and extended plastered limb knocked over the coffee table, spilling an array of files across the floor. In the same movement, both crutches flew bottoms up into the air, each catching Cabot beneath the pit of an outstretched arm and lifting her light frame a good inch off of the floor for a split second.
*WHOA!!*
“Ow!” grumbled Liz, while Alex’s face echoed her sentiments, her hands immediately moving to hold her aching armpits.
“Jesus Liz, they shouldn’t let you out on those things without a license” she scolded, petting her wounds.
“Sorry Alex. These things are just driving me crazy!” grumbled a frustrated Donnelley. “And everything hurts.” It was her turn to pout.
“What happened?” Alex asked, carefully taking the crutches from her boss and leaning them against the coat rack.
“Oh, it was just a stupid accident, really” the somewhat embarrassed woman tried to shrug off the subject. “Anyway, I came in here to…” she trailed off as her face screwed up into an awkwardly pained expression. She reached behind herself and felt around beneath the sofa’s pillow before pulling out the missing file.
As soon as Cabot saw the file, a light of recognition shone in her eyes as did the flush of the particularly heated memory that accompanied it.
“Oh that’s where it is” she laughed, rubbing the back of her neck in an attempt to stop the rising blush.
As she darted forward to take the file, Liz opened the crushed and twisted cardboard to read it, and a man’s watch fell out. Two sets of eyes locked on the stylish, but chunky watch.
*SHWING!!*
Well there was no stopping that blush now. Red as a beet, Cabot scurried to scoop up the watch, pocketing it as she took the file from Liz’s hands.
Donnelley sat back, watching an increasingly nervous Cabot, with an expression very much like that of the cat that ate the canary. In fact, Cabot was almost certain she saw a few yellow feathers flit from Donnelley’s mouth as she gave a little snort.
“Now just how did that end up in a file, under your sofa pillow?” the Executive ADA asked, racking her brain trying to work out who else would have been working the Borgna case. She began sifting through a mental list of all the fellow ADA’s, clerks and assistants in Alex’s department.
Cabot could see the older woman’s mind ticking over with furious speed, so before she could get around to linking the case to the cop’s at SVU, Alex jumped in with, “Oh never mind that, Liz. What happened to your leg?!”
The question stopped Donnelley’s mind in its tracks. *EEEK!*
She looked up at the overly concerned face before her and tried to shrug off any hint of embarrassment. “Oh I ah… I tripped over a… a tree root… while walking to work through the park this morning” she mumbled.
______________________________________
MEANWHILE OVER AT THE 1-6…
Benson had finished grilling the perp. She spoke for the recording, “This interrogation has ended at…” she looked to her wrist but found no watch there. *Hmmm…*
-THE END.
© wICKEDjOY.