Whenever it Gets Hot, I Really Miss Florida.
This time of year, when it is hot here, is actually the time I miss Florida more than the winters. It defies the natural logic. Most people, at least those here in PA, wish for hot weather and sunny Florida in the winters when the snow and ice are nasty and the cold weather gets into their bones and I agree, at those times, I miss Florida too.
It was never my intention to settle here in NEPA for as long as I've lived here, but every time I start to make plans to move away, something happens to keep me here. And I don't mean I'm prevented against my will. I mean things happen, like relationships, which give me a reason to STAY. In the beginning, it wasn't that I wanted specifically to move to Florida. In fact, one of the hindsight things I could really kick myself for is that when I was married to Brian, he wanted to move to Florida and I was the one who said no. At that time, I still was trying to look for a way to move back to NY. My family is many generations of NYC (Brooklyn) and I wanted to move back to the City. So Brian wanted to move to Florida, but I did not. I think now, had I given in, I'd be living where I wish I was living. =( I wish I'd given it a chance back then.
However, that didn't happen, and I won't beat myself up over it. But since then, every time I get myself some plans to move away from here, seriously a relationship comes into my life and suddenly it is MY choice to stay put. Like when Billy (Aiken Drum for those who knew him online) moved up here, I thought, wow, I can relax and not worry about moving now cause I'm HAPPY here and it doesn't matter where you live when you're happy!
And for some time, that does work. And then after a few years we started talking about moving us both to Florida, which is where he was from. Then he decided he wanted to go back to Florida, but he didn't want to take me with him, he wanted to move in with his exgirlfriend Trisha. So he left me. And part of me has always been resentful that he couldn't wait till we both moved down there anyway and then leave, cause at least I'd have been living where I wanted to be..... *sigh* but I got stranded here again, high and dry.
Ironic that the thing I had given up (moving) to stay here with him cause I wanted to be with him (happiness) and then in the end where did he leave me but right back where I started, alone and unhappy HERE.
And then just as I started to make plans to move myself down to Florida on my own anyway, along came Ken. And I dropped everything once again to stay in a relationship. On paper, now, it sounds like foolish decisions, but when you are faced with really strong feelings for someone, and you have a budding relationship, the honest truth is that if you move over a thousand miles away, they are NOT going to stay involved with you. It's different if you are already married to them or if you begin the relationship after you move, but if they are close to you geographically and then you move away very far, very few people have what it takes to maintain a relationship long distance.
So things with Ken didn't work out either, but it went on long enough to make me give up my plans to move. Again. And I was with Ken for like 2.5 years before we split up. And then after I broke up with him, along came Ed..... and so the story goes.
So every winter when the snow and ice and cold are bad, yes I do wish very much that I had moved to Florida after all. Hindsight is 20/20 and of course I look back and see that NOT ONE of these relationships ended up being a healthy reason to not move, but you know, when you are in the middle of a decision you do the best you can with the information you have.
But now, in the heat of the early summer, is when my body *remembers* the feeling of being in Florida. And, unlike a lot of people, I don't think that it would be too hot in the summer. I guess I mean I don't mind hot no matter how hot it gets. Yes, in the winters Florida is like 30 or 40 degrees warmer than here, but in the summer when it's 95 here, it's no more than ten degrees warmer there (even in the hottest summer down there it rarely goes over 105 degrees, at least not in Daytona which is where I want to go)
Here in the summer, no matter how hot it gets, people are saying "Hot enough for ya?" and I say NO! I would rather be in Florida and be ten degrees hotter.
Which brings me to my current situation. I'm living here now, waiting for Ed to get off house arrest and get a job so he can make enough money to start fixing his own life up, because I'm just too soft hearted to put him out on the street homeless. No matter how bad it gets here, it's not, in my opinion, bad enough to warrant making someone homeless. That would be pretty f**king mean. My father, and a lot of people, constantly pressure me to throw him out and not care where he lands, but that is a kind of cruelty I'm not capable of. And it hurts me to hear it all the time.
I've got a disability application pending. I know I'm going to get rejected the first time, they always reject everyone the first time, unless you're terminally ill or something. But once I get turned down, I can appeal, and I can lawyer up, and I am determined to get it. And once I get it (might take as long as a year from now) then I will be financially able to move.
And the DAY I am able to handle a move financially, I am moving. To Florida, unless something better turns up between now and then.
Meanwhile, as long as the weather is hot, I can sit here and pretend I'm in Florida, and it's not so bad..... =)
It was never my intention to settle here in NEPA for as long as I've lived here, but every time I start to make plans to move away, something happens to keep me here. And I don't mean I'm prevented against my will. I mean things happen, like relationships, which give me a reason to STAY. In the beginning, it wasn't that I wanted specifically to move to Florida. In fact, one of the hindsight things I could really kick myself for is that when I was married to Brian, he wanted to move to Florida and I was the one who said no. At that time, I still was trying to look for a way to move back to NY. My family is many generations of NYC (Brooklyn) and I wanted to move back to the City. So Brian wanted to move to Florida, but I did not. I think now, had I given in, I'd be living where I wish I was living. =( I wish I'd given it a chance back then.
However, that didn't happen, and I won't beat myself up over it. But since then, every time I get myself some plans to move away from here, seriously a relationship comes into my life and suddenly it is MY choice to stay put. Like when Billy (Aiken Drum for those who knew him online) moved up here, I thought, wow, I can relax and not worry about moving now cause I'm HAPPY here and it doesn't matter where you live when you're happy!
And for some time, that does work. And then after a few years we started talking about moving us both to Florida, which is where he was from. Then he decided he wanted to go back to Florida, but he didn't want to take me with him, he wanted to move in with his exgirlfriend Trisha. So he left me. And part of me has always been resentful that he couldn't wait till we both moved down there anyway and then leave, cause at least I'd have been living where I wanted to be..... *sigh* but I got stranded here again, high and dry.
Ironic that the thing I had given up (moving) to stay here with him cause I wanted to be with him (happiness) and then in the end where did he leave me but right back where I started, alone and unhappy HERE.
And then just as I started to make plans to move myself down to Florida on my own anyway, along came Ken. And I dropped everything once again to stay in a relationship. On paper, now, it sounds like foolish decisions, but when you are faced with really strong feelings for someone, and you have a budding relationship, the honest truth is that if you move over a thousand miles away, they are NOT going to stay involved with you. It's different if you are already married to them or if you begin the relationship after you move, but if they are close to you geographically and then you move away very far, very few people have what it takes to maintain a relationship long distance.
So things with Ken didn't work out either, but it went on long enough to make me give up my plans to move. Again. And I was with Ken for like 2.5 years before we split up. And then after I broke up with him, along came Ed..... and so the story goes.
So every winter when the snow and ice and cold are bad, yes I do wish very much that I had moved to Florida after all. Hindsight is 20/20 and of course I look back and see that NOT ONE of these relationships ended up being a healthy reason to not move, but you know, when you are in the middle of a decision you do the best you can with the information you have.
But now, in the heat of the early summer, is when my body *remembers* the feeling of being in Florida. And, unlike a lot of people, I don't think that it would be too hot in the summer. I guess I mean I don't mind hot no matter how hot it gets. Yes, in the winters Florida is like 30 or 40 degrees warmer than here, but in the summer when it's 95 here, it's no more than ten degrees warmer there (even in the hottest summer down there it rarely goes over 105 degrees, at least not in Daytona which is where I want to go)
Here in the summer, no matter how hot it gets, people are saying "Hot enough for ya?" and I say NO! I would rather be in Florida and be ten degrees hotter.
Which brings me to my current situation. I'm living here now, waiting for Ed to get off house arrest and get a job so he can make enough money to start fixing his own life up, because I'm just too soft hearted to put him out on the street homeless. No matter how bad it gets here, it's not, in my opinion, bad enough to warrant making someone homeless. That would be pretty f**king mean. My father, and a lot of people, constantly pressure me to throw him out and not care where he lands, but that is a kind of cruelty I'm not capable of. And it hurts me to hear it all the time.
I've got a disability application pending. I know I'm going to get rejected the first time, they always reject everyone the first time, unless you're terminally ill or something. But once I get turned down, I can appeal, and I can lawyer up, and I am determined to get it. And once I get it (might take as long as a year from now) then I will be financially able to move.
And the DAY I am able to handle a move financially, I am moving. To Florida, unless something better turns up between now and then.
Meanwhile, as long as the weather is hot, I can sit here and pretend I'm in Florida, and it's not so bad..... =)