Rendition
Although, I don't think they're gonna be too long of ramblings tonight. Perhaps, though.
So, this new mortality of Jack's? It's KILLING me! Cause I had...I hate to say I'd gotten used to him dying, but of course I had. That's not to say that every single time didn't make my heart ache and my fingers twitch to comfort him or beat the ever living shit out of whoever had hurt him, but of course just like everyone else I'm well used to our Jack dying on a disturbingly routine basis.
Tonight, with the poison? I felt like my heart was gonna beat out of my chest, and I'm sitting here like, biting the crap out of my hand and wishing they could work faster and wanting to torture that damn woman for what she did to him and...
It's horrible and funny and interesting all at once...I'm desperate for them to fix this, not because the people all over the world in pain need to be able to die. I mean, that's true, and that's a good reason, but my foremost one? Jack is still afraid of death, just like any man. He doesn't want to die, and more than that I guess...I certainly don't want him to die. I mean, it's silly to worry too much I guess...we've seen his future in Doctor Who after all. But still. STILL. It scares me, and I want this fixed so that Jack will be alright. After all, futures can be changed...
but I guess it's just kind of funny, but how it's I always feel in RL about people I care about....damn the world, so long as they'll be ok. Everyone else can go to hell, so long as Jack ends up alright. I know HE wouldn't feel that way...but I do. I love him so much, and that itself adds a little more to it, because that's the mark of a fucking amazing character. I freaking love this show.
I gotta say, though, tonight Gwen showed that she's still...well, Gwen. I could've decked her when she was essentially yelling at Jack for ever being involved in her life THEN (within about 5 seconds) for being gone. I wanted to be like "Ok, both of these are ludicrous, but make up your friggin mind!". T.T But, she saved him, and for that...:/ she saved him, at least, and she held on to him when he was in pain. Things to be grateful for.
Oswald Danes...I'm very torn. There's two conflicting sides of me here, and they're warring hard.
Side One is the bloody vigilante, the side of me that's all war and assassinations and righteous fury and vengeance. that part of me wants to see him in excruciating fucking agony for the rest of his existence until he's capable of dying again.
Side Two is the part of me that always forgives, and that always wants to believe in second chances. Because of everything that happened to me, if I have any reason to even suspect someone is really sorry for something, I will always forgive them completely and things will be perfectly ok again. Always. so there's that part of me that saw him crying and just wanted to...to run and kneel by his chair and tell him it was ok, that we'd figure something out, that he could have protection from the mobs.
But those two parts, they're pretty much equal in strength. I both want to see him tortured and I want to see him redeemed, because I'm just not sure where the road really goes. I'm not sure if he's REALLY sorry, but if he is? He deserves a shot. And if he's not, if he's conning everyone, then he deserves to have a little bit extra pain added to an already painful torture.
Right, well...I'm falling asleep at the computer screen. Think it's time for me to call this one quits.
Night.