A reading from the book of Danuiah
8 And it came to pass in the wilderness of the land that the Canaanites call England 2a certain woman possessing upright character and a large ass sat on her chair 3checking papers of the International General Certificate of Secondary Education examinations, singing praises to the Lord quietly. 4And that missy came upon the exam papers of Daniyal Bakir Daud, a boy of the center number AE125 and candidate number 0028, 5living in the large peninsula of the funny-looking people. And she said to herself, "He doth have a fairly ugly handwriting and I shall deduct marks for that".
6But before her ink could touch the holy paper of Daniyal, an angel of the Lord popped outta the paper 7and commanded her to stop. Upon seeing the hot, rugged angel-man, she stopped her pen in its tracks and cried out in despair, "I have seen the Holy One, I am going to die! Help me, Lord! What shall become of my useless little children?" 8And the angel of the Lord commanded her to do thusly:
"Thou shalt be good to the young, handsome Indian. 9Thou shalt grade him well, giving him an A* [pronounced A-star, thou nincompoop] in Chemistry, an A* in Biology, an A* in Physics, an A in Mathematics, 10an A* in English as a Second Language, an A* in Computer Studies and an A in Environmental Management. 11Then thou shalt find salvation waiting for thee upon thy toilet seat."
-- Danuaiah 8:1-11.
So I was at work today and my friend, Ammar, SMSes me telling me to ask my mom to call my school and ask for my IGCSE grades. I decided it would be better if I called school myself. So I did. The receptionist must've fallen asleep or she must've been giving birth to an anvil or something, because she didn't answer even after like 10 rings. Then she finally answered it and when I asked if the IGCSE results were out, she asked me my candidate number and name. I promptly gave them to her and she hit some keys, waiting for the grades to show up. Meanwhile she told me that only the 'good boys are calling'. I wanted to say something mean like 'Shut up and gimme them grades woman!' But I didn't. 'Coz I'm one of the 'good boys'.
Anyways, she finally said something about the grades and I pricked up my ears. She began, 'OK, English - A, Maths - C...'
I stopped. Choked on my breath [yeah, sounds stupid, doesn't it?]. Covered my mouth with my left hand. Sat down on the nearest chair and asked, 'What? Really? A 'C' in Math? Are you sure?'
Woman croaked, 'Uhh.. wait, I'll connect you to Mrs Ganesh.' Mrs Ganesh is the academic co-ordinator of our school. When she answered her phone, I asked her, almost crying, whether it was true that I had scored a C in Math and she was like, 'No, no, Daniyal, I know you've got 5 A*s and 2 As.'
You should've heard my sigh of relief when she said that. Wow, I mean.. I'm so happy with my grades. I'm really satisfied with myself.
Ammi and I SMSed people about it. We got fake champagne to celebrate. Well, it was peach water with carbon dioxide. So you can imagine :D
"Wait, before you close the curtain/ There's still another game to play/ And life is beautiful that way..."
- Achinoam Nini a.k.a Noa, in her song Life is Beautiful.
6But before her ink could touch the holy paper of Daniyal, an angel of the Lord popped outta the paper 7and commanded her to stop. Upon seeing the hot, rugged angel-man, she stopped her pen in its tracks and cried out in despair, "I have seen the Holy One, I am going to die! Help me, Lord! What shall become of my useless little children?" 8And the angel of the Lord commanded her to do thusly:
"Thou shalt be good to the young, handsome Indian. 9Thou shalt grade him well, giving him an A* [pronounced A-star, thou nincompoop] in Chemistry, an A* in Biology, an A* in Physics, an A in Mathematics, 10an A* in English as a Second Language, an A* in Computer Studies and an A in Environmental Management. 11Then thou shalt find salvation waiting for thee upon thy toilet seat."
-- Danuaiah 8:1-11.
So I was at work today and my friend, Ammar, SMSes me telling me to ask my mom to call my school and ask for my IGCSE grades. I decided it would be better if I called school myself. So I did. The receptionist must've fallen asleep or she must've been giving birth to an anvil or something, because she didn't answer even after like 10 rings. Then she finally answered it and when I asked if the IGCSE results were out, she asked me my candidate number and name. I promptly gave them to her and she hit some keys, waiting for the grades to show up. Meanwhile she told me that only the 'good boys are calling'. I wanted to say something mean like 'Shut up and gimme them grades woman!' But I didn't. 'Coz I'm one of the 'good boys'.
Anyways, she finally said something about the grades and I pricked up my ears. She began, 'OK, English - A, Maths - C...'
I stopped. Choked on my breath [yeah, sounds stupid, doesn't it?]. Covered my mouth with my left hand. Sat down on the nearest chair and asked, 'What? Really? A 'C' in Math? Are you sure?'
Woman croaked, 'Uhh.. wait, I'll connect you to Mrs Ganesh.' Mrs Ganesh is the academic co-ordinator of our school. When she answered her phone, I asked her, almost crying, whether it was true that I had scored a C in Math and she was like, 'No, no, Daniyal, I know you've got 5 A*s and 2 As.'
You should've heard my sigh of relief when she said that. Wow, I mean.. I'm so happy with my grades. I'm really satisfied with myself.
Ammi and I SMSed people about it. We got fake champagne to celebrate. Well, it was peach water with carbon dioxide. So you can imagine :D
"Wait, before you close the curtain/ There's still another game to play/ And life is beautiful that way..."
- Achinoam Nini a.k.a Noa, in her song Life is Beautiful.