(no subject)
There's this one girl I am in like with.
She has shut me down. But I like her, a lot, as close as you can get to using the like word before it becomes love.
I have a tiny bit of a chance but I don't want to go for it because I'm as scared of getting hurt as much as she is in getting hurt again.
All I know is her last boyfriend cared maybe too little and I care maybe too much. Typical. There's a hundred playlists I've thought of making cd's of in the past couple years to send her. There's poems I've memorized and novels I've read that I feel encapsulate how I feel.
I should learn to move on, or I should have, but I didn't. I'm a sap. But the one thing I'm not going to be anymore is a sap with regret. So I'll climb on a cross and feel like an idiot and sacrifice my dignity and get hurt and it's going to be great. Because I'll finally know that it's okay to be tragically hurt and I can find that next great love to discover.
There's an ambiguity to LJ that appeases me at this late hour. There's an anonymity to those who read this that I love. But there's one person who won't read this and honestly, I'm ok with it. I just hope she knows at some point how much I care.
She has shut me down. But I like her, a lot, as close as you can get to using the like word before it becomes love.
I have a tiny bit of a chance but I don't want to go for it because I'm as scared of getting hurt as much as she is in getting hurt again.
All I know is her last boyfriend cared maybe too little and I care maybe too much. Typical. There's a hundred playlists I've thought of making cd's of in the past couple years to send her. There's poems I've memorized and novels I've read that I feel encapsulate how I feel.
I should learn to move on, or I should have, but I didn't. I'm a sap. But the one thing I'm not going to be anymore is a sap with regret. So I'll climb on a cross and feel like an idiot and sacrifice my dignity and get hurt and it's going to be great. Because I'll finally know that it's okay to be tragically hurt and I can find that next great love to discover.
There's an ambiguity to LJ that appeases me at this late hour. There's an anonymity to those who read this that I love. But there's one person who won't read this and honestly, I'm ok with it. I just hope she knows at some point how much I care.