Previous ChapterChapter 7
Kevin surreptitiously checked his watch. The meeting was running exceptionally long, nobody was listening to a single piece of advice he gave, and he had wanted to leave on time so he wouldn’t be late for the rescheduled meeting with Scotty. They had decided to keep Amy with them that night rather than have Nora or one of his siblings babysit. It was going to be a family evening with dinner for three, playing with Amy, and trying to get her to stand again or even take a few steps. The change had been Scotty’s idea. He felt that they had spent so much time trying to figure out the two of them as a couple and had made such good progress. Now it was time to remind themselves how to be a family again.
Kevin considered the odds of this meeting ending within the next five minutes, whether he could get out of the office less than ten minutes after that, and whether he’d hit nothing but green lights and freely-moving traffic on the way home. During rush hour. Then he sighed.
Robert glanced over at the noise and gave him a slight glare. Kevin stared impassively back. A soft knock interrupted their stand-off, and an assistant quietly entered the room. She walked closer to Kevin and handed him a message slip. Kevin read it quickly.
Scotty: Amy has had an allergic reaction. He’s taken her to the ER.
Kevin stood up abruptly. “I’m sorry,” he announced. “I have to go.”
“Kevin!” Robert said.
Kevin turned to him. “My daughter’s in the ER. I’m leaving now.”
He didn’t wait for a response. He simply hurried out of the office without looking back. He made it to the hospital in record time, nearly yelled Amy’s name at the desk nurse and ran in the direction she indicated.
He found Scotty and Amy in a small exam room, the ER doctor and their pediatrician standing next to the bed.
“What happened?” Kevin asked. “Is she OK?”
Scotty turned to him, taking a few steps closer; Kevin met him halfway. He wrapped his arm around Scotty’s waist and tried not to let the look of fear in his husband’s eyes affect his own carefully-maintained emotions.
“I think so,” the ER doctor replied. “We just want to keep her here for an hour or so to make sure she has no reactions to the drugs we gave her.”
Kevin only half-listened after the first sentence. He stared down at Amy who was fidgeting quietly, tear streaks lining her face and red hives beginning to fade on her cheeks and arms. He heard a few more exchanges between the doctors and Scotty, and he barely noticed as the doctors left the room. He finally tuned back into his surroundings when he heard Scotty next to him release a shuddering breath.
“Oh God,” Scotty said quietly.
Kevin faced him, pulling him into a tight hug. “What happened?” he asked.
“She stopped breathing,” Scotty choked out, and Kevin felt his heart skip a beat. “Just as we got here, she stopped breathing. I thought she - ”
“It’s OK; it’s OK. She’s going to be fine.”
“It was just some apricots. She hasn’t had any problems with solid foods. I didn’t even think…”
“You couldn’t have known. You got her here, and she’s going to be fine.”
Scotty stopped talking then. He just tightened his embrace around Kevin and buried his face in Kevin’s neck.
***
Sometime later, Kevin walked into the waiting room, pulling out his phone to call his mother. He should have known, however, that they’d all be there already. He had just found her number in his list of contacts when she spoke up.
“Kevin! How is she?”
Kevin looked up, startled, and stared at everyone. Kitty walked closer and grabbed his hand, squeezing it in support.
“Robert called me,” she explained. “He’s finishing up the meeting and then will be here too.”
“Oh,” Kevin responded, still slightly dazed. Then he recovered and turned back to Nora. “She’s going to be fine. They just want to keep her under observation for a while.”
Nora sat back in her chair, exhaling in relief.
“What happened?” Justin asked.
“Allergic reaction. Scotty brought her in. It was…pretty bad.”
Sarah nodded encouragingly at him, and Kevin found himself relaxing. “I should get back in there,” he said, pointing over his shoulder.
“I’m coming with you,” Nora said in a tone that brooked no argument.
***
Kevin tilted his head back against the wall, swallowing thickly as he rested his eyes. The doctors were in with Amy now, checking to see if she was ready to go home. Kevin had hovered for a few moments before stepping out to give them room. A soft clearing of a throat was the first sound that indicated someone was next to him. Kevin opened his eyes and quickly sat up.
“Hi Uncle Saul,” he said.
“Kevin,” the older man replied, patting his knee. “Where’s Scotty?”
“Oh, um,” Kevin rubbed quickly at his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “He’s in the cafeteria with Mom. He’s too skinny for her comfort.”
Saul smiled, slightly confused. “I saw him earlier. He seemed perfectly Scotty-sized.”
Kevin snorted. “Yeah, he is. It’s Mom being Mom. She hasn’t fed him in a while, so of course he hasn’t been eating well.”
Saul smiled wider, nodding in understanding. He didn’t say anything for a beat after that, and he and Kevin simply watched the various hospital personnel passing by them quickly. Finally, Saul turned to Kevin.
“How are things with Scotty?”
Kevin thought for a minute, wanting to answer truthfully. “Good, I think. I think we might…fix this.”
“Good,” Saul said firmly. He paused for a moment before adding, “I apologize for my own part in it.”
Kevin looked to him, confused. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Saul shrugged. “All of us were a little too quick to call you for help, I think. I spent 30, 40 years tying myself up in Walker family business, both personally and professionally. At the expense of my own chances for…And I just didn’t even notice we were allowing you to do the same thing.”
Kevin turned away. “I made my own mistakes. I could have said no. I could have left you all to your own problems. I was just so used to being the one everyone depended on, and I…didn’t want to give that up. Truthfully, it always used to feel nice to be…needed, especially considering Dad - And Scotty, for the most part, is pretty self-reliant. I forget that he needs me sometimes too.”
Saul nodded slowly. “And what about work? You clearly are learning to prioritize. You got here right away.”
Kevin scoffed in self-recrimination. “Of course I did. She’s in the ER. It’s the slightly less urgent reasons to leave work behind that Scotty’s worried about, I think.”
“I guess I didn’t realize that job was so important to you,” Saul said softly.
Kevin leaned forward, running his hand across the back of his head. “It’s not,” he said emphatically. “Honestly, Uncle Saul, I don’t even really like it very often. I just…”
Kevin collapsed back against the wall, sighing. “It’s what I knew, you know? In the past, when things went wrong in a relationship or I got stressed out, I…I buried myself in my work. I could feel Scotty slipping away from me and the further away he got, the more time I spent in the office. The more often he hinted that I should quit, the more stubborn I got. I felt like everything was spinning so fast, out of control, and I didn’t know what to do. And for what? Sitting in those unending meetings with a bunch of Republicans? That sure was worth losing my whole family over.”
Saul put a hand on Kevin’s shoulder and rubbed slowly. “You didn’t lose them, and you didn’t lose us. And it’s not too late.”
Kevin turned to Saul, offering him a small smile. Then he nodded. “I know, Uncle Saul.”
***
Kevin glanced at Scotty through the mirror, smiling at him before focusing again on the tie he was knotting. Scotty sat up in bed, wearing nothing but boxers and a tight t-shirt. It was entirely too tempting, but the last few times Kevin had tried to initiate something, Scotty had resisted. He glanced at Scotty again and was surprised to see he was staring back, a curiously sad smile on his face.
“How late do you work tonight?” Scotty asked softly.
“Mmm, five or so. I should be home by six.”
“Should be or will be?”
Kevin watched him for a moment. “Will be. Why?”
Scotty shrugged and looked away. “I need to talk to you.”
“What about?”
Scotty didn’t answer. He merely rose to his knees and crawled to the end of the bed. He wrapped his arms around Kevin and carefully moved Kevin’s hands out of the way. Rather than taking over tie-tying duty, however, he undid Kevin’s work and pulled the silk from his collar. Kevin smiled.
“What are you doing?”
Scotty didn’t answer. He merely moved his hands to the top buttons of Kevin’s Oxford, unhooking them one by one. As soon as he opened a large enough gap, he slid his hand beneath the shirt, rubbing Kevin’s chest slowly. Kevin glanced quickly over the edge of the crib; Amy was sleeping soundly.
“We’ll have to get a bigger place soon, or we won’t be able to do this much longer. Not without thousands of dollars for therapy in the future,” Kevin said with a grin.
Scotty didn’t answer. He merely tugged on Kevin’s arm, pulling him back onto the bed with him. Kevin laughed in surprise and happy anticipation, but Scotty maintained his rather serious silence as he propped himself on his elbow. He leaned down and kissed Kevin, moving one hand up to bury it in his hair.
He pulled back slightly, lowering himself to kiss the ridge of Kevin’s collar bone exposed by his loose shirt. Kevin sighed, holding one hand to the back of Scotty’s head.
“I don’t want to rush you,” he murmured, “but I don’t have much time.”
Scotty didn’t answer. He merely slid his hand down Kevin’s side, resting his fingers lightly on the button of his pants. He fumbled slightly, finally releasing the button and lowering the zipper. He reached his hand in and fondled Kevin, rubbing slowly. Kevin groaned, pressing up against Scotty as he rolled the two of them over. They kissed deeper; their breathing grew fast and rough.
Finally, Scotty spoke. “I want you inside me,” he whispered hoarsely in Kevin’s ear. It had been too long, and Kevin was too aroused; unable to respond, he simply nodded and reached hurriedly for Scotty’s boxers.
Kevin quickly prepared Scotty, entering him smoothly. They held each other tightly, Scotty digging his fingernails into Kevin’s back. Kevin’s movements were driven by the pressing awareness of the passing time, by the fact that this was the first instance in far too long he felt Scotty move against and underneath him, and by the unsettling impression that Scotty’s behavior seemed filled with quiet desperation and, perhaps, regret.
They came, and Kevin forgot everything for a moment or two. And then, because he couldn’t find words or courage to ask Scotty if anything was wrong, he climbed out of bed again and quickly got dressed. He paused briefly, bending down and kissing the corner of Scotty’s lips.
“I love you,” he said softly. “See you tonight.”
Scotty didn’t answer. He merely rolled to his side, away from the door Kevin slipped out of. He hugged Kevin’s pillow tightly, taking a deep breath. Then he squeezed his eyes shut, fighting tears of grief and loss and confused pain. For a long beat, he wavered in indecision. Then he climbed out of bed, got dressed himself, and began to pack his things.
***
Scotty was getting Amy dressed while Kevin filled out and signed several forms for the hospital. The other Walkers, after several reassurances from Kevin, had left earlier, and Kevin and Scotty were now preparing to finally, thankfully leave the hospital. Amy was so resilient, one would hardly guess that only hours before she had been near death. Kevin didn’t want to think about it, really.
“Your mother is a force of nature,” Scotty said suddenly.
“What did she do now?” Kevin asked apprehensively.
Scotty chuckled. “Nothing. I’ve just never seen quite so impressive a display as our conversation in the cafeteria. The undercurrents of combined guilt-trip and mothering…”
Kevin smiled. “Years of experience.”
Scotty nodded. “Yeah.” He paused, then added, “I’ve missed it.”
Kevin finished the final form and looked up at Scotty. They stared at each other and then Kevin looked down, nervous and unsure. He cleared his throat hesitantly. “Can I ask you a favor?”
“What?” Scotty asked, picking up Amy and grabbing her diaper bag.
“Don’t go back to Jordan’s tonight. Stay at our loft. After everything that happened today, I need - I want…I’d like both of you near me.”
Scotty blinked, then slowly nodded. “Yeah,” he said gruffly. “Yeah, me too.”
Kevin reached out and took the diaper bag. He offered a small smile to Scotty, who returned one as well. Then Kevin turned to open the door, leading Scotty into the hall.
***
Kevin walked quietly around the loft, turning off all but one lamp. He checked the deadbolt on the door and made sure his phone ringer was off. He thought about setting an alarm but then decided he’d be taking the day off tomorrow, regardless of whether Robert approved.
He stepped softly inside the bedroom, leaning over the crib to check on Amy. She was sleeping peacefully, the occasional tiny moan coming from her mouth. Kevin turned to the bed, where Scotty was also sound asleep. He was curled on his side, facing the middle of the bed, his long-unused pillow bunched under his head and arm. Kevin smiled.
He considered leaving the room again, sleeping on the couch in case Scotty would feel uncomfortable in the morning. Then he decided to deal with that in the morning, if it came to it. He sat carefully on the bed so he didn’t wake Scotty, leaned over and softly kissed his forehead.
“I love you,” he whispered.
Scotty didn’t answer, of course. He merely smiled faintly and shifted slightly in his sleep, barely rolling towards the center of the bed. He slid one hand forward, burying it under Kevin’s pillow. Kevin sighed and he laid down, finally closing his eyes and letting the stresses of the day seep out of his body.
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