Don't think back at me at all...

[whymeforever]

Just to tell you I am pathetic and a failure. I have no purpose in the world at all. I need too much. And give too little. I waste time with people that really could care less about me. I don't know why I am here. I haven't helped any one with anything. If anything I make matters worse. I know that I am a bitchy ass hole. I need to controle myself but it's really hard to do. I can't even be there for the people that I care about. I try to be there. I'm tempted to just try and forget but I know that I can't. Matt doesn't even know the half of it. I miss him. I don't know how people do it. How do they go on? I sit around at night and cry until I fall asleep, and I am sick of it. I am not happy with the way that I look I don't know maybe I should be but I'm not. Homecoming is this weekend. The more and more I think about it the more and more stressed out I get. I am so worried that Matt won't think I look pretty. School sucks. Yeah I have friends but not ones that I can talk to. They all seem to go to different schools and don't have time. That's selfish and I know it. We were special (well I was told that) but were we really? No, I don't think we were. He left adn abandoned me. I tried to stay close but he wouldn't put out effort. He has a new best friend and just like everyone else I'm second best. I hate that I feel this way. I am too scared to do what would make me and alot of people happy. It sucks because I broke a promise. And I am so sorry that I did. I want them to know that I am sorry and I didn't mean to hurt them. I wish that I could go back and re-think. Yeah but if I could do that I would go back a long way. I'm still not over him being gone. I don't know how to cope with all of this. Leave it up to me to burden me again right? People don't listen to me so I don't know why I am even wasteing yours and my time writing this. So anyway I don't know what to do anymore should I just give up and let my weakness win?
Failure,
Kristi
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