6 months... or what would have been 6 months.
So this is my weekend...
Saturday morning I woke up at Erik's apartment. Everything seemed fine, we were just great. He was on his way to hang out with his friend for the afternoon and I was supposed to go to some more graduation parties. My dad ended up being around and came to see his apartment... that was weird. Well I get a phonecall around 6, Erik has met a friend, a girl, and is hanging out with her. Okay... fine. I tell myself I'm not jealous. I've met a few of his friends that are girls, and they are nice. Well I get a call later, right before I'm about to call him. He tells me not to come over... yeah. That hurt. So I'm with my friends, we're drinking a little bit and just hanging out. Well it's 2:00 in the morning and I can't sleep. I decide to go home. Except I take a detour to his apartment. The girl is there, Erik doesn't even say hi, I supposed I freaked him out because it was 2:30 am and I was crying and ringing his doorbell nonstop. Well he just tells me to go home.
I go into hysterics! I wake my mom up when I get home at 3. We talk, she says everything will be fine... yeah okay. I called Erik about 15 times from 4 am to 12. He calls me at 12. I ask if we're still together, he says he doesn't know, but I go over there to talk through everything.
He breaks up with me.
I'm upset because I'm madly in love with him and I think it's all my fault for freaking him out at 2 am.
Well I'm upset all day, crying, not eating... just laying in the living room and watching tv. I did go out for a little while and talk about everything with my friend Meghan, who told me it'd be okay. Well I decide to sleep downstairs, and it's 12:30. I'm asleep. Erik calls. My mom wakes me up and I try to call him back with no answer. He calls back 10 minutes later and apparently he is an idiot. He should of never broken up with me, and he doesn't know what he is thinking. Well I'm too tired to drive so he comes and picks me up. We go to Ihop, we talk, it seems like we'll be fine. We go back to his place, hell... we even had sex. But when he wakes up in the morning it's not how he felt it should be. So we talk a lot more, a lot lot more. And finally we decide to go on a break, or really break up. This is so he can figure out wether he wants to be with me because he wants me, or because he is lonely in his apartment by himself.
I haven't even told the best part!! Saturday night he ended up making out with that girl and she stayed the night. Yeah that hurts... but when he was breaking up with me Sunday morning he was telling me all these excuses and stuff still making it feel like it was my fault. Because I'm so emotional, and that we always have little fights. Well... he tells me Sunday night at Ihop that he hung out with her Sunday and started thinking about me. When he first called at 12:30, she was still at his apartment getting ready to leave. He also told me that breaking up with me he thought would make him feel better about cheating on me.
So it's monday afternoon and we talk on almost every one of his breaks. He keeps going back and forth. He wants to be with me, he loves me, but he thinks this girl might like him, but he wants me, but he doesn't want to hurt me anymore. I don't care about the girl, about the cheating, hell it was only making out, Who cares! (well my friends... but they are friends and want the best for me.) I just want to be with him. I want to forget everything and just be with him. But only if he wants to be with me. I don't want to go back out and then have him break up with me when this girl gets back in town Sunday. But we'll see... we talked for an hour today, after he hung out with that girl, and well... he wants me to come over tonight. to talk. we'll see... I'm going to see Superman with my brother and some of his friends tonight. So that should clear my head a little.
But basically if i do go over there tonight, it's like if it doesn't work tonight then it will never work. And he'll go out with that girl. But he wants to spend his week off of work with me. And we've even talked about being friends with small benefits, like sleeping at his apartment. no sex, no kisses, no cute niknames. Just cuddling and talking. I'm so hurt right now and so in love with him... I'll do anything to see him and be with him.
Except going over there tonight... I'm not sure thats a good idea.
So thats all of it up until this moment. I'm waiting for him to call me on his next work break. I just have a few questions.
Saturday morning I woke up at Erik's apartment. Everything seemed fine, we were just great. He was on his way to hang out with his friend for the afternoon and I was supposed to go to some more graduation parties. My dad ended up being around and came to see his apartment... that was weird. Well I get a phonecall around 6, Erik has met a friend, a girl, and is hanging out with her. Okay... fine. I tell myself I'm not jealous. I've met a few of his friends that are girls, and they are nice. Well I get a call later, right before I'm about to call him. He tells me not to come over... yeah. That hurt. So I'm with my friends, we're drinking a little bit and just hanging out. Well it's 2:00 in the morning and I can't sleep. I decide to go home. Except I take a detour to his apartment. The girl is there, Erik doesn't even say hi, I supposed I freaked him out because it was 2:30 am and I was crying and ringing his doorbell nonstop. Well he just tells me to go home.
I go into hysterics! I wake my mom up when I get home at 3. We talk, she says everything will be fine... yeah okay. I called Erik about 15 times from 4 am to 12. He calls me at 12. I ask if we're still together, he says he doesn't know, but I go over there to talk through everything.
He breaks up with me.
I'm upset because I'm madly in love with him and I think it's all my fault for freaking him out at 2 am.
Well I'm upset all day, crying, not eating... just laying in the living room and watching tv. I did go out for a little while and talk about everything with my friend Meghan, who told me it'd be okay. Well I decide to sleep downstairs, and it's 12:30. I'm asleep. Erik calls. My mom wakes me up and I try to call him back with no answer. He calls back 10 minutes later and apparently he is an idiot. He should of never broken up with me, and he doesn't know what he is thinking. Well I'm too tired to drive so he comes and picks me up. We go to Ihop, we talk, it seems like we'll be fine. We go back to his place, hell... we even had sex. But when he wakes up in the morning it's not how he felt it should be. So we talk a lot more, a lot lot more. And finally we decide to go on a break, or really break up. This is so he can figure out wether he wants to be with me because he wants me, or because he is lonely in his apartment by himself.
I haven't even told the best part!! Saturday night he ended up making out with that girl and she stayed the night. Yeah that hurts... but when he was breaking up with me Sunday morning he was telling me all these excuses and stuff still making it feel like it was my fault. Because I'm so emotional, and that we always have little fights. Well... he tells me Sunday night at Ihop that he hung out with her Sunday and started thinking about me. When he first called at 12:30, she was still at his apartment getting ready to leave. He also told me that breaking up with me he thought would make him feel better about cheating on me.
So it's monday afternoon and we talk on almost every one of his breaks. He keeps going back and forth. He wants to be with me, he loves me, but he thinks this girl might like him, but he wants me, but he doesn't want to hurt me anymore. I don't care about the girl, about the cheating, hell it was only making out, Who cares! (well my friends... but they are friends and want the best for me.) I just want to be with him. I want to forget everything and just be with him. But only if he wants to be with me. I don't want to go back out and then have him break up with me when this girl gets back in town Sunday. But we'll see... we talked for an hour today, after he hung out with that girl, and well... he wants me to come over tonight. to talk. we'll see... I'm going to see Superman with my brother and some of his friends tonight. So that should clear my head a little.
But basically if i do go over there tonight, it's like if it doesn't work tonight then it will never work. And he'll go out with that girl. But he wants to spend his week off of work with me. And we've even talked about being friends with small benefits, like sleeping at his apartment. no sex, no kisses, no cute niknames. Just cuddling and talking. I'm so hurt right now and so in love with him... I'll do anything to see him and be with him.
Except going over there tonight... I'm not sure thats a good idea.
So thats all of it up until this moment. I'm waiting for him to call me on his next work break. I just have a few questions.