the scare...
Whoa. Let me just say my life has been seriously seriously crazy and messy this past week. And I don't handle stress very well. In fact I think I do more harm then necessary in a stressful situation. I worry, worry, worry. But usually I never have a worry any bigger then "I wonder if he likes me" or "Do I look silly in these pants?" lol. This week was so different.
Well, while we were off for x-mas vaca my Dad found this lump in his leg. So my Mom brought him to the doctors and she told him to go see this surgeon to take a look at it. Now, him going to the surgeon wasn't a big deal... at all to me. I just figured she'd come back and say well it looks like you bumped it really hard or something. Silly Erin I guess. So on the Saturday before we came back to school my parents were talking after they came from the surgeons and I was listening in and I heard them say something like Oh, I really hope it isn't that. And so concerned of course I asked isn't what? Another stupid move. Why did I ask them? Why? Why? Why? Turns out the doctor said it could be one of three things; cat scratch fever, an infected lymph node, or worse... lymphoma ( an incurable form of cancer in the lymph nodes.) Now I knew he had a good shot here, because well we have Cats, but I was still so nervous. Extremely extremely nervous. All I could do was think about it. For the past couple of days all I have been doing is worrying and crying and most of all PRAYING that wasn't what it was. You don't think that can happen to anyone you love, you know? I just remember thinking to myself, what if? What would I do if that was the case? I knew I wasn't strong enough for that. I don't know if I'll ever be strong enough to deal with anyone I love dying. Who is though? I was so worried I couldn't sleep. I couldn't think about anything but that. It ran through my mind like nothing I've ever known before. I didn't even talk about it with alot of people because honestly it is sometimes hard to even think about a thought that painful. I know that sounds dramatic and corny but in reality this was one of the most intense feelings I've ever had.
Anyways, today I was so tired because last night I was up thinking about everything as well as the day before that and the day before that. Yeah, so I was exhausted mentally and physically. I felt like crying the whole day because I was so worried. Today when I got home noone was here and I called my Mom and I just let everything out. She was like everything will be okay Erin no matter what the outcome and she told me that she was worried too but I should try to take my mind off of it. Ironically right when I got off the phone with my mom the doctor called and asked if my dad was in, and I said no. I got really nervous like omg what if his blood count came back and he didn't have cat scratch fever and he is still under the suspiscion of lymphoma. So I gave her my mom's work number and she called her. About 5 minutes later my Mom called and told me that he had Cat Scratch Fever.
I have never ever been so grateful in all of my life...ever! I never even knew how much I loved my cats until now. lol I'm so amazed by all that I've taken advantage of. How stupid am I? Life is way too short. I will never take advantage of my parents again. When I think of every time I've been mad at them and said something stupid like I hate you I just feel like such a terrible person. I guess this was just a really valuable lesson and that I got lucky. Never ever take anyone for granted. Don't ever take one day for granted, because in a split second *e v e r y t h i n g* can change.
*Peace and Love Everyone,
E r I n =)
Well, while we were off for x-mas vaca my Dad found this lump in his leg. So my Mom brought him to the doctors and she told him to go see this surgeon to take a look at it. Now, him going to the surgeon wasn't a big deal... at all to me. I just figured she'd come back and say well it looks like you bumped it really hard or something. Silly Erin I guess. So on the Saturday before we came back to school my parents were talking after they came from the surgeons and I was listening in and I heard them say something like Oh, I really hope it isn't that. And so concerned of course I asked isn't what? Another stupid move. Why did I ask them? Why? Why? Why? Turns out the doctor said it could be one of three things; cat scratch fever, an infected lymph node, or worse... lymphoma ( an incurable form of cancer in the lymph nodes.) Now I knew he had a good shot here, because well we have Cats, but I was still so nervous. Extremely extremely nervous. All I could do was think about it. For the past couple of days all I have been doing is worrying and crying and most of all PRAYING that wasn't what it was. You don't think that can happen to anyone you love, you know? I just remember thinking to myself, what if? What would I do if that was the case? I knew I wasn't strong enough for that. I don't know if I'll ever be strong enough to deal with anyone I love dying. Who is though? I was so worried I couldn't sleep. I couldn't think about anything but that. It ran through my mind like nothing I've ever known before. I didn't even talk about it with alot of people because honestly it is sometimes hard to even think about a thought that painful. I know that sounds dramatic and corny but in reality this was one of the most intense feelings I've ever had.
Anyways, today I was so tired because last night I was up thinking about everything as well as the day before that and the day before that. Yeah, so I was exhausted mentally and physically. I felt like crying the whole day because I was so worried. Today when I got home noone was here and I called my Mom and I just let everything out. She was like everything will be okay Erin no matter what the outcome and she told me that she was worried too but I should try to take my mind off of it. Ironically right when I got off the phone with my mom the doctor called and asked if my dad was in, and I said no. I got really nervous like omg what if his blood count came back and he didn't have cat scratch fever and he is still under the suspiscion of lymphoma. So I gave her my mom's work number and she called her. About 5 minutes later my Mom called and told me that he had Cat Scratch Fever.
I have never ever been so grateful in all of my life...ever! I never even knew how much I loved my cats until now. lol I'm so amazed by all that I've taken advantage of. How stupid am I? Life is way too short. I will never take advantage of my parents again. When I think of every time I've been mad at them and said something stupid like I hate you I just feel like such a terrible person. I guess this was just a really valuable lesson and that I got lucky. Never ever take anyone for granted. Don't ever take one day for granted, because in a split second *e v e r y t h i n g* can change.
*Peace and Love Everyone,
E r I n =)