Anxiety?
Ok so this past week I had my doctor's appointment. My new doctor is Russian and has a pretty bad accent, but seemed nice. However, she didn't seem to know a whole lot about anything. Buttt I got referred to get an endoscopy done. I had this done thursday at the hospital. It wasn't really too bad. The worst part was putting the IV in 'cause my body freaks out...the nurses called it a vagal (not sure that's the correct spelling) response. I really liked the nurses there too...they were very comforting and helpful. Thennn they drugged me up so I went right to sleep for the procedure. The anesthesia they used also had an amnesia affect so I really don't remember anything till I got home. Anyway, according to the doctor there was nothing wrong. Therefore, it's been suggested that a lot of my problems are probably anxiety related. I guess that makes sense since it is always worse when I'm stressed or basically anytime I'm at school 'cause the people there just completely stress me out. I asked my mom to check with the people at her work for what anxiety meds work best with little side effects so that I can get another doctor's appointment to get a perscription for something to try that will hopefully work. I'm sure this wont happen till after I'm done school so that kinda sucks for the last awful months there. I guess maybe I'm gonna have to try harder to just not give a shit about anyone else's problems and just be more aggressive when it comes to dealing with everyone. My mind and body can't afford to listen to anyone else's shit anymore or deal with their bullshit. I don't think it will be hard to not give a shit 'cause well I never really have. I think I just need to speak up and apparently be an even bigger bitch to get people to just shut the hell up already. Hopefully with spring coming I'll also be able to get outside more and get fresh air. Also, I'll be able to have my car after Easter so I can just get away and go to Salvation Army and stuff with Karen and just do fun stuff. I really can't wait to leave St Joe's behind because over the past 4 years the school and especially the people around me are just slowly killing me. It really sucks that I'm such a nice and caring person 'cause everyone dumps their problems or their bad moods on me and I'm the one that suffers. I don't do it to anyone so I wish they wouldn't do it to me, but I know that's impossible because they're just self-absorbed and only care about bitching and moaning about the dumbest things. Why is pretty much the entire population like this? I dunno, but I hate it. I'm gonna hold out hope that maybe the people in Maryland will be different. And until then I've got to try to not give a shit about what anyone else thinks and put myself first. I've never been selfish in my life so I don't know if I can do this, but at this point I don't really have a choice because I NEED to do it because my body just can't handle this anymore.