(no subject)
Hey all,well I must update beacuse so many are looking foward to it I bet. Hmm where do I start.......... I really hate my life right now, it seems everything I try to do to make it better fails, goes unrecognized or just does not happen. I am sick of being who I am and wish to be someone else I really don't care who it can be someone dying of cancer as long as it is not me. I have found out I am naturaly depressed so not many things make me happy. Alot of things right now makes me feel like I should not be here I don't really know anymore, I think I brung this up in one of my last post can't really remeber might look it up. Well since I am posting and have not posted in such a long time and my friends on this lj don't like to respond, well this is not ment to anyone personaly or maybe it is that is the whole Josh mystery behind see how you never reall know when you thought you did. Well here it goes what would any of you any, beacuse I know this has happend to alot of ppl what would you do to let someone know how you feel how can I make it possible for someone to understand where I am coming from this is the kind of stuff that trips me out. Because no matter what you could ever do it is a choice left up to them no matter how many words you write or poems you show off the choice of wether that person will like you or not is that of there own. Then what's worse is that no matter how bad the consequences you never really learn to let go but as the days get colder and your life more bleak you start to realize am I chasing a dream am I go after something that will never happen. In my case yeah it is a dream, and I am definetly not ready to let go yet it's hard to find what ever I have found whether it be love or fatuation. I want to know has this ever happend to any of you before I know this may go unread but it is still a question I want to touch up on. Most likely I won't get any posts it's okay. I guess I am jus wondering when you can do nothing more to show someone that they mean more to you than the world than your own life but you in the relationship/friendship are the only one who feels this way. Do you hang on to the dream of ever becoming more. Or let it go because believe me the second one is hard as fuck, well that is my word of the day much love.