[fail private to Remus]

[why_so_me]

Hey, Remus.

...when you get a chance, is it okay if I talk to you?

Nothing urgent, I just -- there's some things I want to say.

Comments

[why_so_me]

[Sirius is looking at the ground, though he can tell Remus must be looking at him expectantly. He feels awkward as hell, but he knows he needs to say this.]

I just...about what happened. With Snape and the Shack, and everything. [He swallows, and he seems to try and say everything without stopping to breathe, as if pausing might mean he'd lose his nerve.] I'm just...I'm sorry, I am so sorry. It was stupid and awful and I shouldn't have done it, but mostly I shouldn't have done it to you, and -- and I'm not going to try to make excuses for doing it, because there aren't any.

And I'm not asking you to forgive me or even want to talk to me again, because I know I screwed up worse than I've ever screwed up before. But you deserved an apology and I wanted to say it to you in person if you'd let me. Especially because -- I mean, out of anybody, the last person I would want to hurt was you, and then I did this, and I realized how fucking terrible that was to do to you, and -- and I totally understand if you don't want to talk or be friends or anything, really, after all this.

[lycanthropy_101]

[Remus stands back and lets Sirius finish his thoughts, knowing the other boy has to ramble to get his point across before he should speak up himself. When he finally finds the break, he makes his move]

You're right. You shouldn't have done it. To anyone. And you should be sorry and apologizing. But... God help me, Sirius. [He sighs] I've already forgiven you, you know. I wouldn't be here if I didn't.

Excuse the threadjack

[quidditch_stag]

[There's a loud YES from outside at those words. James has been listening at the door.]

[why_so_me]

[There's a pause where Sirius seems motionless, still looking away. But then he turns to look at Remus and meet his eyes, looking both hesitant and hopeful at the same time.]

...really?

[lycanthropy_101]

Yes, really. [Remus takes in a breath, letting out slowly]

We. Things aren't going to be the same as they used to be. It'll take me a while until I can really trust you the way I did before. But forgive you... [Remus shrugs] I've already forgiven you, Sirius. And have for a while now.

[why_so_me]

[There is a small, suicidal part of Sirius' brain that wants to hug Remus so much for saying all that. But he holds back, because Remus is right, things aren't the same as they used to be.]

Thank you. Thank you... [His voice is small, tight, because he didn't expect this to be so easy and he doesn't really know if he deserves to have Remus be so nice to him.] And I really am just -- I'm so sorry.

[lycanthropy_101]

[Remus shakes his head] I know you are. And I'm sorry that I can't just bounce back from something like that, but I can't. But I'm more concerned about you right now.

[He pauses, looking Sirius in the eyes] How are you, Sirius? I mean. Really. How are you doing?

[why_so_me]

You shouldn't apologize to me for anything, Moony. Really.

[He smiles a tiny bit] I'm doing great. Much, much better now that I'm here.

[lycanthropy_101]

[Remus raises an eyebrow] Really? [He steps closer to the other boy, speaking softly so that they won't be overheard, should someone listen in] You know you don't have to lie to me, Sirius. I'm not going to tell James if you're still a little shaky about things. You did just run away from home, after all...

[why_so_me]

[His smile falters only a tiny bit. He is better with James' family, happier there than he was at home. But there were moments when he realized that, holy shit, he had left his home and his family and that there wasn't any going back -- he knew his parents had probably blasted his face off of the family tree.]

It's...I'm adjusting, I guess. [He tries to shrug nonchalantly, glancing away for a moment.] But it's better here than at home.

[lycanthropy_101]

[Remus nods. He knows that it's not the other boy's favorite topic, but he wants to know, make sure]

Do you have everything you need here? I mean. For school, and all. [He isn't sure how much Sirius could have grabbed to take with him when he ran away, after all]

[why_so_me]

[Sirius shakes his head.]

James is loaning me some things, but I'm going to need to go to Diagon Alley before the school year starts. I didn't grab much when I left.

[lycanthropy_101]

Yeah, I understand. You probably only grabbed the bare essentials of what you could carry. [And whatever important items he has sentimentally, but Remus doesn't know what those might be]

Sirius... [Remus steps forward, moving to put a hand on the other's shoulder] You did a very brave thing, getting yourself out of a situation like that.

[why_so_me]

[Sirius smiles the tiniest bit at the small, comforting contact. Lord, he's missed Remus, and part of him wants to just pull him into a bear hug and never let go.] Dunno. Not sure 'running away' and 'brave' necessarily line up together.

[lycanthropy_101]

Having the courage to get yourself out of an abusive relationship, even if it is your family, is one of the bravest things I can think of, Sirius. [Remus just wants to hug Sirius too. Even if he hasn't forgiven him, he's there for him, and he wants to be there for him. He didn't like not talking for as long as they did. So after a moment, he steps forward, and does exactly that, putting his arms around the other boy, needing the contact as much as Sirius himself probably needs it]

[why_so_me]

[For a moment, Sirius pauses, surprised by the gesture. But he quickly returns the hug, wrapping his arms tightly around the other boy and resisting the urge to rest his forehead on the other's shoulder. If Remus is willing to embrace him, then he'll savor it for as long as he can.]