just_muse_me | 10.1.1. George Moore quote
10.1.1. “A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.” - George Moore
Co-written with morethanleah
[Follows THIS]
Leah was back in New York. After Christmas, she'd been assigned a fashion show in France. At the time she'd been tempted to turn it down to stay in Adelaide and hide a little longer, but she didn't. She decided it was time to get back on the horse--although which horse exactly she'd fallen off of, Leah couldn't say. It helped to be in a city that didn't remind her of David, but even then she still felt like she was being visited by her ghost. She still felt like he'd been sleeping next to her at night. Maybe she really was crazy. Maybe she'd been imagining his scent and his weight in the bed because she'd wanted to see him so badly.
At least she still had the Superman t-shirt, her one tangible link to him besides a few photographs and an apartment in New York. And apartment she had now returned to. It felt wrong. So, so wrong. He'd given her his apartment, and she thought he'd given her his heart. He just didn't want to see her. Ever. Maybe she couldn't have David and his heart. One or the other. Leah had been keeping to herself, and focusing on work. There had only been one night where she'd had to worry about whether or not she was actually involved with someone. A guy in the Thai restaurant she'd gone to get take-out from had tried to ask her out, and Leah had had to politely refuse him with explanations about a boyfriend. Which was true, wasn't it? He was just a boyfriend she didn't see, or talk to.
Her heart was still very much his, it was just waiting for him to come back and collect it. Some nights Leah wondered if she should just cut it out her chest and be done with it. Those were the nights she was sure she was being too melodramatic for her own good. And the nights she couldn't move from her place on the sofa as she stared blankly at the TV, not even registering what was on. Work was about the only place she seemed alive.
Leah poked at the lasagne on her plate and sighed. She'd just left David yet another message. The only contact she did have with him. She didn't know if he got her messages, but she still felt it was important to leave them. Her day summed up in two minutes and 'I love you' at the end. He had to know that she did love him. Even after all this time.
After David found himself in a rather neat cast on his wrist complete with a sling, Jazz had held firm and told him she would take him anywhere in the world he wanted to be. Out of anyone else's mouth, it would sound like an empty promise, but he knew she meant it. He was tired, it being one of those times that timezone hopping was taking it's toll. He was also given some strong painkillers and told to rest because breaking a bone was a shock on the system, even if it was just his wrist. It had come to the crunch then and David knew he had choices to make. The whole time the nurse worked on neatly setting his arm, he had sat staring blankly at the wall while he tried to process all of Jazz's advice in his mind. To be honest, the news she had a boyfriend had been sweet for him. She hadn't really elaborated except to tell him that the guy's name was Jason and he used to be a football player. She did promise to tell him more when he wasn't so distracted.
It was all that chain of events that had David now standing in the hall of Leah's apartment block. He flexed his fingers a little in the cast, not enjoying the feeling of it at all and the clinical hospital smell was still tingling in his nostrils. Thank god he was away from it now. He hated doctors. He drew a deep breath and let it out in a rush before using his uninjured hand to knock softly on her door.
It was strange, but Leah didn't actually register that the knock had even happened. The sound was so foreign to her ears, then slowly it sank in that there had been a noise and it was a knock on the door. Besides her family in Adelaide, Leah didn't really have any friends. She moved around too much, and anyone she collected on the way was usually kept in touch with through email. She set down her dinner on the coffee table and trudged over to the door, almost dragging her feet. She couldn't imagine anything good was going to be on the other side, not when she never had visitors.
She didn't even look through the peep hole before she just opened the door. Then she nearly slammed it again, she was so shocked. Her mouth fell open and she just stood there gaping at David. David who had just knocked on her door. David who was standing there breathing, his arm in a cast, but real. And alive. And here. She went to say something, but all that came out was a sob and with that, Leah burst into tears. She slapped her hand against her forehead, angry with herself for being so ridiculous. She'd waited months for this, and now all she could do was cry.
David didn't really know how to react. It had been a long time since he had been here. A very long time. Truth was, he hadn't had plans to return. He had been intending to waste out his days trailing Griffin around the world getting drunk and playing Playstation because it seemed safer. He was going to stay away and hope Leah would eventually forgive him for leaving her without word. He bit down on his lip and tried to fight away the emotion. "I'm so sorry," he murmured, almost too soft to hear. He had never been in this situation before so he didn't know what he should do or say. Anything he was thinking of saying didn't seem to be enough.
Leah held up a hand as she tried to stem the flow of tears and gave a shake of her head. She still couldn't bring herself to speak just yet, so she reached out to take his uninjured hand and pulled him inside. At least then she wouldn't have to worry about him standing in the doorway while she fell apart. As she snorted loudly and wiped at her tears she looked up at him. "What happened to your arm?" she choked out.
David's shoulder slumped a little and he looked down at his feet. "I tried to hit Griffin..." he mumbled sheepishly.
"Griffin?" Leah repeated as she tried to search her memory for any mention of him David might have given. "Isn't he the one you didn't like?"
"I never really not liked him, he was just a huge pain in the arse," David explained. "We always just rubbed each other the wrong way, but... well, we've kind of become mates and I've become friends with another one of his friends who is sort of an ex, sort of a friend with benefits." He scratched his arm under the sling near his elbow. "That's where I've mostly been."
Leah gave a nod, slowly getting over the shock of seeing David. She motioned her hand towards the couch as she bit her lip. "You can sit down, you know. You were always welcome here. It's still your place. I just... I wasn't sure if you wanted me to move out of it or not. I didn't--I kind of got a bit stuck." She searched his eyes as she took a deep breath. "At least you're okay. Besides the arm. Is, um, is Griffin okay?"
David sat down slowly with a small uncontrollable sigh of relief to get off his feet. "Griff's always okay. He Jumped out of the way, didn't he? I was just angry and frustrated. He was being his typical annoying bastard self and I just got annoyed." He met Leah's eyes and bit on his lip. "I'm sorry I put you through all that. The last few months I... I was really scared, of a lot of things. The best solution seemed to get as far away from you as possible. It was never you, Leah."
She smiled wryly as she sat down on the couch beside him, careful to stay on the side with the uninjured arm. "You couldn't have just told me that so I didn't spend all these months wondering?" She took his hand in hers, and looked down at it. "David... I love you. Still. Maybe always. But I'm sorry I've made you had to choose, and that you had to feel like you needed to be far away. I shouldn't ever have put you in that position."
David shook his head and made a small frustrated sound. "No, see? This is why I stayed away. I didn't know how to make you see it wasn't you. I'm not exactly an expert on relationship things. Casual was different because I never needed to think about it but when I started getting feelings for you, the fear just built and the guilt that I was putting you in danger was drowning me. I went to Griff and typically he just told me to keep away from anyone I love because it's safer and I didn't think I was in any position to do anything else. At least, until Jazz."
"Jazz?" Leah raised her eyebrows, watching David. "I never wanted you gone. I wanted you here, but you always made it clear you'd never be able to stay. I just... I guess I thought that meant you'd at least still come back. When I was awake, anyway. Unless I was just imagining all that..."
David nodded. "Griff's sort of ex, sort of friends with benefits. Only I doubt so much that will be there anymore because she told me she's started seeing someone." He rubbed his eyes slowly. "She's a Jumper. Only, not like Griff and me. She leads a normal life. She's a Harvard graduate and a journalist for a New York fashion magazine. She went to college, owns her own apartment, makes a lot of money from all the hard work she's done. Now she's starting a normal relationship. She helped me see a few things. Helped me see that I haven't been living a life, I've been living above it. Actually, she compared it to a bug caught in the wind and said one day, I was going to end up smashed into a windscreen," he added wryly.
"Oh, okay." Leah gave a nod. She was following a bit easier now that she knew who everybody was. David wasn't as alone as he let on, though. He had Griffin, and Jazz and his father... but he couldn't include Leah in all that. She rubbed her hands against her thighs as she tried to fight off the sudden pain in her chest. "So, um... are you... will you..." She couldn't quite finish her sentence as the lump in her throat grew large again. "I don't want you smashed against a windscreen."
David leaned forward and scratched his head. "She thinks I should... should try and be like her, in a sense. She thinks I have similar hopes and dreams to her and that I can stop forcing myself into the line of danger if I live a normal life. Get a job, find a permanent place and stay there. Just use the Jumping as like a hobby, like she does. She's never crossed paths with any Paladins in her whole life and she's been Jumping since she was five," he explained softly.
Leah bit down on her lip to stop herself from crying as she pushed her fingers through her short blonde hair. "That's... that's good, isn't it? If she's never had trouble with the Paladins? I still don't--I mean, are you going to try a 'normal' life? Where are you going to stay?"
"I don't know," David admitted quietly. "I haven't had a chance to think that far. This all just happened a few hours ago. JC came to the hospital and gave me a good talking to. Then I had to get the cast and I just... came here," he told her with a small smile.
"I'm glad she did, and I'm glad you did. So, so glad." She laughed a little as she wiped her cheeks again. "I've missed you so much, David. Please don't leave me again. Not like that."
David took her hand and squeezed it. "I'm sorry. I just panicked. I've never felt like anyone before how I was feeling about you. All I could see was danger, especially after the trip home and I saw every day what they did to my dad. I didn't know how to handle it. But I-I hope I'll be better now. I want to be, but I... can't do it alone."
Leah leaned in close to him, and smiled. "You don't have to do it alone. You should stay here. I've already felt like I've been sleeping beside you, but this way I can wake up to you. I'll help you anyway I can."
David rested his head down on her shoulder. "I haven't slept well in weeks. I feel like I could sleep forever. I'm slightly drugged up on painkillers, but don't worry. I'm lucid. I know I'm here," he added with a soft laugh. "If I could take it all back, I would. I never meant to hurt you, Leah. Never."
She reached up a hand to stroke the side of his face. "Good, because... once you're better I need you lucid for a whole lot of making up for lost time sex. And I know... but I couldn't stop it from hurting. This ache just set in and it wouldn't let up. Not until now."
"I'll be alright in a day or so," David added, smirking. "Once I get used to the cast. I'll introduce you to Jazz too. She wants to meet you. Told me so just when she left me here."
"Makes me wish I had some friends to introduce you to, but I don't. Just my family in Adelaide. Sad, huh?" Leah shifted so that she could get her lips to David's. "I love you, Renaissance Man."
David smiled. "I love you too," he murmured, meeting her in the kiss.
Griffin [theotherjumper] & Jazz Stanton [taste4freedom] referenced with permission
Word Count | 2,451
Co-written with morethanleah
[Follows THIS]
Leah was back in New York. After Christmas, she'd been assigned a fashion show in France. At the time she'd been tempted to turn it down to stay in Adelaide and hide a little longer, but she didn't. She decided it was time to get back on the horse--although which horse exactly she'd fallen off of, Leah couldn't say. It helped to be in a city that didn't remind her of David, but even then she still felt like she was being visited by her ghost. She still felt like he'd been sleeping next to her at night. Maybe she really was crazy. Maybe she'd been imagining his scent and his weight in the bed because she'd wanted to see him so badly.
At least she still had the Superman t-shirt, her one tangible link to him besides a few photographs and an apartment in New York. And apartment she had now returned to. It felt wrong. So, so wrong. He'd given her his apartment, and she thought he'd given her his heart. He just didn't want to see her. Ever. Maybe she couldn't have David and his heart. One or the other. Leah had been keeping to herself, and focusing on work. There had only been one night where she'd had to worry about whether or not she was actually involved with someone. A guy in the Thai restaurant she'd gone to get take-out from had tried to ask her out, and Leah had had to politely refuse him with explanations about a boyfriend. Which was true, wasn't it? He was just a boyfriend she didn't see, or talk to.
Her heart was still very much his, it was just waiting for him to come back and collect it. Some nights Leah wondered if she should just cut it out her chest and be done with it. Those were the nights she was sure she was being too melodramatic for her own good. And the nights she couldn't move from her place on the sofa as she stared blankly at the TV, not even registering what was on. Work was about the only place she seemed alive.
Leah poked at the lasagne on her plate and sighed. She'd just left David yet another message. The only contact she did have with him. She didn't know if he got her messages, but she still felt it was important to leave them. Her day summed up in two minutes and 'I love you' at the end. He had to know that she did love him. Even after all this time.
After David found himself in a rather neat cast on his wrist complete with a sling, Jazz had held firm and told him she would take him anywhere in the world he wanted to be. Out of anyone else's mouth, it would sound like an empty promise, but he knew she meant it. He was tired, it being one of those times that timezone hopping was taking it's toll. He was also given some strong painkillers and told to rest because breaking a bone was a shock on the system, even if it was just his wrist. It had come to the crunch then and David knew he had choices to make. The whole time the nurse worked on neatly setting his arm, he had sat staring blankly at the wall while he tried to process all of Jazz's advice in his mind. To be honest, the news she had a boyfriend had been sweet for him. She hadn't really elaborated except to tell him that the guy's name was Jason and he used to be a football player. She did promise to tell him more when he wasn't so distracted.
It was all that chain of events that had David now standing in the hall of Leah's apartment block. He flexed his fingers a little in the cast, not enjoying the feeling of it at all and the clinical hospital smell was still tingling in his nostrils. Thank god he was away from it now. He hated doctors. He drew a deep breath and let it out in a rush before using his uninjured hand to knock softly on her door.
It was strange, but Leah didn't actually register that the knock had even happened. The sound was so foreign to her ears, then slowly it sank in that there had been a noise and it was a knock on the door. Besides her family in Adelaide, Leah didn't really have any friends. She moved around too much, and anyone she collected on the way was usually kept in touch with through email. She set down her dinner on the coffee table and trudged over to the door, almost dragging her feet. She couldn't imagine anything good was going to be on the other side, not when she never had visitors.
She didn't even look through the peep hole before she just opened the door. Then she nearly slammed it again, she was so shocked. Her mouth fell open and she just stood there gaping at David. David who had just knocked on her door. David who was standing there breathing, his arm in a cast, but real. And alive. And here. She went to say something, but all that came out was a sob and with that, Leah burst into tears. She slapped her hand against her forehead, angry with herself for being so ridiculous. She'd waited months for this, and now all she could do was cry.
David didn't really know how to react. It had been a long time since he had been here. A very long time. Truth was, he hadn't had plans to return. He had been intending to waste out his days trailing Griffin around the world getting drunk and playing Playstation because it seemed safer. He was going to stay away and hope Leah would eventually forgive him for leaving her without word. He bit down on his lip and tried to fight away the emotion. "I'm so sorry," he murmured, almost too soft to hear. He had never been in this situation before so he didn't know what he should do or say. Anything he was thinking of saying didn't seem to be enough.
Leah held up a hand as she tried to stem the flow of tears and gave a shake of her head. She still couldn't bring herself to speak just yet, so she reached out to take his uninjured hand and pulled him inside. At least then she wouldn't have to worry about him standing in the doorway while she fell apart. As she snorted loudly and wiped at her tears she looked up at him. "What happened to your arm?" she choked out.
David's shoulder slumped a little and he looked down at his feet. "I tried to hit Griffin..." he mumbled sheepishly.
"Griffin?" Leah repeated as she tried to search her memory for any mention of him David might have given. "Isn't he the one you didn't like?"
"I never really not liked him, he was just a huge pain in the arse," David explained. "We always just rubbed each other the wrong way, but... well, we've kind of become mates and I've become friends with another one of his friends who is sort of an ex, sort of a friend with benefits." He scratched his arm under the sling near his elbow. "That's where I've mostly been."
Leah gave a nod, slowly getting over the shock of seeing David. She motioned her hand towards the couch as she bit her lip. "You can sit down, you know. You were always welcome here. It's still your place. I just... I wasn't sure if you wanted me to move out of it or not. I didn't--I kind of got a bit stuck." She searched his eyes as she took a deep breath. "At least you're okay. Besides the arm. Is, um, is Griffin okay?"
David sat down slowly with a small uncontrollable sigh of relief to get off his feet. "Griff's always okay. He Jumped out of the way, didn't he? I was just angry and frustrated. He was being his typical annoying bastard self and I just got annoyed." He met Leah's eyes and bit on his lip. "I'm sorry I put you through all that. The last few months I... I was really scared, of a lot of things. The best solution seemed to get as far away from you as possible. It was never you, Leah."
She smiled wryly as she sat down on the couch beside him, careful to stay on the side with the uninjured arm. "You couldn't have just told me that so I didn't spend all these months wondering?" She took his hand in hers, and looked down at it. "David... I love you. Still. Maybe always. But I'm sorry I've made you had to choose, and that you had to feel like you needed to be far away. I shouldn't ever have put you in that position."
David shook his head and made a small frustrated sound. "No, see? This is why I stayed away. I didn't know how to make you see it wasn't you. I'm not exactly an expert on relationship things. Casual was different because I never needed to think about it but when I started getting feelings for you, the fear just built and the guilt that I was putting you in danger was drowning me. I went to Griff and typically he just told me to keep away from anyone I love because it's safer and I didn't think I was in any position to do anything else. At least, until Jazz."
"Jazz?" Leah raised her eyebrows, watching David. "I never wanted you gone. I wanted you here, but you always made it clear you'd never be able to stay. I just... I guess I thought that meant you'd at least still come back. When I was awake, anyway. Unless I was just imagining all that..."
David nodded. "Griff's sort of ex, sort of friends with benefits. Only I doubt so much that will be there anymore because she told me she's started seeing someone." He rubbed his eyes slowly. "She's a Jumper. Only, not like Griff and me. She leads a normal life. She's a Harvard graduate and a journalist for a New York fashion magazine. She went to college, owns her own apartment, makes a lot of money from all the hard work she's done. Now she's starting a normal relationship. She helped me see a few things. Helped me see that I haven't been living a life, I've been living above it. Actually, she compared it to a bug caught in the wind and said one day, I was going to end up smashed into a windscreen," he added wryly.
"Oh, okay." Leah gave a nod. She was following a bit easier now that she knew who everybody was. David wasn't as alone as he let on, though. He had Griffin, and Jazz and his father... but he couldn't include Leah in all that. She rubbed her hands against her thighs as she tried to fight off the sudden pain in her chest. "So, um... are you... will you..." She couldn't quite finish her sentence as the lump in her throat grew large again. "I don't want you smashed against a windscreen."
David leaned forward and scratched his head. "She thinks I should... should try and be like her, in a sense. She thinks I have similar hopes and dreams to her and that I can stop forcing myself into the line of danger if I live a normal life. Get a job, find a permanent place and stay there. Just use the Jumping as like a hobby, like she does. She's never crossed paths with any Paladins in her whole life and she's been Jumping since she was five," he explained softly.
Leah bit down on her lip to stop herself from crying as she pushed her fingers through her short blonde hair. "That's... that's good, isn't it? If she's never had trouble with the Paladins? I still don't--I mean, are you going to try a 'normal' life? Where are you going to stay?"
"I don't know," David admitted quietly. "I haven't had a chance to think that far. This all just happened a few hours ago. JC came to the hospital and gave me a good talking to. Then I had to get the cast and I just... came here," he told her with a small smile.
"I'm glad she did, and I'm glad you did. So, so glad." She laughed a little as she wiped her cheeks again. "I've missed you so much, David. Please don't leave me again. Not like that."
David took her hand and squeezed it. "I'm sorry. I just panicked. I've never felt like anyone before how I was feeling about you. All I could see was danger, especially after the trip home and I saw every day what they did to my dad. I didn't know how to handle it. But I-I hope I'll be better now. I want to be, but I... can't do it alone."
Leah leaned in close to him, and smiled. "You don't have to do it alone. You should stay here. I've already felt like I've been sleeping beside you, but this way I can wake up to you. I'll help you anyway I can."
David rested his head down on her shoulder. "I haven't slept well in weeks. I feel like I could sleep forever. I'm slightly drugged up on painkillers, but don't worry. I'm lucid. I know I'm here," he added with a soft laugh. "If I could take it all back, I would. I never meant to hurt you, Leah. Never."
She reached up a hand to stroke the side of his face. "Good, because... once you're better I need you lucid for a whole lot of making up for lost time sex. And I know... but I couldn't stop it from hurting. This ache just set in and it wouldn't let up. Not until now."
"I'll be alright in a day or so," David added, smirking. "Once I get used to the cast. I'll introduce you to Jazz too. She wants to meet you. Told me so just when she left me here."
"Makes me wish I had some friends to introduce you to, but I don't. Just my family in Adelaide. Sad, huh?" Leah shifted so that she could get her lips to David's. "I love you, Renaissance Man."
David smiled. "I love you too," he murmured, meeting her in the kiss.
Griffin [theotherjumper] & Jazz Stanton [taste4freedom] referenced with permission
Word Count | 2,451