Paying Tribute To My Hero:
I haven't talked about him so much on here, but my hero? He's been my hero since 2009, and though he means more to me than I could honestly ever hope to put into words, with this, I tried.
I wrote this originally on fb to go with a picture I posted as my profile pic today since it was his birthday, but I thought I'd post it here, too.
I didn't make this picture(it's from a secrets journal), but for me it couldn't be more true. And not only is he my hero, he's my greatest inspiration.
He's the reason this once painfully shy girl can speak without hesitation in front of not only strangers but full rooms.
He's the reason I don't look away anymore when I laugh too loud or say the 'wrong' thing and draw attention to myself from people I don't know.
He's the reason I stand up for myself, speak up when before I would've kept my mouth shut.
He's the reason I believe in my writing more deeply than ever, because he taught me that if we have the gift for any kind of art, it's not only our right but our duty to get it out there.
Because of him, it doesn't bother me anymore that sometimes, yeah I'm gonna get depressed. It's just the way I am. I feel things really strongly, and some fucking high highs and low lows come with that...but some people are just like that. Or like he says, it's ok to be fucked up, because there's four other guys up here telling you that they're just as fucked up as you are, and together, we may be something separate, but that's fucking alright. Being an emotional person doesn't mean there's something 'wrong' with you, and it doesn't mean you need to medicate your feelings into submission. It's just a part of you.
He showed me how to accept and even revel in the fact that I will never be cool. Neither is he. But he doesn't want it, because it's not being true to yourself, it's just conforming, fitting the world's mold. Some people, they enjoy that. But he doesn't, and neither do I.
I bled less, because of him. Take it however you will, and you'll probably be right. There are things I've done, and things I'll never do again because if EVER disappointed him, made him feel like he failed...if I did something that would cause that, and he SOMEHOW found out, I'd never forgive myself. But beyond that, he taught me a better way, a dozen better ways. Art is the weapon, and it's truly catharsis. If you pour what's wrong into your art, you don't have to take it out on yourself.
He taught me to trust him, at a time when I didn't believe in trust as anything other than a weapon. He tells the MCRmy, "stand up fucking tall, don't let them see your back and take my fucking hand and never be afraid again", and once you realize he's honestly holding that hand out to help you up, you take it and hold on for all you're worth. He calls, "And would you stay, right here? Did I tell you? Someone out there loves you; stay with me." He promises, "Even if you stop believing in us, we'll never stop believing in you." He calls us friends he hasn't always yet met, he connects with us, he goes out of his way to make sure we know he needs us, know he loves us and he's got our fucking backs, and that he knows we have his. No, it's not normal. It's just how he is.
Because of him, it doesn't get me down when people are jerks. Because sure, someone's gonna be an asshole to you. A lot of someones are gonna be an asshole to you. But they don't matter. You hold your head up, look 'em right in the eye and say "Fuck off" if it makes you feel better, but at the end of the day, all you need to do is survive, actually, THRIVE. "Be yourself, don't take any shit, and never let them take you alive."
He's the reason I do a hundred little things, from the way I say 'motherfucker' when I drop something to the fact that I drink coffee some mornings and eat Lucky Charms.
He taught me to never lose hope. It doesn't matter if you're held up at gunpoint, if you watched the towers fall and listened to people around you scream and cry and plead, it doesn't matter if you're so low you can't see a single light. Because he made it through all of that, and he came out shining. "There was a time I wanted to kill myself, and another time I was close to that, but even at my most jaded, I always had hope." From I learned that if he could do it, so can we. So could I. Hope, even if you're hanging on with your fingers bleeding in the pitch black dark, because sooner or later, you're going to find the strength to haul yourself up, and you need to still be hanging there when that point comes.
He's the reason I no longer feel out of place. Because I know that somewhere, I fit. "Even if the only place you fit in is at a show like this, we all fit somewhere in this world and we all belong in this world, do you fucking understand?!" I do, now. "Thank you, for being in this band." He includes us, always...because that's how it is. Together, he says we're invincible, everyone in the room when they're with us. The more I learn and the stronger I get, the more I think he's not wrong.
Before, I had horrible self esteem. Lots of times it hardly existent. But I heard him say, "You're bigger than them, you're better than them, and goddamn it, you're much better looking!" and he made me smile, but beyond that, he made me start to believe. "Hey girls, you're beautiful! I don't care what the world says, I don't care if you're a size 28, you're fucking beautiful!" When he sees people, he SEES people. And he teaches us that people who can't do that don't matter. He's unafraid. "Just cause you're faster than me, just cause you're smarter than me, just cause you drive a better car than me does not mean, no way no how, I am sucking you off for any amount of money!" And I started to believe that I was really worth something, because HE believed it.
Learning from his example, I learned that it really doesn't matter when people talk shit about you. Don't try to change who you are for the morons who seem to have a problem with it, because in all likelihood, they probably just can't understand you and never will. Keep being yourself, act like you can't hear them and go on. "Keep running."
He saved my life, in every way a person's life can be saved. Yeah, there's a good chance I wouldn't be here if he hadn't been here to break my fall, but it's also deeper than that. He showed me how to stop being afraid of living, how to meet it head on with burning desire instead. "I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone." He made me see the world through new eyes. I am so much more than I spent most of my life thinking I was...I'm stronger, brighter...I'm not perfect by any means, but I can survive just about anything and come out standing tall, and I'm not sure I ever would have learned that about myself if he hadn't been there for me to lean on until I realized it. "I'm the only friend that makes you cry, you're a heart attack in black hair dye, so just save yourself and I'll hold them back tonight...ah, are you ready where you are? Could you save yourself tonight? Cause I'm comin' for you. We could leave this world, leave it all behind, we could steal this car if your folks don't mind, we could live forever if you've got the time."
He's my hero, my lifeline, my inspiration, my muse, my commander("You are not a cult, but a fucking army!"), my comfort, my shot of energy when my reserves are on empty, and my... Yeah. My friend. He calls us friends, and he's always seemed to prefer we do the same. (on what happens when he meets fans:) "We usually thank each other first. They say thank you, and I say thank you, and then we just talk, about whatever."
In case you don't know him, he's Gerard Arthur Way, 34 years old today, and I owe him a debt greater than I could ever hope to possibly repay. Fortunately, he doesn't ask for anything from us that we aren't already providing, but that doesn't mean I don't still wish I could give it.
And no matter how many people out there seem to have a problem with him and with the band, I'll always proudly proclaim that he's my hero, because he means more to me than I could ever fully express.
"Everyone should love themselves...like I love you all." Love you too, G Way. Always. Thanks for everything. See you in 1 month, 1 day. And even though I won't have time to tell you all this then? Maybe I can say thanks. And if I don't get the chance for that, I trust you, remember? I'll be right there, front row. I know you'll see it in my eyes.
I wrote this originally on fb to go with a picture I posted as my profile pic today since it was his birthday, but I thought I'd post it here, too.
I didn't make this picture(it's from a secrets journal), but for me it couldn't be more true. And not only is he my hero, he's my greatest inspiration.
He's the reason this once painfully shy girl can speak without hesitation in front of not only strangers but full rooms.
He's the reason I don't look away anymore when I laugh too loud or say the 'wrong' thing and draw attention to myself from people I don't know.
He's the reason I stand up for myself, speak up when before I would've kept my mouth shut.
He's the reason I believe in my writing more deeply than ever, because he taught me that if we have the gift for any kind of art, it's not only our right but our duty to get it out there.
Because of him, it doesn't bother me anymore that sometimes, yeah I'm gonna get depressed. It's just the way I am. I feel things really strongly, and some fucking high highs and low lows come with that...but some people are just like that. Or like he says, it's ok to be fucked up, because there's four other guys up here telling you that they're just as fucked up as you are, and together, we may be something separate, but that's fucking alright. Being an emotional person doesn't mean there's something 'wrong' with you, and it doesn't mean you need to medicate your feelings into submission. It's just a part of you.
He showed me how to accept and even revel in the fact that I will never be cool. Neither is he. But he doesn't want it, because it's not being true to yourself, it's just conforming, fitting the world's mold. Some people, they enjoy that. But he doesn't, and neither do I.
I bled less, because of him. Take it however you will, and you'll probably be right. There are things I've done, and things I'll never do again because if EVER disappointed him, made him feel like he failed...if I did something that would cause that, and he SOMEHOW found out, I'd never forgive myself. But beyond that, he taught me a better way, a dozen better ways. Art is the weapon, and it's truly catharsis. If you pour what's wrong into your art, you don't have to take it out on yourself.
He taught me to trust him, at a time when I didn't believe in trust as anything other than a weapon. He tells the MCRmy, "stand up fucking tall, don't let them see your back and take my fucking hand and never be afraid again", and once you realize he's honestly holding that hand out to help you up, you take it and hold on for all you're worth. He calls, "And would you stay, right here? Did I tell you? Someone out there loves you; stay with me." He promises, "Even if you stop believing in us, we'll never stop believing in you." He calls us friends he hasn't always yet met, he connects with us, he goes out of his way to make sure we know he needs us, know he loves us and he's got our fucking backs, and that he knows we have his. No, it's not normal. It's just how he is.
Because of him, it doesn't get me down when people are jerks. Because sure, someone's gonna be an asshole to you. A lot of someones are gonna be an asshole to you. But they don't matter. You hold your head up, look 'em right in the eye and say "Fuck off" if it makes you feel better, but at the end of the day, all you need to do is survive, actually, THRIVE. "Be yourself, don't take any shit, and never let them take you alive."
He's the reason I do a hundred little things, from the way I say 'motherfucker' when I drop something to the fact that I drink coffee some mornings and eat Lucky Charms.
He taught me to never lose hope. It doesn't matter if you're held up at gunpoint, if you watched the towers fall and listened to people around you scream and cry and plead, it doesn't matter if you're so low you can't see a single light. Because he made it through all of that, and he came out shining. "There was a time I wanted to kill myself, and another time I was close to that, but even at my most jaded, I always had hope." From I learned that if he could do it, so can we. So could I. Hope, even if you're hanging on with your fingers bleeding in the pitch black dark, because sooner or later, you're going to find the strength to haul yourself up, and you need to still be hanging there when that point comes.
He's the reason I no longer feel out of place. Because I know that somewhere, I fit. "Even if the only place you fit in is at a show like this, we all fit somewhere in this world and we all belong in this world, do you fucking understand?!" I do, now. "Thank you, for being in this band." He includes us, always...because that's how it is. Together, he says we're invincible, everyone in the room when they're with us. The more I learn and the stronger I get, the more I think he's not wrong.
Before, I had horrible self esteem. Lots of times it hardly existent. But I heard him say, "You're bigger than them, you're better than them, and goddamn it, you're much better looking!" and he made me smile, but beyond that, he made me start to believe. "Hey girls, you're beautiful! I don't care what the world says, I don't care if you're a size 28, you're fucking beautiful!" When he sees people, he SEES people. And he teaches us that people who can't do that don't matter. He's unafraid. "Just cause you're faster than me, just cause you're smarter than me, just cause you drive a better car than me does not mean, no way no how, I am sucking you off for any amount of money!" And I started to believe that I was really worth something, because HE believed it.
Learning from his example, I learned that it really doesn't matter when people talk shit about you. Don't try to change who you are for the morons who seem to have a problem with it, because in all likelihood, they probably just can't understand you and never will. Keep being yourself, act like you can't hear them and go on. "Keep running."
He saved my life, in every way a person's life can be saved. Yeah, there's a good chance I wouldn't be here if he hadn't been here to break my fall, but it's also deeper than that. He showed me how to stop being afraid of living, how to meet it head on with burning desire instead. "I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone." He made me see the world through new eyes. I am so much more than I spent most of my life thinking I was...I'm stronger, brighter...I'm not perfect by any means, but I can survive just about anything and come out standing tall, and I'm not sure I ever would have learned that about myself if he hadn't been there for me to lean on until I realized it. "I'm the only friend that makes you cry, you're a heart attack in black hair dye, so just save yourself and I'll hold them back tonight...ah, are you ready where you are? Could you save yourself tonight? Cause I'm comin' for you. We could leave this world, leave it all behind, we could steal this car if your folks don't mind, we could live forever if you've got the time."
He's my hero, my lifeline, my inspiration, my muse, my commander("You are not a cult, but a fucking army!"), my comfort, my shot of energy when my reserves are on empty, and my... Yeah. My friend. He calls us friends, and he's always seemed to prefer we do the same. (on what happens when he meets fans:) "We usually thank each other first. They say thank you, and I say thank you, and then we just talk, about whatever."
In case you don't know him, he's Gerard Arthur Way, 34 years old today, and I owe him a debt greater than I could ever hope to possibly repay. Fortunately, he doesn't ask for anything from us that we aren't already providing, but that doesn't mean I don't still wish I could give it.
And no matter how many people out there seem to have a problem with him and with the band, I'll always proudly proclaim that he's my hero, because he means more to me than I could ever fully express.
"Everyone should love themselves...like I love you all." Love you too, G Way. Always. Thanks for everything. See you in 1 month, 1 day. And even though I won't have time to tell you all this then? Maybe I can say thanks. And if I don't get the chance for that, I trust you, remember? I'll be right there, front row. I know you'll see it in my eyes.