Uncle Jim.....
I can tell already this day is going to suck for me!
I need an energy drink soooo bad. Ry crawled in bed with me last night and was floppin around like a freakin fish ALL night! I am suprised i didnt get a black eye from his foot! The joys of being a mother....
I woke up this am really bummed out, and it doesnt seem that is going to change anytime soon. I feel aweful about my uncle's condition and that there is no more they can do for him. It just doesnt seem fair....its always the good guys that get taken down by cancer. He was such a strong,amazing man whom i called "my hero"
in a paper in jr. high. I wish i could find it and re-read it and maybe even give it to him. It was about him savin my 'life' when he caught me right before i crashed my head into the cement in a stadium (i fell backwards off of a railing..it was almost very ugly). I thought the world of him then and still do now. He is truely a fighter... its just such a shame his body gave up before he did mentally. I dont even know what else to say other than i feel like crying. I wish i would of made that trip to Lisa's wedding last month, cause then i would of had the oppurtunity to say goodbye while he was still not toooo bad. But my grams was sick then too and of course, i am a lot closer to her so i chose to stay here. I just still feel guilty for not going. I keep thinking about how now that they moved to a condo, i will never see their old house again....the one i loved going to every year growing up and had soo many good memories with him....it just sucks. I talked to my grams about going out to see him and Grams said that is not a good idea. I guess she told Aunt Carol she would come down to be with her and Aunt Carol said she didnt want anyone there. I understand where she is coming from but at the same time, i think we all deserve or last oppurtunity to say goodbye to him before we never have the chance too. I know i should of made the attempt to get out there sooner, its not like he just got sick yesterday. BUT at the same time, none of us even expected or imagined that he would be brought down by cancer this quickly. So i thought i had more time to make it down there. I thought about maybe makin a trip down there this weekend and callin them when i get there...maybe she will change her mind once i am down there. I can use the excuse of visiting Lisa for being down there and then maybe she would let me stop in on the way home ....even if its only for 10 min...i need that closure. Regardless, i guess i will be making a trip down there soon anyways. They took him off of kemo and have set up hospice for him at home. When Lee's dad got hospice, he only lived for about another 2 weeks. There is nothing else they can do for him anymore but let him spend his last days with his family. Maybe he will fight longer than that...who knows... but i know he wont magically get better, this is the end.
so thats pretty much how i feel this am..., i just had to write it all down, hopin i would feel a lil better.
I need an energy drink soooo bad. Ry crawled in bed with me last night and was floppin around like a freakin fish ALL night! I am suprised i didnt get a black eye from his foot! The joys of being a mother....
I woke up this am really bummed out, and it doesnt seem that is going to change anytime soon. I feel aweful about my uncle's condition and that there is no more they can do for him. It just doesnt seem fair....its always the good guys that get taken down by cancer. He was such a strong,amazing man whom i called "my hero"
in a paper in jr. high. I wish i could find it and re-read it and maybe even give it to him. It was about him savin my 'life' when he caught me right before i crashed my head into the cement in a stadium (i fell backwards off of a railing..it was almost very ugly). I thought the world of him then and still do now. He is truely a fighter... its just such a shame his body gave up before he did mentally. I dont even know what else to say other than i feel like crying. I wish i would of made that trip to Lisa's wedding last month, cause then i would of had the oppurtunity to say goodbye while he was still not toooo bad. But my grams was sick then too and of course, i am a lot closer to her so i chose to stay here. I just still feel guilty for not going. I keep thinking about how now that they moved to a condo, i will never see their old house again....the one i loved going to every year growing up and had soo many good memories with him....it just sucks. I talked to my grams about going out to see him and Grams said that is not a good idea. I guess she told Aunt Carol she would come down to be with her and Aunt Carol said she didnt want anyone there. I understand where she is coming from but at the same time, i think we all deserve or last oppurtunity to say goodbye to him before we never have the chance too. I know i should of made the attempt to get out there sooner, its not like he just got sick yesterday. BUT at the same time, none of us even expected or imagined that he would be brought down by cancer this quickly. So i thought i had more time to make it down there. I thought about maybe makin a trip down there this weekend and callin them when i get there...maybe she will change her mind once i am down there. I can use the excuse of visiting Lisa for being down there and then maybe she would let me stop in on the way home ....even if its only for 10 min...i need that closure. Regardless, i guess i will be making a trip down there soon anyways. They took him off of kemo and have set up hospice for him at home. When Lee's dad got hospice, he only lived for about another 2 weeks. There is nothing else they can do for him anymore but let him spend his last days with his family. Maybe he will fight longer than that...who knows... but i know he wont magically get better, this is the end.
so thats pretty much how i feel this am..., i just had to write it all down, hopin i would feel a lil better.