Leaps of Faith (1/9)
Title: Leaps of Faith (1/5+)
Author: WibbleyWobbley
Characters: Kevin and Scotty, other Walkers
Rating: Up to R, probably
Summary: “I just want to make sure we leap together.” “We will. I promise.”
Spoilers: References the season 4 storyline
Word Count: WIP
Disclaimer: Not mine. Thank goodness.
A/N: Warning - angst!
Chapter 1
Kevin knocked once on Robert’s open office door, then stepped inside.
“Did you have a chance to review that press release?” he asked, not looking up from his PDA.
“Yeah, it’s fine,” Robert responded. “Except we’re spelling environment with three Ns these days. And no U.”
Kevin finally glanced up. “What?” he asked, taking the paper from Robert. He skimmed the paragraph quickly, then rolled his eyes in annoyed self-deprecation. “I’ll fix it.”
“Have you been sleeping?” Robert asked softly.
Kevin lifted a hand to his face, rubbing his eyes then pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m fine.”
“OK. Just this weekend, make sure you relax a bit.”
“I have Amy this weekend. You know that.”
There was a long pause, and then Robert quietly offered, “Why don’t Kitty and I baby-sit while you and Scotty - ”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“OK,” Robert said, holding up a hand in capitulation.
Kevin exited Robert’s office quickly. He edited the press release, and then spent the last hour of the work day staring at his computer in a haze. Finally, it was late enough where he could justify leaving. He sat in his car in the parking garage for a long moment, trying to psych himself up for the best and worst part of his week.
Jordan’s (and Scotty’s now, he reminded himself. Jordan’s and Scotty’s) apartment was only several blocks from the Senate offices. That was probably a good thing, as Kevin didn’t actually remember driving there. But suddenly he was parked outside. Kevin took a deep breath and climbed out of the car slowly. He didn’t know how many more times he could do this.
Scotty opened the door on the first knock, turning away from him almost immediately as he hurried back to the bag he was preparing.
“Thank God you’re here. I have to get to the restaurant. Apparently, there’s been some sort of fryer oil mishap.”
Kevin watched him, slightly amused by the familiar sight of Scotty rushing around as he got ready for work. He just wished, he thought with a sad smile, that it was for a better reason - like the times Kevin wouldn’t let him out of bed.
“You could have called,” he finally replied. “I would have left early.”
Scotty snorted in disbelief, and Kevin clenched his jaw. All Scotty said, however, was, “I only heard a few minutes ago. I knew you were already on your way.”
Kevin didn’t say anything. He merely walked over to the table where Amy waited, already dressed and in her car seat, sound asleep. He reached out with a finger, rubbing her stomach softly, and he smiled.
“All her stuff is in the diaper bag,” Scotty said from the corner of the room. “Oh! Except the teething ring.”
Scotty disappeared into the kitchen, returning a few seconds later with a green, frozen ring. “Trust me. You want this thing. The bottom one has finally come in, by the way. It’s very cute.”
He handed it to Kevin, looking at him fully for the first time since he arrived. They stared at each other for a moment, and then Scotty finally observed, “You look awful.”
Kevin flinched. “Thanks.”
Scotty shook his head, stepping away again. Kevin always took some comfort in the nerves his husband (when should he officially start using “ex,” he wondered) showed in these meetings - the inability to look at him for any length of time, to stand still, or to stop talking.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Scotty said. “You just look stressed out. Have you been sleeping?”
Kevin sighed. “Not really,” he admitted. He paused before adding, “I haven’t been eating well either. Maybe I’m getting sick.”
“Well...take care of yourself. If you don’t think you can take her this - ”
“No! No, don’t worry about that.”
Kevin watched Scotty quietly for another moment. He had his back to Kevin again, but Kevin wasn’t complaining. He adored Scotty’s back. Heart pounding, he ventured, “Although maybe tomorrow you can come over and the three of us - ”
Scotty stopped moving, his shoulders tensing then dropping as he lifted his head. He sighed. “Kevin, please,” he said quietly.
“OK, sorry.”
They were both silent briefly, and then Scotty asked with forced nonchalance, “How’s your mother?”
Kevin nodded, accepting the change of subject. “Fine. Busy and intrusive as ever. I’ll probably take Amy over there on Sunday.”
“That’s a good idea,” Scotty said, zipping his bag closed at last. Kevin had started to notice it took him longer and longer to get ready to leave every week. He didn’t know if that was a sign or a coincidence. Or his own imagination.
“OK,” Scotty said, exhaling. “I have to go.”
“Yeah.”
Scotty walked closer. He leaned down and very softly pressed his lips to Amy’s forehead, trying not to wake her. “See you in a couple days, honey.”
He stood, and both men were surprised and, sadly, uncomfortable as they realized how close they were standing. Kevin could smell Scotty’s shampoo, and the associated memories nearly knocked him flat. Kevin took a deep breath, trying to remind himself how angry and hurt he was with Scotty for just giving up on them. But the only thing he could really think about was how much he missed him, how much he missed Amy and the three of them as a family. And how much he wanted Scotty to kiss him goodbye too.
Scotty’s eyes darted nervously as he took a breath. He swayed a fraction closer to Kevin before catching himself. He stepped back, clearing his throat. “OK. See you Sunday,” he said gruffly.
***
Scotty moaned as the wail woke him. He took his pillow and put it over his head, whimpering. When would she start sleeping through the night, he wondered hysterically.
“I got her last time,” Kevin mumbled.
“It doesn’t count if you hadn’t gone to bed yet. And besides, I worked ‘til midnight,” Scotty responded, barely audible from underneath his pillow.
“I have to get up at 5.”
“This was your idea.”
“She has your DNA.”
Another pitiful cry interrupted their back-and-forth, and Scotty threw the covers aside with a sigh. “Fine,” he said, sounding angrier than he really meant to.
“Love you,” Kevin called after him.
He wasn’t sure if it was the lack of sleep preventing his brain from firing the right synapses, or the annoyance that Kevin had once again finagled his way out of a middle-of-the-night feeding, but that was the first time he could remember when he failed to throw back a “you too.”
***
“Good morning Grandma!” Kevin called out, as he entered through the kitchen door. As expected, Nora was sitting at the counter, reading the paper as she drank a cup of coffee. She looked up, smiling and clapping her hands in delight at the sight of her granddaughter.
“Oh Amy!”
She stood, walking over to Kevin and taking the girl from his arms. Amy shrieked happily as she twisted in Nora’s arms. Nora kissed her several times on the cheeks before leaning over and kissing Kevin as well.
“How are you?”
Kevin shrugged. “Fine.”
Nora glanced at him skeptically and then turned back to Amy. Bouncing her slightly in her arms, she walked back towards the counter. “And how are you?” she asked. Amy simply laughed.
“Have you eaten breakfast?” Nora asked, still focusing on her granddaughter.
“Of course she has. I’m not starving my kid,” Kevin said, annoyed, from the corner of the kitchen where he was pouring a mug of coffee.
“You, you idiot,” Nora clarified even as she blew out her cheeks in a funny face.
“Oh,” Kevin replied sheepishly. “Aaah, no. I wasn’t very hungry.”
“From the looks of things, you haven’t been hungry in, oh, say five weeks. You’ve lost weight.”
Kevin sighed. “Can we please just have a nice visit?”
“When are you going to tell me what happened?”
“When I figure it out myself, OK?”
***
“Come on, honey. You can do it,” Kevin said encouragingly. “Come here to Dada.”
Amy was sprawled on her stomach, propping herself up on her arms. She was so incredibly close to actually crawling, and Kevin hoped she would manage it still that afternoon. Part of him wondered if the driving reason for that was petty, if it was because he wanted something he could point at and say “she did that first here, with me.” Or perhaps he naively hoped that Scotty would take it as some sort of evidence of how good a father he was, how much he deserved to have both of them around him all the time.
Regardless of the reason, Amy wasn’t cooperating. She slowly tilted to the side, eventually rolling over and off the blanket instead of crawling. Kevin smiled, reaching out and picking her up. He held her tight, smelling her little baby smell (freshly changed, thank goodness), and he blinked back tears.
At that moment, there was a knock, and Kevin felt his heart stop. He put Amy back down, swallowing as he stood. Then he walked slowly to the front door. He looked out the peephole and watched for a moment as Scotty bounced on the balls of his feet, staring at the ground and tapping his fingers quickly against the side of his leg. Kevin took a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly for strength as he exhaled. Then he opened the door.
“Hi,” he said, stepping aside to let Scotty in. “I told you, you don’t have to knock.”
Scotty shrugged. “It doesn’t...feel right,” he explained.
This will always be your home.
Judging by the lack of a response from Scotty, Kevin assumed he didn’t say that part out loud. Scotty simply walked further into the loft, smiling as he watched Amy pull the edge of her blanket into her mouth. Kevin looked at his watch.
“Sorry I don’t have her ready. I thought you were working until 5 today.”
Scotty shook his head, turning to face Kevin again. “No. No, I was supposed to, but I took off early. I - I’m not trying to rush you or anything. I can come back la - ”
“No!” Kevin took a step back, clearing his throat as he looked away. “No, it’s not that. I just...” He trailed off, absolutely no idea how to finish his sentence. Scotty gave him a small smile in reply.
But in the end, it didn’t help anyway. They only exchanged a few more words before Scotty, who had been strolling around the room in that nervous way he had, commented that he should pick up some of the books and CDs he still had there. It was a quick observation, but it was enough to draw a dark cloud over Kevin’s just-barely-hopeful mood. He got Amy dressed soon after that, and his heart broke all over again when he kissed her goodbye while she bawled and reached out for him as he handed her over to Scotty.
***
Kevin knocked briskly on the door the desk nurse directed him to, and opened it after the muffled acknowledgment. He hurried inside, closing the door behind him and then quickly spinning to face the room’s other occupants.
“Hello, Kevin,” the pediatrician greeted him, and Kevin nodded in reply.
Scotty didn’t say anything. He merely glanced at him, the reproach on his face informing Kevin he was in trouble. Then Scotty turned back to Amy, who appeared to be gearing up for another round of screaming.
“Sorry I’m late. How’s everything?”
“Absolutely fine. As I was just telling Scotty, she’s perfectly healthy and her size is well within the 95th percentile for her age. All three of you seem to be doing great. Well, two of you at the moment, now that someone has had her vaccinations.”
Kevin nodded again.
The check-up wrapped up shortly after that, with Scotty remaining silent through the rest of the conversation. In fact, he didn’t speak at all until they were in the elevator.
“So - ” Kevin started.
“Not now,” was the terse reply.
Kevin sighed. “I’m sorry. I got here as fast as I could. Poll results came in and we had to - ”
“I don’t really care. It’s always something, isn’t it?” Scotty interrupted him.
“Scotty, come on. Don’t - ”
“Just...” he shook his head. “Just forget about it.
Next Chapter
Main Page
Author: WibbleyWobbley
Characters: Kevin and Scotty, other Walkers
Rating: Up to R, probably
Summary: “I just want to make sure we leap together.” “We will. I promise.”
Spoilers: References the season 4 storyline
Word Count: WIP
Disclaimer: Not mine. Thank goodness.
A/N: Warning - angst!
Chapter 1
Kevin knocked once on Robert’s open office door, then stepped inside.
“Did you have a chance to review that press release?” he asked, not looking up from his PDA.
“Yeah, it’s fine,” Robert responded. “Except we’re spelling environment with three Ns these days. And no U.”
Kevin finally glanced up. “What?” he asked, taking the paper from Robert. He skimmed the paragraph quickly, then rolled his eyes in annoyed self-deprecation. “I’ll fix it.”
“Have you been sleeping?” Robert asked softly.
Kevin lifted a hand to his face, rubbing his eyes then pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m fine.”
“OK. Just this weekend, make sure you relax a bit.”
“I have Amy this weekend. You know that.”
There was a long pause, and then Robert quietly offered, “Why don’t Kitty and I baby-sit while you and Scotty - ”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“OK,” Robert said, holding up a hand in capitulation.
Kevin exited Robert’s office quickly. He edited the press release, and then spent the last hour of the work day staring at his computer in a haze. Finally, it was late enough where he could justify leaving. He sat in his car in the parking garage for a long moment, trying to psych himself up for the best and worst part of his week.
Jordan’s (and Scotty’s now, he reminded himself. Jordan’s and Scotty’s) apartment was only several blocks from the Senate offices. That was probably a good thing, as Kevin didn’t actually remember driving there. But suddenly he was parked outside. Kevin took a deep breath and climbed out of the car slowly. He didn’t know how many more times he could do this.
Scotty opened the door on the first knock, turning away from him almost immediately as he hurried back to the bag he was preparing.
“Thank God you’re here. I have to get to the restaurant. Apparently, there’s been some sort of fryer oil mishap.”
Kevin watched him, slightly amused by the familiar sight of Scotty rushing around as he got ready for work. He just wished, he thought with a sad smile, that it was for a better reason - like the times Kevin wouldn’t let him out of bed.
“You could have called,” he finally replied. “I would have left early.”
Scotty snorted in disbelief, and Kevin clenched his jaw. All Scotty said, however, was, “I only heard a few minutes ago. I knew you were already on your way.”
Kevin didn’t say anything. He merely walked over to the table where Amy waited, already dressed and in her car seat, sound asleep. He reached out with a finger, rubbing her stomach softly, and he smiled.
“All her stuff is in the diaper bag,” Scotty said from the corner of the room. “Oh! Except the teething ring.”
Scotty disappeared into the kitchen, returning a few seconds later with a green, frozen ring. “Trust me. You want this thing. The bottom one has finally come in, by the way. It’s very cute.”
He handed it to Kevin, looking at him fully for the first time since he arrived. They stared at each other for a moment, and then Scotty finally observed, “You look awful.”
Kevin flinched. “Thanks.”
Scotty shook his head, stepping away again. Kevin always took some comfort in the nerves his husband (when should he officially start using “ex,” he wondered) showed in these meetings - the inability to look at him for any length of time, to stand still, or to stop talking.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Scotty said. “You just look stressed out. Have you been sleeping?”
Kevin sighed. “Not really,” he admitted. He paused before adding, “I haven’t been eating well either. Maybe I’m getting sick.”
“Well...take care of yourself. If you don’t think you can take her this - ”
“No! No, don’t worry about that.”
Kevin watched Scotty quietly for another moment. He had his back to Kevin again, but Kevin wasn’t complaining. He adored Scotty’s back. Heart pounding, he ventured, “Although maybe tomorrow you can come over and the three of us - ”
Scotty stopped moving, his shoulders tensing then dropping as he lifted his head. He sighed. “Kevin, please,” he said quietly.
“OK, sorry.”
They were both silent briefly, and then Scotty asked with forced nonchalance, “How’s your mother?”
Kevin nodded, accepting the change of subject. “Fine. Busy and intrusive as ever. I’ll probably take Amy over there on Sunday.”
“That’s a good idea,” Scotty said, zipping his bag closed at last. Kevin had started to notice it took him longer and longer to get ready to leave every week. He didn’t know if that was a sign or a coincidence. Or his own imagination.
“OK,” Scotty said, exhaling. “I have to go.”
“Yeah.”
Scotty walked closer. He leaned down and very softly pressed his lips to Amy’s forehead, trying not to wake her. “See you in a couple days, honey.”
He stood, and both men were surprised and, sadly, uncomfortable as they realized how close they were standing. Kevin could smell Scotty’s shampoo, and the associated memories nearly knocked him flat. Kevin took a deep breath, trying to remind himself how angry and hurt he was with Scotty for just giving up on them. But the only thing he could really think about was how much he missed him, how much he missed Amy and the three of them as a family. And how much he wanted Scotty to kiss him goodbye too.
Scotty’s eyes darted nervously as he took a breath. He swayed a fraction closer to Kevin before catching himself. He stepped back, clearing his throat. “OK. See you Sunday,” he said gruffly.
***
Scotty moaned as the wail woke him. He took his pillow and put it over his head, whimpering. When would she start sleeping through the night, he wondered hysterically.
“I got her last time,” Kevin mumbled.
“It doesn’t count if you hadn’t gone to bed yet. And besides, I worked ‘til midnight,” Scotty responded, barely audible from underneath his pillow.
“I have to get up at 5.”
“This was your idea.”
“She has your DNA.”
Another pitiful cry interrupted their back-and-forth, and Scotty threw the covers aside with a sigh. “Fine,” he said, sounding angrier than he really meant to.
“Love you,” Kevin called after him.
He wasn’t sure if it was the lack of sleep preventing his brain from firing the right synapses, or the annoyance that Kevin had once again finagled his way out of a middle-of-the-night feeding, but that was the first time he could remember when he failed to throw back a “you too.”
***
“Good morning Grandma!” Kevin called out, as he entered through the kitchen door. As expected, Nora was sitting at the counter, reading the paper as she drank a cup of coffee. She looked up, smiling and clapping her hands in delight at the sight of her granddaughter.
“Oh Amy!”
She stood, walking over to Kevin and taking the girl from his arms. Amy shrieked happily as she twisted in Nora’s arms. Nora kissed her several times on the cheeks before leaning over and kissing Kevin as well.
“How are you?”
Kevin shrugged. “Fine.”
Nora glanced at him skeptically and then turned back to Amy. Bouncing her slightly in her arms, she walked back towards the counter. “And how are you?” she asked. Amy simply laughed.
“Have you eaten breakfast?” Nora asked, still focusing on her granddaughter.
“Of course she has. I’m not starving my kid,” Kevin said, annoyed, from the corner of the kitchen where he was pouring a mug of coffee.
“You, you idiot,” Nora clarified even as she blew out her cheeks in a funny face.
“Oh,” Kevin replied sheepishly. “Aaah, no. I wasn’t very hungry.”
“From the looks of things, you haven’t been hungry in, oh, say five weeks. You’ve lost weight.”
Kevin sighed. “Can we please just have a nice visit?”
“When are you going to tell me what happened?”
“When I figure it out myself, OK?”
***
“Come on, honey. You can do it,” Kevin said encouragingly. “Come here to Dada.”
Amy was sprawled on her stomach, propping herself up on her arms. She was so incredibly close to actually crawling, and Kevin hoped she would manage it still that afternoon. Part of him wondered if the driving reason for that was petty, if it was because he wanted something he could point at and say “she did that first here, with me.” Or perhaps he naively hoped that Scotty would take it as some sort of evidence of how good a father he was, how much he deserved to have both of them around him all the time.
Regardless of the reason, Amy wasn’t cooperating. She slowly tilted to the side, eventually rolling over and off the blanket instead of crawling. Kevin smiled, reaching out and picking her up. He held her tight, smelling her little baby smell (freshly changed, thank goodness), and he blinked back tears.
At that moment, there was a knock, and Kevin felt his heart stop. He put Amy back down, swallowing as he stood. Then he walked slowly to the front door. He looked out the peephole and watched for a moment as Scotty bounced on the balls of his feet, staring at the ground and tapping his fingers quickly against the side of his leg. Kevin took a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly for strength as he exhaled. Then he opened the door.
“Hi,” he said, stepping aside to let Scotty in. “I told you, you don’t have to knock.”
Scotty shrugged. “It doesn’t...feel right,” he explained.
This will always be your home.
Judging by the lack of a response from Scotty, Kevin assumed he didn’t say that part out loud. Scotty simply walked further into the loft, smiling as he watched Amy pull the edge of her blanket into her mouth. Kevin looked at his watch.
“Sorry I don’t have her ready. I thought you were working until 5 today.”
Scotty shook his head, turning to face Kevin again. “No. No, I was supposed to, but I took off early. I - I’m not trying to rush you or anything. I can come back la - ”
“No!” Kevin took a step back, clearing his throat as he looked away. “No, it’s not that. I just...” He trailed off, absolutely no idea how to finish his sentence. Scotty gave him a small smile in reply.
But in the end, it didn’t help anyway. They only exchanged a few more words before Scotty, who had been strolling around the room in that nervous way he had, commented that he should pick up some of the books and CDs he still had there. It was a quick observation, but it was enough to draw a dark cloud over Kevin’s just-barely-hopeful mood. He got Amy dressed soon after that, and his heart broke all over again when he kissed her goodbye while she bawled and reached out for him as he handed her over to Scotty.
***
Kevin knocked briskly on the door the desk nurse directed him to, and opened it after the muffled acknowledgment. He hurried inside, closing the door behind him and then quickly spinning to face the room’s other occupants.
“Hello, Kevin,” the pediatrician greeted him, and Kevin nodded in reply.
Scotty didn’t say anything. He merely glanced at him, the reproach on his face informing Kevin he was in trouble. Then Scotty turned back to Amy, who appeared to be gearing up for another round of screaming.
“Sorry I’m late. How’s everything?”
“Absolutely fine. As I was just telling Scotty, she’s perfectly healthy and her size is well within the 95th percentile for her age. All three of you seem to be doing great. Well, two of you at the moment, now that someone has had her vaccinations.”
Kevin nodded again.
The check-up wrapped up shortly after that, with Scotty remaining silent through the rest of the conversation. In fact, he didn’t speak at all until they were in the elevator.
“So - ” Kevin started.
“Not now,” was the terse reply.
Kevin sighed. “I’m sorry. I got here as fast as I could. Poll results came in and we had to - ”
“I don’t really care. It’s always something, isn’t it?” Scotty interrupted him.
“Scotty, come on. Don’t - ”
“Just...” he shook his head. “Just forget about it.
Next Chapter
Main Page