Stay
Pairing : SuLay
Genre : slight!angst(?), romance, genderbend
Rating : PG-13.
Summary : There's no summary because I don't know what happened /laughs so hard i choke/
Note : I listened to Mayday Parada's Stay and just got all this feels so I write it down into a fic (as always haha) but I just based it on the lyrics. Not really on the song. The song is sad but beautiful.
Oh can you tell, I haven't slept very well
Since the last time that we spoke, you said
"Please understand if I see you again don't even say hello."
Yixing lies awake in his bed, the ceiling appears appealing to him. He’s been trying to sleep since God knows when, but the cold feeling on his side and the hollow in his heart won’t let him. He looks to his side and found a pillow. A smile paints his face as he smells it. It still smell lovely, his mind drifting back to the girl who’s keeping him awake.
-
“Joonmyeon, come on, let’s talk about this,” Yixing says helplessly as he sees his girlfriend packing up her things on her bag. He doesn’t know what to do. He knows it’s his fault. But seeing Joonmyeon preparing to leave, tears evident in her eyes, he can’t help but hope he can redo what happened the day before.
Joonmyeon stands to face him, her hands automatically wiping her cheeks so that she won’t seem weak to him. She keeps on telling herself she can do it. “No, Yixing. Let’s end this. I’m just… This is getting so tiring-“
“But-“
“No, hear me out. You are very much aware, too that this relationship is not working out anymore. I need to go. Yixing… I can’t just stay if you keep on doing that. If I’m not enough you should have said so. You don’t need to bring a girl home to make me leave. You know you can just say it. We’ve… Why would you do that?” she sobs, trying to hold her tears back.
Yixing heart hurts as he sees her looking like that. She’s as beautiful as ever, but it hurts seeing her so broken. Yixing keeps on blaming his self.
“You know I didn’t mean to do that. I was drunk, Joonmyeon. And I… I never want you to leave, you know that. It’s just -“
His girlfriend looks him in the eyes and suddenly, Yixing don’t know what he’s going to say. How he’s going to tell Joonmyeon everything that won’t make her leave him.
“Just what, Yixing? It’s just that I’m not enough? It’s just that I’m too busy? You know what, I’m not hearing any of this anymore. Please let me leave.”
Joonmyeon picks up her bags and started walking out of their room but her boyfriend - ex boyfriend - won’t let her. “Yixing, please,” she begs but Yixing won’t bulge.
The brunette boy looks at her in the eyes and Joonmyeon almost wants to just hug him, but this is going on for too long. They’ve been fighting because of this for such a long time. She can’t do it anymore.
She remembers the first time she and Yixing meet. It was during freshman year in college, they’re both running late to their first class and they bumped into each other in the door of their room. They both laughed that time. And maybe they both fall in love, too. Her with Yixing. Yixing with her. It felt magical. But she never knew it would turn out like this after 2 years of being together.
“Xing will you just let me leave?”
“I’m… I’m sorry,” Yixing mumbles, making way for her. Maybe this is it. As much as it hurts, he don’t want to trap Joonmyeon inside this apartment, breaking into pieces.
The girl walks out the room and rushes towards the door. Yixing scans his eyes through the whole place, looking for something to make Joonmyeon stay just a little longer. He thinks maybe if she stays for a while more, she’ll calm down. Then maybe then they can talk.
“Joonmyeon, how about your bulletin board?” he knows he looks dumb once he had said it, Joonmyeon’s look clearly saying “what the actual fuck?”.
“It’s… you know it’s very important for you. You posts your schedule there, your papers-“
“I’ll just ask Baekhyun to come back and get my things here,” she replies as she goes to put her shoes on.
Yixing sees her favourite pot of flower by the window, “how about your pot of flower? You know I always forget watering it. You should take it would you.”
“I’ll just ask Baekhyun to come and get it for me, Yixing. I’m going,” she says, not daring to look at him in the eye because if she does, she knows she won’t be able to step a foot out the door.
“How about-“
“Goodbye, Yixing.”
“Joonmyeon, wait-“
“Would you do me a favor?” she asks, finally facing him. He won’t look at her either. His eyes is everywhere but her. Same old, Yixing. He can’t keep it to himself when he’s nervous.
“What is it?”
“If ever we meet again or see each other, please pretend that you don’t know me.”
“But-“
Yixing words dies on his throat as the door closes. He’s alone now. There’s no one to wake him up in the morning with kisses or a punch if a bunch of kiss is not enough. There’s no one to dance with him when he feels to. Reality hits him so hard that it makes him break down on the floor crying in too much pain. She’s gone. Joonmyeon’s gone.
-
What a night it is, when you live like this
And you're coming up beneath the clouds,
Don't let me down
All the love's still there I just don't know what to do with it now
Joonmyeon wakes up with a grunt. Yixing just won’t shut up. It’s weekend and weekend means she can sleep until noon. Haven’t they talked about it already when they moved together? She groans as the hand keeps on shaking her body.
“Yixing, will you just let me sleep a little more?” she says eyes closed.
“Yixing, huh?” Wait. When did Yixing’s voice became all girly? Is he sick? His voice is familiar though.
“Xing, your voice, are you sick?”
“No, I’m not sick. You are,” the voice continues and Joonmyeon opens her eyes in confusion. There looking over her is none other than her best friend Baekhyun.
Sudden realizations hits her and she slaps her hand on her forehead. Yeah. I’m with Baek. Right. Yixing. Ugh.
“I hope that slap makes your weird brain awake, dear,” Baekhyun remarks, rolling her eyes.
“Sorry,” Joonmyeon says, sitting up. Her best friend just shakes her head and goes to wherever she is going. Joonmyeon reaches for her phone to check if there’s any messages, but there’s none. Fucking Zhang Yixing really just let her go like that.
“You know how your face is looking right now as you look at your phone? It says “fucking boy doesn’t even ran after me after my dramatic walk out”,” Baekhyun pops out of nowhere and Joonmyeon almost jumps. She rolls her eyes and Baekhyun just stuck her tongue out at her.
“Why don’t you go back to him if you miss him so much. It’s been a week and you still keep on checking for his message or wishing he would knock at my door and beg me to hand you to him because he loves you,” the blonde girl adds, sitting beside her. Joonmyeon thinks about it. No. She can’t go back. It will just happen again.
“No. I’m never going back-“
“You know you’re at fault, too, Joonmyeon. You’re too busy with school. You live in the same roof yet you just see each other in the morning and when you’re going to sleep. I understand, Yixing,” Baekhyun shrugs. Joonmyeon shoots her a glare not believing that her best friend is actually taking Yixing’s side. No way.
“What? It’s true.” The doorbell rings and Baekhyun hurries to the door to open for her roommate Kyungsoo.
Kyungsoo looks at Joonmyeon then back at Baekhyun. “She still hasn’t gone running back to dancer boy?”
“By dancer boy, do you mean your boy Jongin or Joonmyeon’s boy Yixing?” Kyungsoo smacks Baekhyun in the head as soon as she finished talking. Of course she’s asking about Yixing.
“You’re all so very supportive as a best friend, thank you very much,” Joonmyeon mutters, sarcasm evident in her voice. Kyungsoo looks at him then rolls her eyes, “I know you’d still come running back to him. I think you’ve established in the world when you met that there’s no Joonmyeon if there’s no Yixing and vice versa.”
Joonmyeon just crosses her arms across her chess as she sighs. Her friends are right. Maybe it’s her fault, too. And it’s not like she found Yixing naked with the girl on the bed. She just saw them sleeping together. Literally.
She still loves Yixing. And she knows she’ll never stop. But what will she do?
-
Just say you love me and I'll say
"I'm sorry, I don't want anybody else to feel this way"
No, no, no
Yixing wakes up to the clinking of glasses outside the bedroom. He stands up and peeks out the door and sees the living room clean. Joonmyeon always reminds him to clean the house before. The boy laughs at what he’s remembering. For the past two weeks, all he was thinking about is Joonmyeon says and Joonmyeon would.
He looks out the window and saw that the sun has already risen up. Winter is coming and he can feel it as he shivers because of the cold temperature inside his room. He decides to go back to his room to get his favourite cardigan - Joonmyeon always says he looks so handsome with it - and goes out to head to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. But what he sees makes his jaw drop.
Joonmyeon is standing at the kitchen, her back is on him, preparing what seems like their breakfast. Yixing shook his head, he thinks his having his illusions again. Maybe I’m too drunk last night that’s why-
“Sit down, let’s eat,” the girl suddenly speaks and Yixing almost faints because she’s real. She’s not just his illusion. Joonmyeon is here. In front of him.
“Why-“
“Eat, Yixing,” she commands and Yixing do as he’s been told. He pulls out a chair in front of Joonmyeon but stop, maybe she doesn’t want me to sit right in front of her.
“Can I.. Uhhh… Sit here?” He tried asking, looking at Joonmyeon hesitantly never really want to meet her eyes.
Joonmyeon looks lazily at him then proceeds to roll her eyes, “Why? Do you want to sit beside me? Sit wherever you want.” So Yixing sits in front of her. He wants to get a nice spot to see the beautiful view in front of him.
He’s about to put a spoonful of rice on his mouth when Joonmyeon talks again, “in case you’re wondering we’re still not okay. I’m just… I knew you’d be like this. Look at you, are you even eating? And I can smell alcohol from here, you’ve gone on a drink again. Should I even be surprise?” she says more to herself than to him. Yixing’s appetite suddenly disappears.
“We’ll talk after eating,” his girlfriend adds and Yixing gives her a small smile before eating.
Thick air of silence hangs above them as they sit on opposite sides of their couch. Their. Yixing thinks and he smiles. He looks over at Joonmyeon only to get surprised because she’s already staring at him.
“Joonmyeon I-“
“I’m sorry,” Joonmyeon beats him. Yixing looks over at her and smiles shaking his head. “No, I’m sorry,” he says, taking Joonmyeon’s hands into his as he scoots closer. He thought she would take her hands back, but she just lowers her head and in that moment, Yixing knows she’ll cry.
“Hey, don’t cry. Come on, I’m really sorry, Joonmyeon. I didn’t mean to-“ a sob “Joonmyeon please look at me,” he begs, his left hand reaching to her cheeks.
Joonmyeon avoids his gaze but let Yixing caress her face. It feels so good. She feels home.
“Hey, look at me. I know I’ve been a jerk, I never should’ve done that. But, please hear me out first. I admit I’ve been with other girl while I’m with you but-“
“I know you never slept with them. I know you never kissed them. I know, Yixing, I know,” the girl continues his words and Yixing is left staring at her.
Joonmyeon takes a deep breath and tilts her head up to look at Yixing, “I know you never mean to. I know you’re just lonely because I don’t have time for you. I know, Yixing. But it doesn’t lessen the pain.” Her tears keeps on flowing and Yixing catches each of them. She knows. How did she know?
“I know because I followed you one time. You went to the bar with Minseok after school, I was in the library finishing my works but I abandoned it because I’m afraid you’ll do it again. And you did. I see you with that girl, Luhan, is that her name? I waited. I waited for you to kiss her. But you did nothing. You just laugh with her, then she’ll bring you back to our apartment. She’s the girl you’re sleeping with last time we spoke, right? I knew you did nothing with her. Sometimes, Chanyeol tells me all about it. How else would I forgive you every time I see you with her or other girls if I don’t? It’s just… It hurts because I feel like you’re checking them out to replace me. But I never thought about you, I just thought about myself. I’m busy, I need to pass all my studies and you know that. It’s my dream. I’m on my way to my dream, Yixing that’s why I didn’t care if I lose you because of that -“ she’s crying hard by now and Yixing hugs her. “Stop,” he says. “Stop explaining. I understand now. I’ll let you go, Joonmyeon. I will. I know your dream is important for you,” he explains, his hands soothing her back but she pushes him away.
“No. I’m not finished yet. When I lost you I realized something… That day that I decided we’ll never work out, that day when I walk out that goddamn door, I realize something is missing from me. It’s not that I became all emotional when I’m thinking about that, if you’re thinking I cried all week, I didn’t, just so you know.”
Yixing chuckles because this is Joonmyeon.
“Don’t laugh at me. I was waiting for you outside the door but you didn’t even fucking ran after me, how dare you?”
By this time, there’s also a smile in Joonmyeon’s face. Her eyes is still filled with tears but she’s smiling. Yixing mentally slaps himself because of that. He knew he should’ve run after her. He knew he should do something. But he didn’t because he was to busy being emotional and breaking down on the floor.
“I-“
“So after 15 minutes - 15 fucking minutes Yixing you know I’m not that patient - I drag myself in Baekhyun’s room and welcome myself there. But there’s still missing in me. Yes, I didn’t cry but I feel empty. I see you on campus but I tried my best to avoid you. Then on the second week I saw Luhan. And she was holding hands with a boy. And she knew me. She was like ‘Hey, Joonmyeon, right? Yixing’s girlfriend?’ and I just nodded and she continues ‘How’s Yixing? I’m sorry for that other day. Yixing keeps on hugging me because she thought I was you. I hope you didn’t misunderstand that. I like him. And I know he likes me back then before you came, you see we’re both from China, but I moved on when he came to the bar getting drunk and being like “Luhan, call Joonmyeon. I miss Joonmyeon” then he’ll start hugging me saying “Joonmyeon, joonmyeon” and I got tired of it, haha. So… Yeah. I hope you really didn’t misunderstand’ And I just stood there frozen because its too much for me until the boy she was with coughs and she suddenly introduce him ‘This is Sehun, btw. He’s Yixing’s junior in Dance. My boyfriend,’ and she smiles and she’s so pretty-“
“You’re prettier than her,” he whispers.
“Don’t interrupt me and I just smiled and went back to Baekhyun’s and bang my head on the wall because ‘what the fuck’, I lose you for nothing. Then I realized what I’m missing,”
Yixing moves closer to her and mutters “Is it me?” that makes Joonmyeon laugh.
“No. It’s my dream. I’m missing my dream,” she tells him smiling. She can tell by the expression that took in Yixing’s face that he’s upset. So she nudges him, “And you know what my dream is?”
“To be a doctor and live a happy life,” Yixing answers dejectedly.
Joonmyeon shooks her head and squeezes Yixing’s hands, “You're so dumb sometimes. Since I met you, you became my dream.”
Yixing just looks at her, mouth hanging open not knowing what to say. Joonmyeon gives a small smile and bumps her shoulders on his.
“I’m… I’m really sorry if I made you felt that way. I just… I became lonely and there’s Luhan and other girls in front of me but when I get drunk it’s still you I’m looking for, I’m sorry, Joonmyeon,” he apologizes. He doesn’t know what to do now. Are they okay? Or…
“Do you… Do you still love me? Am I still your dream?”
Silence surrounds them for a while and Yixing’s heartbeat is starting to get faster and faster. What if she doesn’t love him enough to stay?
“I still love you. And I don’t think I’ll ever stop. And yes, you’re still my dream,” she whispers, enough for him to hear and his lips automatically forms a smile.
He wants to shout. He wants to hug Joonmyeon, wants to kiss the life away from her but no, they have to live their dream.
“I won’t do it again. I swear. You don’t deserve to feel that way. I’m sorry for making you cry out of pain. I really won’t do it again. I’m a wreck when you left. I don’t want to feel that way again. We’ll have so many fights in the future and I may not be strong but I love you, Joonmyeon. I don’t want to lose you again. I’ll stay by your side,” he confesses and the girl gave him a smile and a nod. It’s like the heaven opened up right then and there and an angel came down. She’s his angel.
“You better be,” Joonmyeon laughs and interlace their finger together. He envelops her into a tight hug and squeeze her until it makes her giggle because Yixing’s happiness is radiating off him.
He plants a kiss on the crown of her head and proceeds to make a trail until he reaches her ear, “I love you, Joonmyeon. I love so much it hurts.”
She squirms her way out of Yixing hug and looks down, trying to hide her blush. “you deserve it. You give me too much pain,” she retorts back and Yixing just laughs and hug her again.
“I’m not letting you go. Stay with me forever.”
“I will, Yixing. I will,” she answers. Yixing pulls her away from him, “Is it a deal?”
“Deal!” Joonmyeon shouts and Yixing drowns out the end of her voice with his lips on hers. He has to seal their deal anyway.
I'm not strong enough for the both of us
What was I supposed to do
You know I love you
Whoa-oh
Please just stay
Stay
Genre : slight!angst(?), romance, genderbend
Rating : PG-13.
Summary : There's no summary because I don't know what happened /laughs so hard i choke/
Note : I listened to Mayday Parada's Stay and just got all this feels so I write it down into a fic (as always haha) but I just based it on the lyrics. Not really on the song. The song is sad but beautiful.
Oh can you tell, I haven't slept very well
Since the last time that we spoke, you said
"Please understand if I see you again don't even say hello."
Yixing lies awake in his bed, the ceiling appears appealing to him. He’s been trying to sleep since God knows when, but the cold feeling on his side and the hollow in his heart won’t let him. He looks to his side and found a pillow. A smile paints his face as he smells it. It still smell lovely, his mind drifting back to the girl who’s keeping him awake.
-
“Joonmyeon, come on, let’s talk about this,” Yixing says helplessly as he sees his girlfriend packing up her things on her bag. He doesn’t know what to do. He knows it’s his fault. But seeing Joonmyeon preparing to leave, tears evident in her eyes, he can’t help but hope he can redo what happened the day before.
Joonmyeon stands to face him, her hands automatically wiping her cheeks so that she won’t seem weak to him. She keeps on telling herself she can do it. “No, Yixing. Let’s end this. I’m just… This is getting so tiring-“
“But-“
“No, hear me out. You are very much aware, too that this relationship is not working out anymore. I need to go. Yixing… I can’t just stay if you keep on doing that. If I’m not enough you should have said so. You don’t need to bring a girl home to make me leave. You know you can just say it. We’ve… Why would you do that?” she sobs, trying to hold her tears back.
Yixing heart hurts as he sees her looking like that. She’s as beautiful as ever, but it hurts seeing her so broken. Yixing keeps on blaming his self.
“You know I didn’t mean to do that. I was drunk, Joonmyeon. And I… I never want you to leave, you know that. It’s just -“
His girlfriend looks him in the eyes and suddenly, Yixing don’t know what he’s going to say. How he’s going to tell Joonmyeon everything that won’t make her leave him.
“Just what, Yixing? It’s just that I’m not enough? It’s just that I’m too busy? You know what, I’m not hearing any of this anymore. Please let me leave.”
Joonmyeon picks up her bags and started walking out of their room but her boyfriend - ex boyfriend - won’t let her. “Yixing, please,” she begs but Yixing won’t bulge.
The brunette boy looks at her in the eyes and Joonmyeon almost wants to just hug him, but this is going on for too long. They’ve been fighting because of this for such a long time. She can’t do it anymore.
She remembers the first time she and Yixing meet. It was during freshman year in college, they’re both running late to their first class and they bumped into each other in the door of their room. They both laughed that time. And maybe they both fall in love, too. Her with Yixing. Yixing with her. It felt magical. But she never knew it would turn out like this after 2 years of being together.
“Xing will you just let me leave?”
“I’m… I’m sorry,” Yixing mumbles, making way for her. Maybe this is it. As much as it hurts, he don’t want to trap Joonmyeon inside this apartment, breaking into pieces.
The girl walks out the room and rushes towards the door. Yixing scans his eyes through the whole place, looking for something to make Joonmyeon stay just a little longer. He thinks maybe if she stays for a while more, she’ll calm down. Then maybe then they can talk.
“Joonmyeon, how about your bulletin board?” he knows he looks dumb once he had said it, Joonmyeon’s look clearly saying “what the actual fuck?”.
“It’s… you know it’s very important for you. You posts your schedule there, your papers-“
“I’ll just ask Baekhyun to come back and get my things here,” she replies as she goes to put her shoes on.
Yixing sees her favourite pot of flower by the window, “how about your pot of flower? You know I always forget watering it. You should take it would you.”
“I’ll just ask Baekhyun to come and get it for me, Yixing. I’m going,” she says, not daring to look at him in the eye because if she does, she knows she won’t be able to step a foot out the door.
“How about-“
“Goodbye, Yixing.”
“Joonmyeon, wait-“
“Would you do me a favor?” she asks, finally facing him. He won’t look at her either. His eyes is everywhere but her. Same old, Yixing. He can’t keep it to himself when he’s nervous.
“What is it?”
“If ever we meet again or see each other, please pretend that you don’t know me.”
“But-“
Yixing words dies on his throat as the door closes. He’s alone now. There’s no one to wake him up in the morning with kisses or a punch if a bunch of kiss is not enough. There’s no one to dance with him when he feels to. Reality hits him so hard that it makes him break down on the floor crying in too much pain. She’s gone. Joonmyeon’s gone.
-
What a night it is, when you live like this
And you're coming up beneath the clouds,
Don't let me down
All the love's still there I just don't know what to do with it now
Joonmyeon wakes up with a grunt. Yixing just won’t shut up. It’s weekend and weekend means she can sleep until noon. Haven’t they talked about it already when they moved together? She groans as the hand keeps on shaking her body.
“Yixing, will you just let me sleep a little more?” she says eyes closed.
“Yixing, huh?” Wait. When did Yixing’s voice became all girly? Is he sick? His voice is familiar though.
“Xing, your voice, are you sick?”
“No, I’m not sick. You are,” the voice continues and Joonmyeon opens her eyes in confusion. There looking over her is none other than her best friend Baekhyun.
Sudden realizations hits her and she slaps her hand on her forehead. Yeah. I’m with Baek. Right. Yixing. Ugh.
“I hope that slap makes your weird brain awake, dear,” Baekhyun remarks, rolling her eyes.
“Sorry,” Joonmyeon says, sitting up. Her best friend just shakes her head and goes to wherever she is going. Joonmyeon reaches for her phone to check if there’s any messages, but there’s none. Fucking Zhang Yixing really just let her go like that.
“You know how your face is looking right now as you look at your phone? It says “fucking boy doesn’t even ran after me after my dramatic walk out”,” Baekhyun pops out of nowhere and Joonmyeon almost jumps. She rolls her eyes and Baekhyun just stuck her tongue out at her.
“Why don’t you go back to him if you miss him so much. It’s been a week and you still keep on checking for his message or wishing he would knock at my door and beg me to hand you to him because he loves you,” the blonde girl adds, sitting beside her. Joonmyeon thinks about it. No. She can’t go back. It will just happen again.
“No. I’m never going back-“
“You know you’re at fault, too, Joonmyeon. You’re too busy with school. You live in the same roof yet you just see each other in the morning and when you’re going to sleep. I understand, Yixing,” Baekhyun shrugs. Joonmyeon shoots her a glare not believing that her best friend is actually taking Yixing’s side. No way.
“What? It’s true.” The doorbell rings and Baekhyun hurries to the door to open for her roommate Kyungsoo.
Kyungsoo looks at Joonmyeon then back at Baekhyun. “She still hasn’t gone running back to dancer boy?”
“By dancer boy, do you mean your boy Jongin or Joonmyeon’s boy Yixing?” Kyungsoo smacks Baekhyun in the head as soon as she finished talking. Of course she’s asking about Yixing.
“You’re all so very supportive as a best friend, thank you very much,” Joonmyeon mutters, sarcasm evident in her voice. Kyungsoo looks at him then rolls her eyes, “I know you’d still come running back to him. I think you’ve established in the world when you met that there’s no Joonmyeon if there’s no Yixing and vice versa.”
Joonmyeon just crosses her arms across her chess as she sighs. Her friends are right. Maybe it’s her fault, too. And it’s not like she found Yixing naked with the girl on the bed. She just saw them sleeping together. Literally.
She still loves Yixing. And she knows she’ll never stop. But what will she do?
-
Just say you love me and I'll say
"I'm sorry, I don't want anybody else to feel this way"
No, no, no
Yixing wakes up to the clinking of glasses outside the bedroom. He stands up and peeks out the door and sees the living room clean. Joonmyeon always reminds him to clean the house before. The boy laughs at what he’s remembering. For the past two weeks, all he was thinking about is Joonmyeon says and Joonmyeon would.
He looks out the window and saw that the sun has already risen up. Winter is coming and he can feel it as he shivers because of the cold temperature inside his room. He decides to go back to his room to get his favourite cardigan - Joonmyeon always says he looks so handsome with it - and goes out to head to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. But what he sees makes his jaw drop.
Joonmyeon is standing at the kitchen, her back is on him, preparing what seems like their breakfast. Yixing shook his head, he thinks his having his illusions again. Maybe I’m too drunk last night that’s why-
“Sit down, let’s eat,” the girl suddenly speaks and Yixing almost faints because she’s real. She’s not just his illusion. Joonmyeon is here. In front of him.
“Why-“
“Eat, Yixing,” she commands and Yixing do as he’s been told. He pulls out a chair in front of Joonmyeon but stop, maybe she doesn’t want me to sit right in front of her.
“Can I.. Uhhh… Sit here?” He tried asking, looking at Joonmyeon hesitantly never really want to meet her eyes.
Joonmyeon looks lazily at him then proceeds to roll her eyes, “Why? Do you want to sit beside me? Sit wherever you want.” So Yixing sits in front of her. He wants to get a nice spot to see the beautiful view in front of him.
He’s about to put a spoonful of rice on his mouth when Joonmyeon talks again, “in case you’re wondering we’re still not okay. I’m just… I knew you’d be like this. Look at you, are you even eating? And I can smell alcohol from here, you’ve gone on a drink again. Should I even be surprise?” she says more to herself than to him. Yixing’s appetite suddenly disappears.
“We’ll talk after eating,” his girlfriend adds and Yixing gives her a small smile before eating.
Thick air of silence hangs above them as they sit on opposite sides of their couch. Their. Yixing thinks and he smiles. He looks over at Joonmyeon only to get surprised because she’s already staring at him.
“Joonmyeon I-“
“I’m sorry,” Joonmyeon beats him. Yixing looks over at her and smiles shaking his head. “No, I’m sorry,” he says, taking Joonmyeon’s hands into his as he scoots closer. He thought she would take her hands back, but she just lowers her head and in that moment, Yixing knows she’ll cry.
“Hey, don’t cry. Come on, I’m really sorry, Joonmyeon. I didn’t mean to-“ a sob “Joonmyeon please look at me,” he begs, his left hand reaching to her cheeks.
Joonmyeon avoids his gaze but let Yixing caress her face. It feels so good. She feels home.
“Hey, look at me. I know I’ve been a jerk, I never should’ve done that. But, please hear me out first. I admit I’ve been with other girl while I’m with you but-“
“I know you never slept with them. I know you never kissed them. I know, Yixing, I know,” the girl continues his words and Yixing is left staring at her.
Joonmyeon takes a deep breath and tilts her head up to look at Yixing, “I know you never mean to. I know you’re just lonely because I don’t have time for you. I know, Yixing. But it doesn’t lessen the pain.” Her tears keeps on flowing and Yixing catches each of them. She knows. How did she know?
“I know because I followed you one time. You went to the bar with Minseok after school, I was in the library finishing my works but I abandoned it because I’m afraid you’ll do it again. And you did. I see you with that girl, Luhan, is that her name? I waited. I waited for you to kiss her. But you did nothing. You just laugh with her, then she’ll bring you back to our apartment. She’s the girl you’re sleeping with last time we spoke, right? I knew you did nothing with her. Sometimes, Chanyeol tells me all about it. How else would I forgive you every time I see you with her or other girls if I don’t? It’s just… It hurts because I feel like you’re checking them out to replace me. But I never thought about you, I just thought about myself. I’m busy, I need to pass all my studies and you know that. It’s my dream. I’m on my way to my dream, Yixing that’s why I didn’t care if I lose you because of that -“ she’s crying hard by now and Yixing hugs her. “Stop,” he says. “Stop explaining. I understand now. I’ll let you go, Joonmyeon. I will. I know your dream is important for you,” he explains, his hands soothing her back but she pushes him away.
“No. I’m not finished yet. When I lost you I realized something… That day that I decided we’ll never work out, that day when I walk out that goddamn door, I realize something is missing from me. It’s not that I became all emotional when I’m thinking about that, if you’re thinking I cried all week, I didn’t, just so you know.”
Yixing chuckles because this is Joonmyeon.
“Don’t laugh at me. I was waiting for you outside the door but you didn’t even fucking ran after me, how dare you?”
By this time, there’s also a smile in Joonmyeon’s face. Her eyes is still filled with tears but she’s smiling. Yixing mentally slaps himself because of that. He knew he should’ve run after her. He knew he should do something. But he didn’t because he was to busy being emotional and breaking down on the floor.
“I-“
“So after 15 minutes - 15 fucking minutes Yixing you know I’m not that patient - I drag myself in Baekhyun’s room and welcome myself there. But there’s still missing in me. Yes, I didn’t cry but I feel empty. I see you on campus but I tried my best to avoid you. Then on the second week I saw Luhan. And she was holding hands with a boy. And she knew me. She was like ‘Hey, Joonmyeon, right? Yixing’s girlfriend?’ and I just nodded and she continues ‘How’s Yixing? I’m sorry for that other day. Yixing keeps on hugging me because she thought I was you. I hope you didn’t misunderstand that. I like him. And I know he likes me back then before you came, you see we’re both from China, but I moved on when he came to the bar getting drunk and being like “Luhan, call Joonmyeon. I miss Joonmyeon” then he’ll start hugging me saying “Joonmyeon, joonmyeon” and I got tired of it, haha. So… Yeah. I hope you really didn’t misunderstand’ And I just stood there frozen because its too much for me until the boy she was with coughs and she suddenly introduce him ‘This is Sehun, btw. He’s Yixing’s junior in Dance. My boyfriend,’ and she smiles and she’s so pretty-“
“You’re prettier than her,” he whispers.
“Don’t interrupt me and I just smiled and went back to Baekhyun’s and bang my head on the wall because ‘what the fuck’, I lose you for nothing. Then I realized what I’m missing,”
Yixing moves closer to her and mutters “Is it me?” that makes Joonmyeon laugh.
“No. It’s my dream. I’m missing my dream,” she tells him smiling. She can tell by the expression that took in Yixing’s face that he’s upset. So she nudges him, “And you know what my dream is?”
“To be a doctor and live a happy life,” Yixing answers dejectedly.
Joonmyeon shooks her head and squeezes Yixing’s hands, “You're so dumb sometimes. Since I met you, you became my dream.”
Yixing just looks at her, mouth hanging open not knowing what to say. Joonmyeon gives a small smile and bumps her shoulders on his.
“I’m… I’m really sorry if I made you felt that way. I just… I became lonely and there’s Luhan and other girls in front of me but when I get drunk it’s still you I’m looking for, I’m sorry, Joonmyeon,” he apologizes. He doesn’t know what to do now. Are they okay? Or…
“Do you… Do you still love me? Am I still your dream?”
Silence surrounds them for a while and Yixing’s heartbeat is starting to get faster and faster. What if she doesn’t love him enough to stay?
“I still love you. And I don’t think I’ll ever stop. And yes, you’re still my dream,” she whispers, enough for him to hear and his lips automatically forms a smile.
He wants to shout. He wants to hug Joonmyeon, wants to kiss the life away from her but no, they have to live their dream.
“I won’t do it again. I swear. You don’t deserve to feel that way. I’m sorry for making you cry out of pain. I really won’t do it again. I’m a wreck when you left. I don’t want to feel that way again. We’ll have so many fights in the future and I may not be strong but I love you, Joonmyeon. I don’t want to lose you again. I’ll stay by your side,” he confesses and the girl gave him a smile and a nod. It’s like the heaven opened up right then and there and an angel came down. She’s his angel.
“You better be,” Joonmyeon laughs and interlace their finger together. He envelops her into a tight hug and squeeze her until it makes her giggle because Yixing’s happiness is radiating off him.
He plants a kiss on the crown of her head and proceeds to make a trail until he reaches her ear, “I love you, Joonmyeon. I love so much it hurts.”
She squirms her way out of Yixing hug and looks down, trying to hide her blush. “you deserve it. You give me too much pain,” she retorts back and Yixing just laughs and hug her again.
“I’m not letting you go. Stay with me forever.”
“I will, Yixing. I will,” she answers. Yixing pulls her away from him, “Is it a deal?”
“Deal!” Joonmyeon shouts and Yixing drowns out the end of her voice with his lips on hers. He has to seal their deal anyway.
I'm not strong enough for the both of us
What was I supposed to do
You know I love you
Whoa-oh
Please just stay
Stay