Life
Life has been confusing, complicated, and blah.
The news about Aaron blew me out of the water. And at first i had some trouble dealing with it. Every time i thought about him or saw his picture i would break down. But now i can look at his pictures and smile. When people bring it up it does not rip through me. I miss him and i always will. He was such a wonderful person but now he is in a better place, and now he is the guardian angel of everyone he knew (he was before but now he can watch over all of us at once).
Enough of that topic. Dr. Alan is really wonderful. He helps so much (and so does the kickboxing). Life has been getting better for me in the "mandie is not falling apart" aspect. There are still things that get me down a bit. But they dont knock me down like they used to.
I feel weird being in this limbo, and even though i hate it, i will remain here as long as necessary. I will not push him to chose. I love him so much (i am so in love with him) and i will be for a very long time (probably forever). I will never give up the hope, but i need to put my main focus on school.
I know that things will work themselves out, and where they cannot i will. Everything will be just fine, it will just take some time. Actions cannot be undone in a week or two. I have so much hope right now (and forever). I will never go back to what i used to be, that person who was distroying herself, who just let herself start to die. I am a fighter and i always have been. There is nothing that will distroy me. There is nothing that i cannot face. With some things it will take a while, but i will always come out on top. I have more faith in myself than i ever have.
All my life i did things for others (good grades for Daddy, medications and therapy for Mommy and everyone else worried sick about me, etc) but now i am doing things for me. I will never be a victim again. I can take care of myself, i am strong and smart. I am going to keep moving up until i hit the top and then grow wings so i can keep on climbing, there is no turning back, i will only move foward
The news about Aaron blew me out of the water. And at first i had some trouble dealing with it. Every time i thought about him or saw his picture i would break down. But now i can look at his pictures and smile. When people bring it up it does not rip through me. I miss him and i always will. He was such a wonderful person but now he is in a better place, and now he is the guardian angel of everyone he knew (he was before but now he can watch over all of us at once).
Enough of that topic. Dr. Alan is really wonderful. He helps so much (and so does the kickboxing). Life has been getting better for me in the "mandie is not falling apart" aspect. There are still things that get me down a bit. But they dont knock me down like they used to.
I feel weird being in this limbo, and even though i hate it, i will remain here as long as necessary. I will not push him to chose. I love him so much (i am so in love with him) and i will be for a very long time (probably forever). I will never give up the hope, but i need to put my main focus on school.
I know that things will work themselves out, and where they cannot i will. Everything will be just fine, it will just take some time. Actions cannot be undone in a week or two. I have so much hope right now (and forever). I will never go back to what i used to be, that person who was distroying herself, who just let herself start to die. I am a fighter and i always have been. There is nothing that will distroy me. There is nothing that i cannot face. With some things it will take a while, but i will always come out on top. I have more faith in myself than i ever have.
All my life i did things for others (good grades for Daddy, medications and therapy for Mommy and everyone else worried sick about me, etc) but now i am doing things for me. I will never be a victim again. I can take care of myself, i am strong and smart. I am going to keep moving up until i hit the top and then grow wings so i can keep on climbing, there is no turning back, i will only move foward