(no subject)
The prologue:
I wonder if it was something that I could have seen coming but was too naïve to see, or was it something that just came out of no where...at least for me.
If it could have been premeditated, could I have done something to change the out come? If it not, should I believe I'm not at fault?
I don't know if I should be making assumptions at this time but I have feeling that at the end when everything has been said and done, when every doubt and questions has been cleared and answered, I will not be upset or hurt but relief as the tormentous weight is lift off of me no matter what the out come will be.
I know at times I can be a pessimist but this time is different, my pessimism is not accompanied by sadness or fear but by a feeling of serenity and hope as I wait for the out come to occur.
I wont do anything at this point I will just stand back and watch the chips fall into place, I don't think there is much I can do at this moment but watch and read the signs though I have to admit that I'm getting a little tired of all this fuckery and can't wait for everything to be cleared out, I'm 100 % sure I don't need certain people in my life.
I wrote this on October 4th and I was going to post it but since I felt better after writing it I decided not to, since then somethings have happened that led to the outcome I was waiting for and which I will write about so it made sense to me to just post this.
Just finished writing this part today
So it came to an end and the outcome was losing someone who I considered a friend. Even though I was having some problems with his attitude, I still considered tolerating him but apparently I said or did something that made him take the decision of no longer being my friend, a decision I would sometimes linger upon when I would become aggravated by his bad temper and attitude. I was right something was wrong, I felt it, something seemed different and I kind of knew the friendship was coming to an end.
I was having the following conversation with a friend a few days ago through messenger about what had happened; she was unaware about the changes that had taken place in our group of friends. We are- sorry, we were a group of 5, and it was 4 girls including myself and him. We had become friends since high school and even though each of us had our own friends outside the group and some of us at times disappeared for a while, whenever we would come together it was as if we had never been apart and there were times when we would go out every weekend. Well all got along fine even if we would have arguments they were always minor and nothing ever got out of hand, we tolerated each others tempers but sometimes we can’t just tolerate everything and too much of a bitter bad attitude can drag any friendship or relationship to a breaking point and end it.
Because I don’t want to use their names I will just use the first letter of each of their names except for fabianalu11.
G asked me what had happened, why he wasn’t talking to me anymore and I answered;
“I don't know, I don't know why he got mad at me, I asked him but he didn't tell me. Then I find out he’s angry with me because he told fabianalu11 but didn't tell her why and the only reason she asked him is because I commented to her that he hadn’t respond back my message and it looked like he wasn’t talking to me, so she asked him about it. V knew about this because he had told her, I asked her if she knew he wasn't talking to me, she said yes but she didn't tell me if she knew why.
I'm crazy curious to know the reason, I'm dead serious when I say that I'm not hurt or angry at him for this, just curious and disappointed that he didn't tell me himself that he didn't want to be friends anymore and most of all that he doesn't tell me why.”
G says; “let me tell you something, L is acting worst than a woman, he makes a big fuss out anything.
I answered; “yeah, he is and that's why it doesn't bother me that much. I see it like at least I won’t have to deal with his 5 year old tantrums. I'm being honest here, before I found out that he wasn't talking to me I had a feeling that something was wrong and I started thinking that it might be best not be friends anymore because he isn't family, I don't have to be tolerating his tantrums like if I was his mom. Because is not once in a blue moon that he would get with his "I'm angry right now I don't want to talk to you/be friends with you, I'm going to take it out on you" attitude.
If he gets over this and decides to talk to me, fine, I'll talk to him but I wont see him as a close friend, not like I use to see him or like see you guys, I can't consider someone like him a friend, that you can't kid around with, that will get mad at you for anything, that will have those mood swings...no just no.”
G says; “He takes out his problems on the world; lately he’s always angry if you tell him something he answers back in a bad attitude like last time when we got together, I’m going to be honest, he ruined the night for me, I didn’t say anything because I don’t like arguing or fighting with anyone because then everyone’s night gets ruined but I wanted to answer back and slap him across the face, I didn’t go back home because of you guys but going out with him is becoming a bitter experience.
Is true that everyone has problems but he makes them bigger than what they are.”
I said: “I know you were mad for the way he talked to you that day, I noticed by the look on your face. He does make everything 100 times bigger than what they are, I usually try not to take him too seriously that's why I do answer back but in a "playful" sarcastic way. After that day he sent me an email telling me that he wasn't going to be able to go to Halloween Horror Nights and I answered back through facebook with an "ok", that was all.
Then I wrote two comments on his facebook regarding two posts he had made and he deleted them and that is when I started to notice something was different. I sent him a message some days later asking him when he was going to explain why he was unable to go to Halloween Horror nights since he said in his email that he was going to tell us why, and he didn't answer back.
A few days later I was chatting on facebook with fabianalu11 and then L logged in and I took the opportunity to ask him if he had woken up one morning and decided to not talk to me anymore or if he was mad at me for something I had done or said, but he didn't tell me. So I that’s when I told fabianalu11 and when she asked him.
Last weekend when Fabi wanted to go out and he invited her to go to the movies with J (his bff, they are like glue and when she wasn't around he would talk crap about her), Fabi asked him if I could go (silly her, I wouldn't have asked that lol) and he told her to stop mentioning me (with different words).”
I don’t know what will happen now, I don’t know if he’ll ever talk to me again although I’m not sure I want him to, I will admit that sometimes I get nostalgic when I see pictures of us together. I don’t know, maybe I’ll make a collage of pictures and videos and send them to him, not asking for forgiveness because I have nothing to apologize about, but as a way of showing him how you sometimes can’t make rash decisions and how you should talk about your problems and not avoid them. I really don’t believe we had as many bad times as we had good ones, so I really don’t know what motivated him to end the friendship.
I know this is long and that is not of an interest to many but I needed to write it down because it helps me, it liberates my mind of some thoughts and it helps me express myself better and organize my thoughts. Yes I did save some of the conversation I had with my friend because I wanted to be specific when writing about it, before the conversation occurred I already knew I was going to be writing about this situation.
I wonder if it was something that I could have seen coming but was too naïve to see, or was it something that just came out of no where...at least for me.
If it could have been premeditated, could I have done something to change the out come? If it not, should I believe I'm not at fault?
I don't know if I should be making assumptions at this time but I have feeling that at the end when everything has been said and done, when every doubt and questions has been cleared and answered, I will not be upset or hurt but relief as the tormentous weight is lift off of me no matter what the out come will be.
I know at times I can be a pessimist but this time is different, my pessimism is not accompanied by sadness or fear but by a feeling of serenity and hope as I wait for the out come to occur.
I wont do anything at this point I will just stand back and watch the chips fall into place, I don't think there is much I can do at this moment but watch and read the signs though I have to admit that I'm getting a little tired of all this fuckery and can't wait for everything to be cleared out, I'm 100 % sure I don't need certain people in my life.
I wrote this on October 4th and I was going to post it but since I felt better after writing it I decided not to, since then somethings have happened that led to the outcome I was waiting for and which I will write about so it made sense to me to just post this.
Just finished writing this part today
So it came to an end and the outcome was losing someone who I considered a friend. Even though I was having some problems with his attitude, I still considered tolerating him but apparently I said or did something that made him take the decision of no longer being my friend, a decision I would sometimes linger upon when I would become aggravated by his bad temper and attitude. I was right something was wrong, I felt it, something seemed different and I kind of knew the friendship was coming to an end.
I was having the following conversation with a friend a few days ago through messenger about what had happened; she was unaware about the changes that had taken place in our group of friends. We are- sorry, we were a group of 5, and it was 4 girls including myself and him. We had become friends since high school and even though each of us had our own friends outside the group and some of us at times disappeared for a while, whenever we would come together it was as if we had never been apart and there were times when we would go out every weekend. Well all got along fine even if we would have arguments they were always minor and nothing ever got out of hand, we tolerated each others tempers but sometimes we can’t just tolerate everything and too much of a bitter bad attitude can drag any friendship or relationship to a breaking point and end it.
Because I don’t want to use their names I will just use the first letter of each of their names except for fabianalu11.
G asked me what had happened, why he wasn’t talking to me anymore and I answered;
“I don't know, I don't know why he got mad at me, I asked him but he didn't tell me. Then I find out he’s angry with me because he told fabianalu11 but didn't tell her why and the only reason she asked him is because I commented to her that he hadn’t respond back my message and it looked like he wasn’t talking to me, so she asked him about it. V knew about this because he had told her, I asked her if she knew he wasn't talking to me, she said yes but she didn't tell me if she knew why.
I'm crazy curious to know the reason, I'm dead serious when I say that I'm not hurt or angry at him for this, just curious and disappointed that he didn't tell me himself that he didn't want to be friends anymore and most of all that he doesn't tell me why.”
G says; “let me tell you something, L is acting worst than a woman, he makes a big fuss out anything.
I answered; “yeah, he is and that's why it doesn't bother me that much. I see it like at least I won’t have to deal with his 5 year old tantrums. I'm being honest here, before I found out that he wasn't talking to me I had a feeling that something was wrong and I started thinking that it might be best not be friends anymore because he isn't family, I don't have to be tolerating his tantrums like if I was his mom. Because is not once in a blue moon that he would get with his "I'm angry right now I don't want to talk to you/be friends with you, I'm going to take it out on you" attitude.
If he gets over this and decides to talk to me, fine, I'll talk to him but I wont see him as a close friend, not like I use to see him or like see you guys, I can't consider someone like him a friend, that you can't kid around with, that will get mad at you for anything, that will have those mood swings...no just no.”
G says; “He takes out his problems on the world; lately he’s always angry if you tell him something he answers back in a bad attitude like last time when we got together, I’m going to be honest, he ruined the night for me, I didn’t say anything because I don’t like arguing or fighting with anyone because then everyone’s night gets ruined but I wanted to answer back and slap him across the face, I didn’t go back home because of you guys but going out with him is becoming a bitter experience.
Is true that everyone has problems but he makes them bigger than what they are.”
I said: “I know you were mad for the way he talked to you that day, I noticed by the look on your face. He does make everything 100 times bigger than what they are, I usually try not to take him too seriously that's why I do answer back but in a "playful" sarcastic way. After that day he sent me an email telling me that he wasn't going to be able to go to Halloween Horror Nights and I answered back through facebook with an "ok", that was all.
Then I wrote two comments on his facebook regarding two posts he had made and he deleted them and that is when I started to notice something was different. I sent him a message some days later asking him when he was going to explain why he was unable to go to Halloween Horror nights since he said in his email that he was going to tell us why, and he didn't answer back.
A few days later I was chatting on facebook with fabianalu11 and then L logged in and I took the opportunity to ask him if he had woken up one morning and decided to not talk to me anymore or if he was mad at me for something I had done or said, but he didn't tell me. So I that’s when I told fabianalu11 and when she asked him.
Last weekend when Fabi wanted to go out and he invited her to go to the movies with J (his bff, they are like glue and when she wasn't around he would talk crap about her), Fabi asked him if I could go (silly her, I wouldn't have asked that lol) and he told her to stop mentioning me (with different words).”
I don’t know what will happen now, I don’t know if he’ll ever talk to me again although I’m not sure I want him to, I will admit that sometimes I get nostalgic when I see pictures of us together. I don’t know, maybe I’ll make a collage of pictures and videos and send them to him, not asking for forgiveness because I have nothing to apologize about, but as a way of showing him how you sometimes can’t make rash decisions and how you should talk about your problems and not avoid them. I really don’t believe we had as many bad times as we had good ones, so I really don’t know what motivated him to end the friendship.
I know this is long and that is not of an interest to many but I needed to write it down because it helps me, it liberates my mind of some thoughts and it helps me express myself better and organize my thoughts. Yes I did save some of the conversation I had with my friend because I wanted to be specific when writing about it, before the conversation occurred I already knew I was going to be writing about this situation.