eulogy for the thoughts incomplete and inconsistant.
fragmentation. cut along not so clean lines and re-cemented, like an attempt to affix the cracked shell of an egg with just the right amount of energy. to reseal the bonds. but these are chipped from different eggs at different times. the embryo saved is not the same that was threatened originally and no one will take this one home. not even to peal off his skin and raise his body temperature to 450 degrees and pull back his back muscles with greasy fingers to plunge portions of him in their fat mouths. not even for that, will he be rescued. so he will instead die here. as we have died many times before, the murder weapon being sand, and Sleep being red-handed. grab the chalk (mark my words.) outline his disformed contours. those who stumble upon this crime scene will think only that children had scrawled playfully these lines. they will here see something beautiful and innocent where only you&i will know there was once such violence. and so we commit these thoughts to the earth. ashes and all that. may this Fragmentation rest in (one) piece.
--------------------------------------------
ONE: last night
i am missing pieces of my skin. my best guess is that they came
unhinged under guitar strings when the tips fell pick-less.
the cutical is cracked with dry blood. the soft pink meaty endoderm
senses everything as cold. i gave handshakes and hugs all night
anyways. even with a missing limb, we had fun. my knees and back
saw more of the floor than my feet. four on the floor times three.
plus paul. and how many singing "remember youre in love"?
yes, at/with times like these, i am in love.
thank you for letting us play. thank you for letting me borrow your
guitar cabinet. thank you for sticking around late. thank you for
singing along. thank you for picking up the mic stands. thank you
for picking up danny. thank you for fixing my strap. thank you for
all your support.
------------------------------
TWO: about three weeks ago.
im ready for summer: this afternoon i took a nap on north campus
in the grass. it was so fresh and thick. more comfortable than my
bed. i should have been reading. or studying spanish. or going to
lit class. but those were all periphreal to my focus today: sunshine.
everything was so beautiful. so wizard-of-oz'ed. vivid color coming
from the black and white and grey dreariness this past week.
-------------------------
i want cuteinathens. fingers thru short hair. sitting in the grass
every day at lunch time. picnicking when i have the afternoon off from
work. a daycare? "i want to swim with children. i want hair like water."
finding home at the radio station. making long walks into late nights
and early mornings. midnight swimming with my friends. i want that.
i want to make songs by the Secret Stars into diaries.
editors note: done and done.
------------------------------
THREE: sometime two weeks ago.
back back back that ass up. from the post office. from the tate center.
from the big dead little bitty baby billboards. wake and walk and talk
and take. give.
---------------------------
give:
i saw Matt Weekly on north campus. lying in the grass like he was born
there. like he was always supposed to be a part of the scenery. with,
who i assumed was, his girlfriend. lovely girl. matt deserves it. i was
on my way to wuxtry to find this 48th issue of cometbus that i had been
hearing about. only five minutes before, i had run into diana, holding
the rumored issue. and only the night before i had received an email
from a girl in california asking me if i would bootleg her a copy of
fortyfour. crazy.
so i stopped and talked and matt+one. handshake, handshake. and on my
way. the gods were on my side for once. several issues of 48, as well
as back issues of fortyseven. two for four dollars and twentyfour cents.
dropped one copy off with matt on my way back. i thought he would enjoy
it. & thats what its all about. sharing zines, and art, and music.
sharing in general.
---------------------------
i saw matt again, just now, now being several hours ago, at the tate
center. he was talking to the prolife people at tate. i jumped in only
to tell the "i'm-apposed-to-cruelty-against-animals-too woman" that
eating them is, indeed, an act of cruelty. i didnt jump in on the abortion
debate. im no longer sure how i feel about either side.
i do know that god didnt give us animals to eat.
"and thats a fact" (thanks judy grahn.)
so matt and i escaped. slumped our shoulders at the closed post office.
walked back out to the bus stop. handshake, handshake. and i was on my way
back to the radio station. to turn right back around and meet noah to
inspect our new place.
---------------------------------
"mary, there is no hope for us ... we might as well lay down and die."
---------------------------------
seven days ago my room was six burly guys in need of a shower. four on the
floor. minus one for the bed. and high fives for the road before ten AM.
late night laughter with dirty jokes from pennsylvania.
dirty dirty dirty.
------------------------------------------
FOUR: a few nights ago
saul williams "lalala" sounds much like Blackalicious' "sky came falling."
or the other way around...
---------------------------------
Feral303: what color of eyes?
ThsBoysEmo: i was thinknig about this today. i dont really care, but blue
is nice. or are we talking about mine? oh no. im not sure
ThsBoysEmo: we were supposed to know this for bio lab today too
ThsBoysEmo: we are studying genes
Feral303: lol..you dont know your eye color?
ThsBoysEmo: and dominence
ThsBoysEmo: if i had to gues i would say they are sort of hazel
ThsBoysEmo: i think i wrote that somewhere
ThsBoysEmo: yeah, lets go with hazel
Feral303: your last entry
ThsBoysEmo: hells bells
Feral303: okie..hazel it be.
ThsBoysEmo: (my grandmothers name was hazel, and she said hells bells all the time)
ThsBoysEmo: (poetic to me)
ThsBoysEmo: i tangent so freely. let keep going
Feral303: ...thats (this is corny)..beautiful
-------------------------------------------
good bye dear friend. i will rest flowers on your grave. and sing songs to remember you by.
xoxo
--------------------------------------------
ONE: last night
i am missing pieces of my skin. my best guess is that they came
unhinged under guitar strings when the tips fell pick-less.
the cutical is cracked with dry blood. the soft pink meaty endoderm
senses everything as cold. i gave handshakes and hugs all night
anyways. even with a missing limb, we had fun. my knees and back
saw more of the floor than my feet. four on the floor times three.
plus paul. and how many singing "remember youre in love"?
yes, at/with times like these, i am in love.
thank you for letting us play. thank you for letting me borrow your
guitar cabinet. thank you for sticking around late. thank you for
singing along. thank you for picking up the mic stands. thank you
for picking up danny. thank you for fixing my strap. thank you for
all your support.
------------------------------
TWO: about three weeks ago.
im ready for summer: this afternoon i took a nap on north campus
in the grass. it was so fresh and thick. more comfortable than my
bed. i should have been reading. or studying spanish. or going to
lit class. but those were all periphreal to my focus today: sunshine.
everything was so beautiful. so wizard-of-oz'ed. vivid color coming
from the black and white and grey dreariness this past week.
-------------------------
i want cuteinathens. fingers thru short hair. sitting in the grass
every day at lunch time. picnicking when i have the afternoon off from
work. a daycare? "i want to swim with children. i want hair like water."
finding home at the radio station. making long walks into late nights
and early mornings. midnight swimming with my friends. i want that.
i want to make songs by the Secret Stars into diaries.
editors note: done and done.
------------------------------
THREE: sometime two weeks ago.
back back back that ass up. from the post office. from the tate center.
from the big dead little bitty baby billboards. wake and walk and talk
and take. give.
---------------------------
give:
i saw Matt Weekly on north campus. lying in the grass like he was born
there. like he was always supposed to be a part of the scenery. with,
who i assumed was, his girlfriend. lovely girl. matt deserves it. i was
on my way to wuxtry to find this 48th issue of cometbus that i had been
hearing about. only five minutes before, i had run into diana, holding
the rumored issue. and only the night before i had received an email
from a girl in california asking me if i would bootleg her a copy of
fortyfour. crazy.
so i stopped and talked and matt+one. handshake, handshake. and on my
way. the gods were on my side for once. several issues of 48, as well
as back issues of fortyseven. two for four dollars and twentyfour cents.
dropped one copy off with matt on my way back. i thought he would enjoy
it. & thats what its all about. sharing zines, and art, and music.
sharing in general.
---------------------------
i saw matt again, just now, now being several hours ago, at the tate
center. he was talking to the prolife people at tate. i jumped in only
to tell the "i'm-apposed-to-cruelty-against-animals-too woman" that
eating them is, indeed, an act of cruelty. i didnt jump in on the abortion
debate. im no longer sure how i feel about either side.
i do know that god didnt give us animals to eat.
"and thats a fact" (thanks judy grahn.)
so matt and i escaped. slumped our shoulders at the closed post office.
walked back out to the bus stop. handshake, handshake. and i was on my way
back to the radio station. to turn right back around and meet noah to
inspect our new place.
---------------------------------
"mary, there is no hope for us ... we might as well lay down and die."
---------------------------------
seven days ago my room was six burly guys in need of a shower. four on the
floor. minus one for the bed. and high fives for the road before ten AM.
late night laughter with dirty jokes from pennsylvania.
dirty dirty dirty.
------------------------------------------
FOUR: a few nights ago
saul williams "lalala" sounds much like Blackalicious' "sky came falling."
or the other way around...
---------------------------------
Feral303: what color of eyes?
ThsBoysEmo: i was thinknig about this today. i dont really care, but blue
is nice. or are we talking about mine? oh no. im not sure
ThsBoysEmo: we were supposed to know this for bio lab today too
ThsBoysEmo: we are studying genes
Feral303: lol..you dont know your eye color?
ThsBoysEmo: and dominence
ThsBoysEmo: if i had to gues i would say they are sort of hazel
ThsBoysEmo: i think i wrote that somewhere
ThsBoysEmo: yeah, lets go with hazel
Feral303: your last entry
ThsBoysEmo: hells bells
Feral303: okie..hazel it be.
ThsBoysEmo: (my grandmothers name was hazel, and she said hells bells all the time)
ThsBoysEmo: (poetic to me)
ThsBoysEmo: i tangent so freely. let keep going
Feral303: ...thats (this is corny)..beautiful
-------------------------------------------
good bye dear friend. i will rest flowers on your grave. and sing songs to remember you by.
xoxo