(Untitled)

[fredburkle]

I sat down on the big, weird but cool, circular couch thing in the lobby and sighed. Angel was evil? I knew he could turn evil if he had a perfect moment of happiness, or at least someone told me that, but....with no body that shouldn't have been an issue. And now, the most vivid and good memory I had from my former life was out running the streets

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[visiongirl]

Coming out of the bathroom in the clothes Doyle had given me I raised an eyebrow at Fred and Spike. "What are you two doing?" Not that I even wanted to know, and hey whatever it was, it couldn't possibly be more embarressing than finding yourself tied up to the stairs naked where everyone could see you.

"Never mind." I said quickly, as I looked around. Where had Wesley gone anyways? I really needed to talk to him, preferably in private where I could let him know how I really felt about him deciding to up and take off on the business that we owned together. Who knew what that British man thought about these days. I did throw out all his tea though, maybe he just went to get more?

"We have a serious problem you guys." I said, as if they didn't already know. But maybe we could put the flirting on hold for just a minute so we could get to the bottom of this.
Walking towards the office I saw Doyle inside and pulled out a book in my desk. Flipping through it I found the spell I had done, pointing it out to Fred and Doyle I took a step back.

"That's the spell that brought Angel's not so pleasant other half back to earth."

[buffys_bitch]

I shove my hands in my jeans pockets when Cordelia comes back out, asking what Fred and I were up to. I catch Fred's eye and manage to look a little sheepish, I try to cover the moment with some bluster.

"Just teaching her some combat moves. You know, most vulnerable parts to strike an opponent with..." Yeah, real convincing.

I notice she doesn't have my duster. What did she bloody well do with it? I go to the bathroom and it's on the floor, in a scrunched up pile.

"Hey, vintage leather jacket!" I grumble to her, picking it up and shaking it out and inspecting it. "I feel naked without it, so have a care next time, will you?"

Finally reunited with my coat, I stride over to the two women and squint at the book Cordy is showing Fred.

"I knew it! You messed with magic, that never ends well. Resurrecting the dead never turns out the way you plan. Haven't we learnt anything, children? There's a price, there's always a price." I scowl at Cordelia, angry that she tried it, angrier that she tried it alone. Angelus could have ripped her to pieces if he'd wanted to. And done worse before hand. "So, can you cancel the spell, turn him back?"

[visiongirl]

"I don't even really know what I did wrong!" I exclaimed to Spike pointing out the fact that I really wasn't a witch. "We need a witch, and the only one I know of is Willow." Looking up I met Spike's eyes and knew what he was thinking.

Yes, there was a reason why we didn't talk to Buffy anymore, or her friends. It's because we liked to stay slayer free around here, except for the occasional Faith popping in. And let's be honest none of us liked seeing her either.

"Fred, do you think you can look into this spell?" I asked, even though I could practically see the wheels in her head turning. "I'm going to make a few phone calls, see if I can't figure something out." I said turning and heading to the lobby to use the phone.

[fredburkle]

I took the book she was talking about and glanced down at the spell. Me? Look into a spell? Maybe Angelus knocked Cordelia on the head and she forgot that I don't know about this shit anymore. I looked at some of the words, and I was pretty sure, I couldn't pronounce half of them, let alone know what they meant.

I looked at Spike and then at Doyle, who was apparently a sneaky bastard and wandered in during the impromptu training session Spike gave me without making a noise. I swallowed and said, "Yeah, finding Willow sounds like a good idea...or another witch...or something. Because..." I pointed at a word in the book and shook my head, "I don't even know what this means."

[buffys_bitch]

I sigh and hold my hand out for the book.

"Give it here, let me have a look. I know a few languages, latin, greek, fyarl. Might be able to get the gist. I don't like to let on though. Prefer people to underestimate me."

I give her a half smile and start trying to make sense of the script. "Yep definitely latin. Shouldn't be too hard to decipher."
I start sounding out the words to myself and then realise that's not the best idea.

[fredburkle]

I sat down in one of the office chairs and watched Spike read through the spell. I hated not being able to do anything or help with anything. Maybe the brain I had would still have the capacity for learning things quickly. If it did, then I could learn spell-type things and be productive member of the group.

If not...I could always wash dishes...

I looked at up at Spike, realized he hadn't said anything for a few minutes and said, "What's wrong...?"

[buffys_bitch]

"I think I know why the spell didn't work the way Cordy expected. In the latin it talks about restoring the body:

And that which once walked the earth, the spirit, shall be made flesh again. I call to they who command the uhhh tough bit 'in between', to make that which I cherish manifest.

But there's not a lick about the soul. Plus I think this was a spell to bring back dead beloved pets or something. Not for human consumption. Plus, nothing here about what to do if the spell goes wrong. Why am I not bloody surprised?"

[fredburkle]

I made a face, "Well...that's not good." I tapped my fingers on the desk and watched Spike read more of the book, "So, is there a spell in there that will, I dunno, restore his soul? I mean..that's what we want or need to do, right?"

I hated not knowing about any of this mystical crap. I wanted to know and understand and not be so damn unsure of myself. Maybe I could get Spike to teach me about this as well as defending myself. I glanced up at him, "Is there anything I can do to help...?"

[buffys_bitch]

I snap the book shut irritably.

"Some of it still looks like gibberish to me, must be a different form than I am used to. We need Watcher Boy, or a witch. Not fond of calling on Red to tell the truth, but if Wesley gets back soon we should get him to read over it. He's not too bad with the mojo. Me, I prefer solving problems that involve the use of my fists, and fangs and whatever is handy to club someone with. I guess there's not much else we can do, 'cept wait, guard, talk to Cordy when she comes back, try to find more clues and such. In the meantime..."

I went into the office and rummaged around, finally I pulled a cabinet away from the wall a bit, and produced a bottle of Lagavulin. "He's getting on to my raiding of his booze I see. Turning into a little game of hide and seek." I wink at her and pour her a capful. "Careful, it's really peaty."

[fredburkle]

I looked at the bottle of liquor Spike was holding and said, "Peaty?" I took the glass and sniffed it, made a face and whispered, "I'm supposed to drink this....?" He gave me a look as he drank his second and I sighed.

If I was going to get the hang of being alive, I was going to have to have experiences. And this would be a good one...right? Oh well, whatever, I up ended the entire thing and swallowes quickly.

FIRE! He gave me some sort of magical liquid fire to pour down my throat and melt my insides! They told me he had a soul! They lied! He's evil! What the hell was that crap?

I coughed and sputtered and wheezed. I could barely breath, my eyes were watering and I think my nose was running. I looked up at him and whispered, "You're the devil...."

[buffys_bitch]

"Oh you think so do you?" I grin back at her. "Told you it was peaty. Lagavulin is expensive whiskey. Top of the line, only the best for old Percy boy." I offer her another cap. "Drink one more, it'll be smoother, and then your insides will warm up, nice and toasty. Wait, you'll see what I mean."

I lean back against the counter, watching Fred with amusement and interest. She wasn't the Fred I used to know, but that didn't make her any less fascinating.

[fredburkle]

I frowned at him, the glass, him again and then the glass. I made a face at him and mumbled, "If I die from this...again...I'm coming back next time as some evil demon to kick your ass."

I tossed back the whiskey, like I watched him do and didn't feel like I was going to die...much...this time. I coughed a little less and my throat didn't burn, but my eyes did water. But, he was right, my stomach was toasty and warm and my head felt lighter.

I gave him a half smile, "Ok...not too much like fire this time." I wiped my mouth and handed him the glass, "So, Spike...besides the whole soul thing...why are you hanging around here? I've heard the stories about you and you and I both know this isn't your scene...."

[buffys_bitch]

"Don't altogether know why to be honest. I'm not fond of Wesley, or Cordy for that matter. Can't stand Angel, even though we are bound by blood. I suppose knowing Buffy-" I look down and my jaw clenches a little. Things had changed so much. We were on opposite sides now.

"Knowing Buffy, well, it changed everything. She taught me what a monster I was and made me yearn to be a man. Gave me a chance to be something better. Make a difference. Even if I was still the same monster underneath it all." I down another shot of the amber liquid, not able to look Fred quite in the eye as I recall the past. Wasn't all bad, but the memories still haunted me. Not sure if I could ever forgive myself for what went down. Or forgive her for what came later. All over Angel. It was always him wasn't it?

"Once I did everything for her, and now I do it for myself, because it makes me feel like I matter. I guess that's all anyone needs or wants. A purpose to be. To exist."

[fredburkle]

Wow, I honestly didn't know what to say to that. Spike...was more than just a mouth and more than his fists and that really surprised me...a lot. Part of me wanted to give him a hug and part of me wanted to make an excuse to leave.

But being alive meant to interact with people and not just on a superficial level. And, I was guessing, this was pretty deep for Spike. Here's hoping I didn't stick my foot in my mouth with what I was going to say.

I looked at him, even though he wasn't looking at me and said, "Thank you Spike. And before you ask me for what....for your honesty." I looked down and then back at him, "That you could tell me what you did...well, thank you."