First Loves, re-edited 2nd, time
Why do we do this to ourselves? You know the feeling. They’ve pushed you, made you feel pain nothing physical could ever cause you to feel, they’ve made you cry just that one last time. Ah, first loves. We just can not seem to get away from them. We try and we try to get them out of our lives (at least most of us do) but we never seem to be able to push them away hard enough; but as the years pass and I grow just a little more mature and just a little more wise, I’m starting to wonder, is it that we’re not pushing them away hard enough because we can’t or because we don’t want to?
I met my first love when I was a freshman in high school. I went to a friend’s house one night and in the middle of eating dinner, I looked up, and there was the most perfect guy in the world. I literally held my breath the exact first moment I saw him. That night was the beginning of it all. It seemed like I was above the clouds. After the getting to know each other period, things seemed to start to fall apart; fights happened all the time. Since that night almost five years ago, Chad* and I have had one of the most turbulent relationships in the history of relationships.
It seems like first there’s love, then there’s fights, and then there’s tears. So, my question is, why do we do this to ourselves? We meet the person of our dreams, supposedly. And then we realize that they aren’t who we really want them to be. We really want to change them and mold them into someone perfect, but we can’t and that’s when the fights start. Breaking up seems to last for a few hours, or at the most, a few days, but someone usually comes crawling back; begging forgiveness. We just can’t seem to stay undone. It’s like that old saying, “Can’t live with them, but can’t live without them either.”
So what do we do? Do we let go of someone who has at some point in our lives meant the world to us? Or do we keep fighting and keep struggling to keep afloat within the waters of relationship hell? All I personally want is the opportunity to resolve issues that have been going on for five years. And maybe that’s what we all want and what we all need. We don’t need or want our first loves in our lives, we just want to be able to tell to them all the feelings we had about them when we first met them and how they eventually made us feel like crap.
Ok, so if I got what I wanted and everyone else got what they wanted, what then? Would the world be rid of first loves? Would everyone be able to move on with their lives and forgive and forget? Would we realize how dumb we were and move on to more mature relationships? If all of that did happen, wouldn’t the world be a pretty boring place? Wouldn’t the paths to finding our real soul mates feel just a little incomplete, a little too easy? Life wouldn’t be the same if we didn’t have our first loves to laugh about, cry about, and eventually say, “I can’t believe I ever did that,” about. First loves are apart of our lives now and forever; no matter how hard we fight against them.
*Name has been changed.
I met my first love when I was a freshman in high school. I went to a friend’s house one night and in the middle of eating dinner, I looked up, and there was the most perfect guy in the world. I literally held my breath the exact first moment I saw him. That night was the beginning of it all. It seemed like I was above the clouds. After the getting to know each other period, things seemed to start to fall apart; fights happened all the time. Since that night almost five years ago, Chad* and I have had one of the most turbulent relationships in the history of relationships.
It seems like first there’s love, then there’s fights, and then there’s tears. So, my question is, why do we do this to ourselves? We meet the person of our dreams, supposedly. And then we realize that they aren’t who we really want them to be. We really want to change them and mold them into someone perfect, but we can’t and that’s when the fights start. Breaking up seems to last for a few hours, or at the most, a few days, but someone usually comes crawling back; begging forgiveness. We just can’t seem to stay undone. It’s like that old saying, “Can’t live with them, but can’t live without them either.”
So what do we do? Do we let go of someone who has at some point in our lives meant the world to us? Or do we keep fighting and keep struggling to keep afloat within the waters of relationship hell? All I personally want is the opportunity to resolve issues that have been going on for five years. And maybe that’s what we all want and what we all need. We don’t need or want our first loves in our lives, we just want to be able to tell to them all the feelings we had about them when we first met them and how they eventually made us feel like crap.
Ok, so if I got what I wanted and everyone else got what they wanted, what then? Would the world be rid of first loves? Would everyone be able to move on with their lives and forgive and forget? Would we realize how dumb we were and move on to more mature relationships? If all of that did happen, wouldn’t the world be a pretty boring place? Wouldn’t the paths to finding our real soul mates feel just a little incomplete, a little too easy? Life wouldn’t be the same if we didn’t have our first loves to laugh about, cry about, and eventually say, “I can’t believe I ever did that,” about. First loves are apart of our lives now and forever; no matter how hard we fight against them.
*Name has been changed.