(no subject)
The more & more life goes on, i learn how to judge peoples character faster than normal.
I once dated a person who was the male version of ME! We butted heads constantly, always arguing because we both HAD TO BE RIGHT!! It ended with my decision to be with my current boyfriend. Yes, bad gwen bad gwen. But, I saw something in him. Now even more do i realize what i have.
I promised him i would no longer have any kind of contact with my former boyfriend. What did i do? ask the dude for a ride home. Of course, he tested my paitence (as usual) and I fired back with the word "ass hole". He drives straight past my road and says "i'll show you an ass hole" and then began with "You have two options, you can either jump out of the car while im driving, or you can walk.. which is it??" What kind of person does that to someone they "care about" even if they are mad. It doesnt matter! You dont put someones life in danger. Then he proceeded to this community under construction and said "Get out" IN THE DARK!!! He put the parking break on and said "i'll call the cops and they will make you get out" of course.... IM NOT GETTING OUT!! Im scared shitless. Im hysterically crying... i called my mom. She was on her way to come get me... so in the mean time i call my boyfriend, who i know is going to be VERY mad at me. He was. My mom got there and then pretty much made my ex feel like shit. He put MY life in jeoprody. He doesnt care about my well being, he tried to put me in a postion of 60% not making it home. Of course his friend is laughing is ass off. Ya what a man right?? pshh sorry exuse for a penis if you ask me. There is no respect for girls now a days... i swear. Now i know the kind of guy my ex is TRYING to be, because thats NOT him.
Then My boyfriend gets off work at 10. He gets to my house about 10:30. Of course the first thing out of his mouth is "are you okay?". He genuinly cares about me. (FINALLY someone) We stood in the drive way starring at each other talking for 1 1/2 hours. He doesnt know if he wants to continue the relationship. On the fact that i went against my OWN word. Hes affraid, and i completely understand.... we BOTH have been hurt alot in our past. & im just going to give him his space to think and be a guy.... and i know he'll call me tonight... i just dont know what to say to him....
One of the things I told him was.... " Im going to stop saying I love you, because i know its freaking you out" ......silence...... im starting to understand him. *deep breath* If he wasn't worth it, i would of just said... sorry hunny, your right...we should just break up. But no.... he cares about ME. Wants ME happy, and wants MEEEEEEE! We are ONE. (in his own words) and i have a strong feeling were going to make it.
Jacob Conner, you mean everything in this world to me. And with out you, i think i would be worse than a train wreck. You give me courage to speak my mind, and boost my self esteem like WHOA! Just know that no matter how many mistakes you and I make together.... in the end i think of your smile. I care, miss, and want you more than ever.
loveyouhunny.
wow.
love,
Gwen Marie