The Dark Ages come to a crashing halt
I deleted, edited and reworked a lot of my entries. I kept them genuine, and subjective to the feelings they exude, however I cut out a lot of entries that I felt lacked importance to my past emotions. I am doing this because I am trying to get in touch with the person the I use to be. For the past couple of months I've been nothing but a void. Just a shell of inadequate emotions, and coming up short in all the categories that I should excel in. I understand the transition from high school to college is a changing experience, and that it takes patients and practice to deal with the new things forced upon me, however its to much of a radical change from before. I've lost my vibrancy, my essence, essentially I've lost myself. I've spoken, ranted, and whined to other about my predicament, but it appears that no one understand, however I do applaud them for listening and being there for me. It's difficult to continue to go through the motions of how I believebeleive I am suppose to act and behave, and to be quite frank I'm failing miserably at being myself. I don't know if this calls for introspection, because I already know that I'm losing myself, and the why is that I'm simply at a stand still stalemate. I don't mean to come off as melancholy, because I am not melancholy, yes I do mourn the passing of my vivacious attitude and ever ready smirks, smiles, and snarls, however I do look forward and I am trying to figure out where the empty cavity is coming from, and how to fulfill it in a way that it has an actual substance filling it, instead of the artificial shit. I am a making plans, and doing things that help me feel better about myself and my situation. After I write this for instance, I am going to call my family, organize my school shit, study for my math test, maybe take a bath, do my hair and nails, relax and review, and maybe, just maybe, I may go to sleep before 2, but that's a really big thing that I may just not be ready for yet ^_~
Model: Adrena (me)
Photographer: SOS