Here Ye, Here Ye!!! By Royal Decree......
I am a total hypochondriac. But NOT in the way you'd think... I (unlike my father) do NOT go postal crazy about being sick and don't go around telling everyone that they, my second cousins' brothers' uncle, or even *I* may have swine flu, diabetes, Malaria, West Nile, Haunta Virus, and various other insane diseases.
Yes, my dad DOES tell people stuff like that. Yes, we make fun of him for it... a LOT.
Anyway, I've decided that I have an entirely different form of hypochondria that may be an all NEW form of the disease!!
I have... Are you ready?? ... I have (pause for dramatic affect) ... Hypochondria GRAVIDIC!!!
What IS hypochondria gravidic, you ask??? Why, it's latin for:
I freakin' think I'm PREGNANT all the D@#N time, to the point where my body actually PRODUCES symptoms of pregnancy!!!!
It's getting REALLY annoying...
I think there has been only one month in the last SIX, in which I have not declared to my husband, mother, friend, or co-worker, that I MIGHT/THINK I MIGHT be pregnant. I sense ONE little thing out of whack with my body and POOF!!! I get all giddy and paranoid about having a baby, run out and buy countless pregnancy tests, and continue taking them until I (inevitably) start my new cycle...
It's ridiculous. I have a PROBLEM!!!
I've decided I need something with which to REALLY preoccupy myself so I can stop thinking about BABIES all the time! The ideal distraction would be landing a teaching job so I can dive headlong into THOSE kids instead. Maybe some wayward parent would even let me keep one...
;-) Just kidding. ... Or AM I???
Yes, my dad DOES tell people stuff like that. Yes, we make fun of him for it... a LOT.
Anyway, I've decided that I have an entirely different form of hypochondria that may be an all NEW form of the disease!!
I have... Are you ready?? ... I have (pause for dramatic affect) ... Hypochondria GRAVIDIC!!!
What IS hypochondria gravidic, you ask??? Why, it's latin for:
I freakin' think I'm PREGNANT all the D@#N time, to the point where my body actually PRODUCES symptoms of pregnancy!!!!
It's getting REALLY annoying...
I think there has been only one month in the last SIX, in which I have not declared to my husband, mother, friend, or co-worker, that I MIGHT/THINK I MIGHT be pregnant. I sense ONE little thing out of whack with my body and POOF!!! I get all giddy and paranoid about having a baby, run out and buy countless pregnancy tests, and continue taking them until I (inevitably) start my new cycle...
It's ridiculous. I have a PROBLEM!!!
I've decided I need something with which to REALLY preoccupy myself so I can stop thinking about BABIES all the time! The ideal distraction would be landing a teaching job so I can dive headlong into THOSE kids instead. Maybe some wayward parent would even let me keep one...
;-) Just kidding. ... Or AM I???