Anonymous (3/12)
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"You need another? Last call."
"Oh, no. I'm fine, thanks."
"You sure?"
"Yep."
"You work for the Senator, right?"
Kevin quickly furrowed his brow. "Yeah. How’d you - "
"I’ve seen you at the other events this last month or so."
"Oh."
"I’m Vicky."
"Hi Vicky, nice to meet you. I’m Kevin Walker."
"Oh, you’re Kevin."
"Uh..." Kevin looked confused. "Yeah."
"I’ve heard about you."
"Excuse me?"
Vicky laughed. "Oh, don’t worry. I don’t believe half of it. Scotty can be - "
Kevin nodded in sudden understanding. "Scotty."
Vicky smiled. "He doesn’t like you very much."
"Feeling’s mutual," Kevin muttered as he lifted his glass to finish his drink.
"Oh, Scotty’s not that bad," Vicky said slyly. "I always tell him, that if he wasn’t gay, I’d be all over his action."
Kevin choked slightly, coughing once. "He’s gay?"
Vicky finished drying the glass in her hand, then wiped the towel across the counter. "Best ones always are," she said as she walked away.
Kevin turned slowly on the bar stool. He swallowed as he looked across the dining room. Robert and Pietro were talking and laughing as Pietro introduced Scotty to the Senator. Scotty nodded, smiling graciously as they shook hands. Kevin took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. This didn’t change anything, he thought.
But it explained a lot.
***
"Knock, knock."
Scotty turned around, startled.
"Kevin. What are you doing back here?"
Kevin held up an envelope. He cleared his throat. "Check from the campaign."
"Oh. Right."
Kevin walked over, handing the check to Scotty. They were silent for a few seconds, as Kevin watched Scotty pack up catering equipment.
"So," Scotty said, slightly too loudly. "The Senator has no problems drilling for oil in Alaska, huh? Not that a California governor really needs to have any opinion on it at all, but I guess he’s thinking ahead."
Kevin tilted his head back, groaning. "What is it with you, that you can’t have a simple - "
"Hey, the Senator is my elected representative - well, maybe not really, because I didn’t vote for him - but I should be able to - "
"So bother him with it! I saw you talking to him. I’m just a lowly government employee."
Scotty flashed him a smile, and Kevin refused to acknowledge the sensation that rushed through his body. "You’re more fun."
Kevin paused, then sighed. "It’s one rather small area of the reserve. It would provide a needed resource, as well as create jobs. Besides, we should be trying to reduce our dependency on foreign oil."
Scotty turned away from him, zipping up a bag. "It’s also a very small, insufficient amount of oil, and we have other domestic sources. Besides, we’re never going to be independent of foreign countries, anyway! The U.S. economy is increasingly information-based, while more and more basic production and services are outsourced."
Kevin shrugged. "Free market economy. And there will always be a wide range of necessary and desired jobs available to Americans. Like in food service."
Scotty glared at him. "You keep minimizing my career. I’m not the grill cook at McDonald’s, you know. I went to school for this; I trained at a very competitive internship; I probably make more money than you do."
Kevin scoffed. "So does the grill cook at McDonald’s."
They looked at each other, before Scotty finally turned away, continuing to clean up. "Besides, if the goal is to reduce dependence on foreign oil, the Senator should be pushing for alternative fuels, not destroying a priceless and beautiful, not to mention protected, area. But I suppose auto industry lobbyists and campaign donors have something to say about that."
"What kind of car do you drive?"
Scotty looked at him. "Ranchero."
"Get good mileage on that, do you?"
Scotty laughed scornfully. "Well, if hybrids were readily available to the typical consumer."
"Free mar - "
" - ket," Scotty said, nodding. "Do you even believe what you’re saying?"
Kevin opened then closed his mouth.
"Kevin?"
Both men turned to the kitchen door and stared at Robert.
"Are you ready to go?"
Kevin looked quickly at his watch. He hadn’t realized it was so late. "Yeah, sorry."
He turned back to Scotty. "Well. Until next time."
Scotty smiled - somewhat insincerely, somewhat in disappointment. "Can’t wait."
Kevin stood, walking to Robert. The Senator left the kitchen, and Kevin followed. As soon as they were out of earshot, Kevin began speaking cautiously.
"I thought you were going to reconsider your position on the Arctic National - "
"I did. I decided you were wrong."
Kevin sighed, biting his tongue.
***
Kevin cracked his neck, stretching out his arms before leaning forward and signing into the dating site. He sighed in disappointment when he saw there were no new messages from S.W. Over the last few weeks, they had exchanged a flurry of letters, covering family, hobbies, books, movies, life in California, and all sorts of topics. Although they never shared any truly personal information, Kevin felt very strongly attached to the other man and increasingly tempted to meet him. S.W. was adamant, however, that he needed to get a couple dates out of the way, if they were ever going to take that step. So Kevin had chosen another contact fairly randomly and exchanged a few messages. That night, the only new item in his inbox was from the other man, inviting him for coffee.
Kevin sighed. It was S.W.’s preferred strategy, he reminded himself, even if it was more of an inside joke at this point. Besides, it might be good to get some practice first. It had been...a while, after all. Kevin chewed his lip, then half-heartedly replied to the new contact, agreeing to meet in person.
Just as he hit send, there was an alert that someone had signed in. Kevin glanced at the information bar and sat up straight when he read S.W.’s name. He smiled, then opened an instant message window.
Kevin-33: Hi.
Several seconds passed without a reply. Then, there he was.
S.W.: Kevin! Fancy seeing you here. And at this hour, no less.
Kevin-33: Tell me about it. I just got home from a work function.
S.W.: Small world. Me too.
Kevin laughed, shaking his head.
Kevin-33: Look at all the things we have in common.
S.W.: Subtle. So what did you have to do tonight?
Kevin-33: Isn’t that getting dangerously personal?
S.W.: I suppose.
Kevin-33: Besides, I don’t know if I’ll be working there much longer.
S.W.: Uh-oh.
Kevin-33: Oh no. Nothing like that. I’m just not feeling it anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.
S.W.: That’s too bad.
Kevin-33: Do you like what you do?
S.W.: Absolutely love it.
Kevin-33: That makes me feel so much better.
S.W.: :) Well, I always wanted to be a sugar daddy. You know, if you decide to quit. You can lie around on the couch all day eating bonbons.
Kevin-33: Ha. I’m not a big fan of the bonbon.
S.W.: Unless you’re eating them off someone’s naked body?
Kevin raised his eyebrows at the innuendo. He tried to think of a suitable reply, but before he could, S.W. continued.
S.W.: Sorry. I’m feeling a little...
Kevin-33: Horny?
S.W.: That. And rebellious, I guess. Dangerous combination.
Kevin-33: I understand.
Kevin took a deep breath and rested his chin on his fist. After thinking for a moment, he started to type.
Kevin-33: So...what are you wearing?
S.W.: Ha ha ha. We’re not doing that.
Kevin-33: We’re not?
S.W.: Too early. In our pseudo-relationship, I mean.
Kevin-33: I made a date.
There was no reply.
Kevin-33: You know, to get some "online dating experience."
S.W.: Good for you.
Kevin-33: It was your suggestion. Your requirement, even.
S.W.: No, I know. I just...I don’t know.
Kevin-33: Yeah.
Kevin swallowed, resting his elbows on his knees and rubbing his eyes.
S.W.: I should go to bed. I’m tired, and I’m saying things I really don’t know if I should.
Kevin sighed.
Kevin-33: Yeah, me too.
Kevin-33: Are things getting weird?
S.W.: I don’t know. I feel like there’s this connection between us. It’s very unexpected and kind of fast, and I don’t really know what to do about it. Because, at the same time, I don’t know anything about you, and I wonder how much of this is to escape developing feelings for people I know in real life.
Kevin-33: I understand. I feel the same way.
S.W.: Because, if I really do feel a connection, why am I resisting actually meeting you?
Kevin-33: I think it’s a way of maintaining the fantasy, you know? Right now, you could be anyone. I could pass you on the street and not even know you. I get to talk to you, and flirt with you, and occasionally learn tantalizing information about the REAL you, but I never have to actually...I’m not saying this right.
S.W.: No, I think you are. It’s exciting and safe, all at the same time. And so much easier than an actual relationship.
Kevin-33: I’m just worried that you’re going to be disappointed if and when we ever do meet.
S.W.: Tell me about it.
Kevin stared at his screen for several beats, trying to decide what to do next. Finally, he leaned forward and began typing again.
Kevin-33: We should sign off. Go to bed.
S.W.: Yeah.
S.W.: I might think of you for a while, though.
S.W.: God, sorry. I need to stop this.
Kevin laughed humorlessly, shifting in his seat as he fought the arousal that had been growing in him (since the debate in the kitchen) since the IM conversation began. He quickly wiped a hand down his face.
Kevin-33: It’s OK...I might think of you for a while too. Although that will be kind of difficult, since I don’t know what you look like.
S.W.: No pictures, remember.
Kevin-33: Right. Too personal. We’re staying anonymous.
S.W.: It adds to the fantasy, though, doesn’t it?
Kevin-33: It also adds to the fear of not living up to expectations.
S.W.: :) Go to bed. Sweet dreams.
Kevin-33: Good night.
Kevin signed off, exhaling a long breath as he shut down the computer. He stood, walking slowly to his bedroom. He undressed, climbed into bed, and laid down stiffly. He licked his lips, then slowly slid his hands down his body, underneath the cool sheets.
"He could be anyone," Kevin whispered to himself, attempting to conjure up images of hot actors and muscle-bound men he’d seen on the beaches. But, try as he might, only one face stayed in his mind as he stroked himself, that infuriating teasing expression driving him faster and faster in the race to completion.
***
The next morning, Kevin worked doggedly. Despite pressing temptation, he resisted the urge to sign into the dating program, to contact S.W. or to cancel the date he had made with the other man. He ignored the memories of the night before, and the relatively brief moment he had admitted to himself how attracted he was to Scotty. How much arguing with him turned him on. He didn’t know who or what he wanted anymore. And so he felt guilty, because he wasn’t sure if carrying on with any of them would actually be using them as a substitute for whichever of the men he really desired.
And so, Kevin wasn’t thinking about it. He was working. That was it. He nodded firmly to himself just as the doorbell rang.
Kevin stood, walking to the door. He pulled it open, slightly surprised to see Sarah smiling apprehensively at him.
"Hey. What’s going on?"
"Can I come in?"
Kevin stepped aside, staring at her as she walked in. Sarah was behaving entirely too nervously. He closed the door and turned to her.
"Is something - ?"
"I expanded my search," she said quickly. Turning to face him, Sarah swallowed before continuing, "I found your profile."
Kevin stared at her, mouth dropping open slightly. He turned away from her again, taking a deep breath and blinking back sudden tears as he ran a hand through his hair.
"Crap."
Next Chapter
Main Page
"You need another? Last call."
"Oh, no. I'm fine, thanks."
"You sure?"
"Yep."
"You work for the Senator, right?"
Kevin quickly furrowed his brow. "Yeah. How’d you - "
"I’ve seen you at the other events this last month or so."
"Oh."
"I’m Vicky."
"Hi Vicky, nice to meet you. I’m Kevin Walker."
"Oh, you’re Kevin."
"Uh..." Kevin looked confused. "Yeah."
"I’ve heard about you."
"Excuse me?"
Vicky laughed. "Oh, don’t worry. I don’t believe half of it. Scotty can be - "
Kevin nodded in sudden understanding. "Scotty."
Vicky smiled. "He doesn’t like you very much."
"Feeling’s mutual," Kevin muttered as he lifted his glass to finish his drink.
"Oh, Scotty’s not that bad," Vicky said slyly. "I always tell him, that if he wasn’t gay, I’d be all over his action."
Kevin choked slightly, coughing once. "He’s gay?"
Vicky finished drying the glass in her hand, then wiped the towel across the counter. "Best ones always are," she said as she walked away.
Kevin turned slowly on the bar stool. He swallowed as he looked across the dining room. Robert and Pietro were talking and laughing as Pietro introduced Scotty to the Senator. Scotty nodded, smiling graciously as they shook hands. Kevin took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. This didn’t change anything, he thought.
But it explained a lot.
***
"Knock, knock."
Scotty turned around, startled.
"Kevin. What are you doing back here?"
Kevin held up an envelope. He cleared his throat. "Check from the campaign."
"Oh. Right."
Kevin walked over, handing the check to Scotty. They were silent for a few seconds, as Kevin watched Scotty pack up catering equipment.
"So," Scotty said, slightly too loudly. "The Senator has no problems drilling for oil in Alaska, huh? Not that a California governor really needs to have any opinion on it at all, but I guess he’s thinking ahead."
Kevin tilted his head back, groaning. "What is it with you, that you can’t have a simple - "
"Hey, the Senator is my elected representative - well, maybe not really, because I didn’t vote for him - but I should be able to - "
"So bother him with it! I saw you talking to him. I’m just a lowly government employee."
Scotty flashed him a smile, and Kevin refused to acknowledge the sensation that rushed through his body. "You’re more fun."
Kevin paused, then sighed. "It’s one rather small area of the reserve. It would provide a needed resource, as well as create jobs. Besides, we should be trying to reduce our dependency on foreign oil."
Scotty turned away from him, zipping up a bag. "It’s also a very small, insufficient amount of oil, and we have other domestic sources. Besides, we’re never going to be independent of foreign countries, anyway! The U.S. economy is increasingly information-based, while more and more basic production and services are outsourced."
Kevin shrugged. "Free market economy. And there will always be a wide range of necessary and desired jobs available to Americans. Like in food service."
Scotty glared at him. "You keep minimizing my career. I’m not the grill cook at McDonald’s, you know. I went to school for this; I trained at a very competitive internship; I probably make more money than you do."
Kevin scoffed. "So does the grill cook at McDonald’s."
They looked at each other, before Scotty finally turned away, continuing to clean up. "Besides, if the goal is to reduce dependence on foreign oil, the Senator should be pushing for alternative fuels, not destroying a priceless and beautiful, not to mention protected, area. But I suppose auto industry lobbyists and campaign donors have something to say about that."
"What kind of car do you drive?"
Scotty looked at him. "Ranchero."
"Get good mileage on that, do you?"
Scotty laughed scornfully. "Well, if hybrids were readily available to the typical consumer."
"Free mar - "
" - ket," Scotty said, nodding. "Do you even believe what you’re saying?"
Kevin opened then closed his mouth.
"Kevin?"
Both men turned to the kitchen door and stared at Robert.
"Are you ready to go?"
Kevin looked quickly at his watch. He hadn’t realized it was so late. "Yeah, sorry."
He turned back to Scotty. "Well. Until next time."
Scotty smiled - somewhat insincerely, somewhat in disappointment. "Can’t wait."
Kevin stood, walking to Robert. The Senator left the kitchen, and Kevin followed. As soon as they were out of earshot, Kevin began speaking cautiously.
"I thought you were going to reconsider your position on the Arctic National - "
"I did. I decided you were wrong."
Kevin sighed, biting his tongue.
***
Kevin cracked his neck, stretching out his arms before leaning forward and signing into the dating site. He sighed in disappointment when he saw there were no new messages from S.W. Over the last few weeks, they had exchanged a flurry of letters, covering family, hobbies, books, movies, life in California, and all sorts of topics. Although they never shared any truly personal information, Kevin felt very strongly attached to the other man and increasingly tempted to meet him. S.W. was adamant, however, that he needed to get a couple dates out of the way, if they were ever going to take that step. So Kevin had chosen another contact fairly randomly and exchanged a few messages. That night, the only new item in his inbox was from the other man, inviting him for coffee.
Kevin sighed. It was S.W.’s preferred strategy, he reminded himself, even if it was more of an inside joke at this point. Besides, it might be good to get some practice first. It had been...a while, after all. Kevin chewed his lip, then half-heartedly replied to the new contact, agreeing to meet in person.
Just as he hit send, there was an alert that someone had signed in. Kevin glanced at the information bar and sat up straight when he read S.W.’s name. He smiled, then opened an instant message window.
Kevin-33: Hi.
Several seconds passed without a reply. Then, there he was.
S.W.: Kevin! Fancy seeing you here. And at this hour, no less.
Kevin-33: Tell me about it. I just got home from a work function.
S.W.: Small world. Me too.
Kevin laughed, shaking his head.
Kevin-33: Look at all the things we have in common.
S.W.: Subtle. So what did you have to do tonight?
Kevin-33: Isn’t that getting dangerously personal?
S.W.: I suppose.
Kevin-33: Besides, I don’t know if I’ll be working there much longer.
S.W.: Uh-oh.
Kevin-33: Oh no. Nothing like that. I’m just not feeling it anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.
S.W.: That’s too bad.
Kevin-33: Do you like what you do?
S.W.: Absolutely love it.
Kevin-33: That makes me feel so much better.
S.W.: :) Well, I always wanted to be a sugar daddy. You know, if you decide to quit. You can lie around on the couch all day eating bonbons.
Kevin-33: Ha. I’m not a big fan of the bonbon.
S.W.: Unless you’re eating them off someone’s naked body?
Kevin raised his eyebrows at the innuendo. He tried to think of a suitable reply, but before he could, S.W. continued.
S.W.: Sorry. I’m feeling a little...
Kevin-33: Horny?
S.W.: That. And rebellious, I guess. Dangerous combination.
Kevin-33: I understand.
Kevin took a deep breath and rested his chin on his fist. After thinking for a moment, he started to type.
Kevin-33: So...what are you wearing?
S.W.: Ha ha ha. We’re not doing that.
Kevin-33: We’re not?
S.W.: Too early. In our pseudo-relationship, I mean.
Kevin-33: I made a date.
There was no reply.
Kevin-33: You know, to get some "online dating experience."
S.W.: Good for you.
Kevin-33: It was your suggestion. Your requirement, even.
S.W.: No, I know. I just...I don’t know.
Kevin-33: Yeah.
Kevin swallowed, resting his elbows on his knees and rubbing his eyes.
S.W.: I should go to bed. I’m tired, and I’m saying things I really don’t know if I should.
Kevin sighed.
Kevin-33: Yeah, me too.
Kevin-33: Are things getting weird?
S.W.: I don’t know. I feel like there’s this connection between us. It’s very unexpected and kind of fast, and I don’t really know what to do about it. Because, at the same time, I don’t know anything about you, and I wonder how much of this is to escape developing feelings for people I know in real life.
Kevin-33: I understand. I feel the same way.
S.W.: Because, if I really do feel a connection, why am I resisting actually meeting you?
Kevin-33: I think it’s a way of maintaining the fantasy, you know? Right now, you could be anyone. I could pass you on the street and not even know you. I get to talk to you, and flirt with you, and occasionally learn tantalizing information about the REAL you, but I never have to actually...I’m not saying this right.
S.W.: No, I think you are. It’s exciting and safe, all at the same time. And so much easier than an actual relationship.
Kevin-33: I’m just worried that you’re going to be disappointed if and when we ever do meet.
S.W.: Tell me about it.
Kevin stared at his screen for several beats, trying to decide what to do next. Finally, he leaned forward and began typing again.
Kevin-33: We should sign off. Go to bed.
S.W.: Yeah.
S.W.: I might think of you for a while, though.
S.W.: God, sorry. I need to stop this.
Kevin laughed humorlessly, shifting in his seat as he fought the arousal that had been growing in him (since the debate in the kitchen) since the IM conversation began. He quickly wiped a hand down his face.
Kevin-33: It’s OK...I might think of you for a while too. Although that will be kind of difficult, since I don’t know what you look like.
S.W.: No pictures, remember.
Kevin-33: Right. Too personal. We’re staying anonymous.
S.W.: It adds to the fantasy, though, doesn’t it?
Kevin-33: It also adds to the fear of not living up to expectations.
S.W.: :) Go to bed. Sweet dreams.
Kevin-33: Good night.
Kevin signed off, exhaling a long breath as he shut down the computer. He stood, walking slowly to his bedroom. He undressed, climbed into bed, and laid down stiffly. He licked his lips, then slowly slid his hands down his body, underneath the cool sheets.
"He could be anyone," Kevin whispered to himself, attempting to conjure up images of hot actors and muscle-bound men he’d seen on the beaches. But, try as he might, only one face stayed in his mind as he stroked himself, that infuriating teasing expression driving him faster and faster in the race to completion.
***
The next morning, Kevin worked doggedly. Despite pressing temptation, he resisted the urge to sign into the dating program, to contact S.W. or to cancel the date he had made with the other man. He ignored the memories of the night before, and the relatively brief moment he had admitted to himself how attracted he was to Scotty. How much arguing with him turned him on. He didn’t know who or what he wanted anymore. And so he felt guilty, because he wasn’t sure if carrying on with any of them would actually be using them as a substitute for whichever of the men he really desired.
And so, Kevin wasn’t thinking about it. He was working. That was it. He nodded firmly to himself just as the doorbell rang.
Kevin stood, walking to the door. He pulled it open, slightly surprised to see Sarah smiling apprehensively at him.
"Hey. What’s going on?"
"Can I come in?"
Kevin stepped aside, staring at her as she walked in. Sarah was behaving entirely too nervously. He closed the door and turned to her.
"Is something - ?"
"I expanded my search," she said quickly. Turning to face him, Sarah swallowed before continuing, "I found your profile."
Kevin stared at her, mouth dropping open slightly. He turned away from her again, taking a deep breath and blinking back sudden tears as he ran a hand through his hair.
"Crap."
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