Still sick as hell, how 'bout yourself?
I haven't been able to keep anything in my stomach for more than a few hours, for the last weekand a half.
I don't really know how I feel about anything right now. I'm waiting for Bear to get home from work (he works nights) and I'm really bored. He might quit tomorrow if they don't have his paycheck ready. This is the second week that checks have been four fucking days late. How the fuck do they expect him to get to work if he has no gas money - or food to eat? How the fuck do they expect him to make quota when he has no fucking motivation to do so....say, like pay motivation?? Dick Fuckers.
I'd watch tv right now, but one can only take sooo many Roseanne marathons every night.
Mama made brownies tonight, and me and V made lemon blueberry muffins/cake. We figured both would be good. I haven't actually eaten any yet. Partly because I can't really taste anything, it's just different textures, and partly because I don't wanna puke again tonight. This blows, really, because I seriously enjoy food. I looove eating, and making food, and looking at food...and everything I eat comes back up. We had delicious bbq pork chops, with creamy garlic pasta, and carrots with butter and parsley for dinner, but I only got to keep mine for 2 hours. It was awesome food, and I would have liked for it to go to mine hips, but not today. I wonder how much weight I have lost in the last 10 days?? I need new pants.
Tomorrow is the first of Bear's three days off (assuming he doesn't quit) and we are supposed to go to klamath to see his other Grandparents and his Mom. I hate his other Grandparents - fucking judgemental, hypocritical, christian cult, stuck in the mud assholes. They don't like me because... oh let me count the ways. - I have long hair, and now so does Bear.
- I am not Lutheran. Or any denomination of christianity for that matter.
- I have been living like a jezebel in sin for the last 31/2 years.
- We have premarital sex.
- I'm not one of the granddaughters of there uptight friends
- I have defiled my body with tattoos.
- and a myriad of other nonsense reasons to hate someone.
Last Christmas, they actually had Bear's 6 year old niece come up and ask us when we were planning on getting married so we weren't living in sin anymore and we would both get into heaven. Can you believe that shit?? Brainwashing a fucking six year old?? They don't know what sin is, they don't even care about marriage, they're 6 years old and innocent. Bastards.
I'm probably going to stay at his moms house when he goes over there...cuz I might just say something this time, or rip the old cunts throat out while she's talking. I'm sick of being called names and made to feel inferior. Oh, that's another one - I'm a "devil worshipper." Sometimes they don't even say my name, just refer to me as her or thet girl, with deliberate distain in therir voices. Ignorant jackasses. I just want to spit in their faces and tell them I hope they burn in hell (which a very fitting insult to someone who actually believes in the place) but I'm a better person than they are, so I'm not stooping to that level.
V is talking in her sleep right now. It's pretty funny and she's done it since she was little. She hardly ever makes any sense - it's just jibberish, or random words thrown together in no logical order, but the running theme seems to be that I'm doing something to her that she doesn't like.
We got an electric blanket with dual controls. It is Devine. I am finally warm at night - aaaannnd Squig now faithfully cuddles me every night again. I missed sleeping with fat kitty. Speaking of fat - he's gained weight since we came back cuz my mom doesn't seem to understand that you can't refill the dish everytime it gets emptied...Squig needs to be strictly rationed or he just pigs out all day and night. He's put on at least another 3 pounds. He now weighs in at close to 30 lbs. maybe I'll use V's camera and take some pictures of me with fatty and panda. They are my babies after all...
I better stop nooow. this is getting rediculously long. Good night my sweets, sleep tight.