Merry Go Rounds and Burial Grounds Are All The Same To Me (15/?)
Title: Merry Go Rounds and Burial Grounds Are All The Same To Me
Author:whreflections
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Sam/Dean
Word Count: will probably finish out around 150k or so. At present it’s a 88k WIP, but don’t let that discourage you from starting it because I’ve written that much in a month(this was supposed to a Big Bang that I realized I wouldn’t be able to finish in time. *sigh*), and I’ll be writing on this steadily every day so I’ll stay plenty ahead of where I’m at chapter posting wise and I plan to post every other day. ^^
Word Count for this chapter: 6,739
Genre: Little bit of everything. There’s romance and boys desperately in love and there’s crazy amounts of angst in places and drama and action and family and…just all over the place. But the boys in love thing, that’s the heart. <3
Spoilers: Need to have seen through 5.16
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: After getting back from heaven, Sam feels like he’s hit a dead end. They seem to have finally drifted far enough apart that Dean’s unreachable, and he’s staring down the fact that it’s hard to keep the faith when you’re the only doing it, and that at this point they’re probably screwed no matter what he tries to fix. But if Ash is right then him and his brother are soulmates, and that gives him a little bit of something to hold onto, tells him that what he’s felt for his brother all along might not be so wrong. In a last ditch effort to do the right thing he sells his soul to hell to get Crowley to send him back to 6 years before the apocalypse on the night he left for Stanford, giving him the chance to not only fix his relationship with his brother, but to just maybe fix everything else too. Of course, all that hinges on just how inevitable fate really is, and if he fails, he’ll end up right where Lucifer wants him.
*sigh* So I know, I’m a horrible person and it’s probably been about a month, and here I promised you updates twice a week. I know. Feel free to shoot me. T.T
Thing is, physics has been taking up MUCH more time than I thought it would…but all that work’s actually been paying off, cause I got 110% on our most recent test, ^^ That said, I’m desperately sorry updates on this have been so sporadic and I promise things’ll get better once rl calms down a little. Plus, this chapter was a little bit of a bitch to edit because I’d changed a semi major plot point and…yeah. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy, :)
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“So you’re sure it was just the girl up here with him, no one else?”
Gabriel leaned back against the door casually, arms crossed over his chest. “Yeah, I’m sure. That late at night, I would’ve seen someone else come up.”
Yeah. Of course he would’ve. Sam’s palm itched, and he flexed his hand. “Well alright then. Think we’re about done for the day, but one more thing…” He slipped the knife out of his sleeve, his hand tightening on the grip. “Have a nice trip.”
He didn’t give him time to be in shock, just slashed the knife across his palm and yanked open the empty drawer he’d drawn the sigil in a couple hours earlier, pressing his palm to the blood stains. Gabriel vanished, light bursting out from around the edges of his silhouette as he disappeared.
“Holy shit.” Dean was still staring at the spot where he’d last stood, incredulous, and Sam had to remind himself that this was the first time Dean had seen an angel, much less the first time he’d seen that happen.
“Yeah. I know.” He pulled his hand back, yanking a strip of cloth out of his pocket to wrap around his palm. “Pretty crazy looking, isn’t it?”
“You can say that again.” Dean shook his head, gesturing at the empty space where Gabriel’d stood. “And we don’t know where they go? How long it dispels them for, anything?”
“No, not really. I mean, Cas used it a lot and he taught us to too so I’m guessing it works for at least quite awhile, but I don’t have any real concrete data on it.” For the most part, they’d just used it as a last ditch resort before getting the hell outta Dodge, so how long it was gonna keep the angel or angels at bay hadn’t really come up very often. He shrugged, heading back around the desk. “I mean, I’m not sayin’ he’s gonna be happy with us after this, but I think he’ll be done in this town for awhile, at least enough to keep some kind of cover. But I’m sure we’re gonna have to deal with him again.” Just not in Florida, because he’d already told Dean they weren’t ever going anywhere near Broward County. Not ever.
“I still think there’s gotta be some way to smoke the bastards.”
If only there was, dealing with Lucifer wouldn’t be quite so daunting. Marginally, at least. “Far as I know, they have to kill each other. But I don’t know, I guess…there could always be something we missed.” Unlikely considering how much reading they’d gone through, but he never liked to rule anything out, especially if it could work in their favor.
He bumped Dean’s shoulder on his way out the door, comfortable and easy. “C’mon, man. Let’s go. Think there’s a job in Decatur; I wanna show you those articles I found.”
They picked up pad thai, looked into info about the vanishing wagon in Decatur that seemed to have claimed two lives and fell asleep to the sounds of rain, legs tangled together.
The dream started off innocent enough, and at first, he didn’t know anything was wrong. It was a good memory, the time he and Dean had spent in Charleston, and Dean was looking out over the water at Battery Park, looking incredible in the late evening sun. He went to him and kissed him, backing Dean against the railing, and he was just starting to really lose himself in it when Dean’s hands pushed against his chest, shoving him back.
“Did you really think it’d be that easy? C’mon, Sam…” The air between them shimmered, and suddenly Dean wasn’t Dean anymore. Sam backpedaled fast, reflexively wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, and Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Oh, please, I don’t have anything. Besides, we’re in your head, kiddo, none of this is real. Although if you were gettin’ ready to do what I think you were gonna do, you’ve got a serious exhibitionist kink Dean should probably know about.”
“Why are you here?” With the angels, it was usually best to try to cut to the chase. Not that that usually worked.
“Why am I here? Its you and your brother who forced yourselves into my life, remember? I wasn’t bothering you, but you just had to-“
“You were killing people, Gabriel! What, that’s ‘holy’ to you?”
That hit a nerve, just like he’d thought it might. His eyes narrowed, and he crossed his arms over his chest. “You know, holy is all a matter of perspective, Sam. I haven’t done half the shit some of my brothers have done, and a lot of them are considered more righteous than me by their higher ups, so who are you to condemn me having a little fun? I mean really, who’re you especially to say it because the things you’re gonna do once you get downstairs…” He laughed, loud and real. “They’re gonna have to invent a whole new type of torture, just to describe what you’re gonna do. Unleashing that temper, down in hell?” He shook his head, clucking his tongue. “I can’t even imagine the carnage…and I can imagine a lot.”
Sam’s hands clenched, nails digging hard into his palms. “I’m not goin’. And besides, it wouldn’t be like that. I know better, now.” His jaw ached from the pressure of clenching it impossibly tight; the hinge feeling close to snapping.
“You ‘know’ better? Sam, everyone knows better. It’s not like anyone goes down to hell with the intention of torturing a few million souls and becoming their own worst nightmare, but that’s what happens down there all the same! You all think you’re gonna hold out, and in the long run, none of you do. That’s why it’s hell. You can’t make it, but you shouldn’t be offended by that because no one can. So…” He pushed away from the railing, and Sam took another step back for every step closer he took. “You can be as judgmental of what I do as you want, but when it comes down to it, no matter what I’ve done this is gonna end with more blood on your hands than it is on mine. And besides hell, Sam, that’s just the way it has to go. My brother, he needs you. And you’re gonna have to roll over for him. And, yeah, I’m sorry he’s a bit of an ass, but I keep hopin’ he’ll clean that up. Either way, he’s gonna use you to cause a mess, and he’s not gonna be sorry, but Sam, that’s just the way it is. There’s nothing you can do about it, buddy, but just let it happen with as few casualties on your part as possible.”
This all went right back to before, to the whole ‘play your roles’ speech. He’d hated it then, and he hated it now. He wasn’t a goddamn puppet, and Dean certainly wasn’t one either.
“Get the hell out of my head.”
“Sam-“
“I mean it! You get the hell out of my head, you hear me?” He wasn’t sure he could really order him out by force of will, but damn, he was gonna try.
“Sam, please.” Gabriel held up his hands, pacifying, and for a minute he almost looked harmless. “Look, I didn’t mean to get you all riled up. I’m just trying to soften the blow, but you never seem to take it that way even when I’m trying my best to help you. In any case…” He shrugged, shoved his hands in his pockets. “The take home message here is, ‘Leave me alone’.”
Somehow he’d figured that was gonna be it. “Leave you alone? Well, for starters I’m not gonna just sit by and let you kill people!” Except in Florida. And there, he totally was. He could kill as many as he liked, Sam still wouldn’t take Dean across that county line. “Second, you’re the one with that power.”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re the one who keeps comin’ after us, later. So…” He squared his shoulders, stared him down. “You leave us the hell alone. Because we’re not doin’ it, and our minds won’t change, not on this. You’ll just be wasting your time.” Utterly. No one was gonna say yes this time around. No one was gonna even think it.
Gabriel rolled his eyes. “You have serious issues. I mean, between the two of you, you have subscriptions.”
Sam opened his mouth, ready with a comeback about Gabriel’s fucked up family, but the archangel snapped his fingers and he was gone, leaving Sam’s dream version of 2003 Dean in his place.
‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’
Dean was standing over at the dresser when Sam came up behind him, arms wrapping around Dean’s waist as his chin rested on his shoulder. Dean didn’t exactly freeze but he hesitated, his hands stilling for just a second before he finished flipping open the box of ammo he was holding, leaning back almost imperceptivity into his brother.
“ ‘M coming to bed in just a second, I just wanted to check our ammo, see if we need to stop by Caleb’s on the way outta here.”
“It’s tomorrow.” He buried his face against Dean’s neck, breathing him in. This time of night, he smelled like leather and cheap hotel soap and Dean, and Sam wanted to memorize it, keep it trapped in his head for awhile.
“What’s tomorrow?” Dean’s fingers skimmed over the bullets, counting, still only half paying attention.
“Cold Oak. It starts tomorrow.” The past few days he’d been dreading it, and Dean had been jumpy the whole month of April, but now it was here and he had to admit, he was a little afraid. Everything so far had proven mostly impossible to prevent, and if he died in just three days then it would ruin everything.
Dean shut the box, let it drop back into the duffle and turned around in Sam’s arms, his own hands coming up to frame Sam’s face. “You’re sure? I mean, a few things’ve changed, right, it might not-“
“ ‘M sure, Dean.” He’d been having headaches for the past few days, a sign he’d only noticed in retrospect before but that made perfect sense now. He tucked his face in against Dean’s shoulder again, filling his lungs with the scent. He could do this. He could do it and it’d be over quick, and then it’d just be another thing they’d had to go through, just one more they’d survived together.
As far back as he could remember, there’d never been a time Dean couldn’t figure out just what he needed. He pushed Sam back toward the bed, stepped out of his grip only long enough for them to shed down to their boxers before he slipped in under the covers, reaching over to turn out the light by the bed before he pulled Sam close. Dean’s arms were strong and familiar, and they held him desperately close, one wrapped around his back, the other hand fitting behind his head.
“I should go with you.”
It wasn’t the first time they’d had this argument, and even though it was all gonna go down tomorrow night Sam was still sure it wouldn’t be the last. “No, Dean, you can’t. It’s too dangerous, you could-“
“Be killed?” There was an edge to his words, an angry kind of fear that Sam hated to hear and he tightened his grip, holding on tight enough for his nails to dig into Dean’s back. “How did it happen?”
Somehow, he knew Dean wasn’t asking about how exactly he was gonna disappear. “It doesn’t matter.” He whispered, words brushing against Dean’s collar. “It doesn’t matter, Dean, it’s not gonna happen, ok? I’m gonna be fine.”
“What happened, Sam?”
He could still feel the rain, the squelch of the mud on his shoes, the pain in his arm that had been replaced by the pain in his back, how relieved he’d felt when Dean caught him, because Dean was there, and everything was alright. “He stabbed me in the back. You were there, you saw the whole thing.” If he was going to die, he didn’t ever want to do it in Dean’s sight again.
Dean’s breath caught, and though Sam couldn’t see his face in the dark, he could imagine how his eyes looked. His hand slid down Sam’s back, steady pressure, as if he could protect him by touch and possession. It felt like it should’ve worked that way. He was Dean’s; no one else could touch him. Wasn’t that the whole point of this anyway, belonging to each other utterly enough that it empowered them both?
“I’ll be alright, Dean. It’s not gonna happen like that.”
“And what if it does? I mean, I’m not doubtin’ you know when it’s gonna happen, Sam, but to be honest, man, your track record at stoppin’ this shit hasn’t been all that great so far. And if somethin’ else happens…” Dean shook his head, slipped his leg between Sam’s, another anchor to keep him close. “I should be there. You can’t die like that. Not now.”
He might as well have said ‘because I can’t save you’, because Sam knew it was there anyway. It wasn’t him dying that Dean was the most concerned about(though that was certainly high up there), it was the fact that if he did, Dean had no options. Sam’s deal was already made, and if he went downstairs early…well, they wouldn’t complain. And they wouldn’t take alternative options, either. With hell, it was all absolutes.
“I’ll be alright. I can handle this, really I can. You come pick me up, and then we go to Wyoming together. It’ll work out. But you can’t come, Dean. Not there. He’ll have one of them kill you just to get at me, I know he will. And I won’t have that.”
“Well, then we take care of ‘em all first!”
It really wasn’t that easy. Maybe it’d be Jake or maybe it’d be the acheri, but he was sure that if Dean came to Cold Oak too soon, he wouldn’t make it. Whether it was just paranoia or not, that wasn’t something Sam was willing to risk.
“No. Dean, it’s too dangerous. Just, please, tell me you’re gonna let me take care of this and just meet me there. Alright?”
Dean’s hand smoothed down his back again, fingers tracing his spine. It was awhile before he nodded against Sam’s shoulder, slow and reluctant. “I’ll come pick you up.”
Sam turned his head enough to find Dean’s lips, and he kissed him, his movements driven by pure need. Dean pinned him back against the mattress and they kissed like they were trying to drink each other down, and though he could feel Dean rubbing hard against his hip it never turned into sex. It was just heavy, warm breath on his skin, the gentle catch of Dean’s teeth against his lip and the slide of Dean’s tongue against his, the way Dean whispered his name when Sam whined and opened his mouth a little wider to take Dean in.
They were almost asleep just like that, Dean still on top of him when he felt the vibration of Dean’s words, murmured against the hollow of his throat.
“Not gonna lose you, Sammy. ‘M not ready yet.”
No. Neither was he. But then, neither of them ever would be. It was one of those things, like running against the clock. No matter how hard you tried, you were going to run out of time before you were ready.
‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’
Sam woke up quick, sucking in a sharp breath and sitting up, wincing at the pain in his back. He’d been passed out in the same place as before, stretched across rotting wooden slats. Last he remembered, he’d gone out to get them drinks from the vending machine. Of course, he’d known that was probably gonna be it and he was sure Dean had too, because when he’d left Dean had looked him over like a drowning man, but he’d gone out the door anyway. He could still remember all too well what had happened to Brady, before, and Dean getting killed for them to take him wasn’t an option.
He got on his feet, brushing wet leaves off his palms. He was going to have to hurry. This time around, things were going to be different, and not just because he wasn’t going to let Jake kill him in front of his brother. Ava was gone, and he already knew the rules of this game. He wasn’t about to let Andy or Lily become casualties when they didn’t have to. When it came down to it, the only one that really mattered here was him. Sometimes, he wondered if Azazel had ever really known the full truth about the work he was doing for Lucifer.
First things first, he had to get his bearings. He’d gone into this with a knife strapped against his left arm, but he knew better than to look for that now. They’d disarmed him before, there was no reason to think they’d have done anything but the same this time around. After that, he had some thinking to do. Well, not so much thinking as just a little bit of planning, of coming to terms with what he already knew he had to do. Killing Jake wasn’t an option, but how he killed Jake was and now that he was here that was taking a little more thought than he’d figured on. He couldn’t really charge in an stab him in the chest, obviously. Even if he did find a weapon between now and then that wouldn’t exactly endear him to Lily and Andy’d think he’d gone nuts and…it just won’t work, logistically. He’d have to wait until they were alone, have to wait till it was just the two of them somewhere he might could even blame it on one of the spirits if he was lucky.
That first time, he’d found Andy on a side street just over to the right from where he’d woken up but this time he’d taken a left, given himself space and time to think, so when he saw Andy come around the corner at the end of an entirely different street a few minutes later, he was totally taken off guard.
“Sam!”
“Andy, hey!” Andy ran up to him, the others trailing behind, and he seemed as relieved to see him as he had before.
“Sam, what the hell is going on here? I just…I don’t even…” His hands were gripped tight around the cuffs of his jacket, his eyes wide, and Sam hated how lost he looked. Whatever Azazel had tried to do to them, he’d probably failed more with Andy than with anyone. He had a good heart, and he didn’t belong here.
Sam held his hands up, pacifying. “It’s ok, Andy, I promise it’s gonna be ok. I can explain everything.”
“What do you mean, you can explain everything? You mean you know what’s goin’ on here?” Jake’s voice grated at him, scraping rough at his insides and making him wish this was already over. In all the time he’d spent with him before, he’d been pretty sure that under all this bullshit Azazel forced on them, Jake was a good man. That was nothing he wanted to remember now.
Sam cleared his throat, stood up just a little straighter. “Yeah. I do. We’ve been brought here by a demon, a demon whose blood we all share because he’s got plans for us. Now I know-“ He talked just a little louder, trying to force them to keep listening to him. “I know that sounds crazy. I know. But it’s true, and if we don’t all work together right now, we’re gonna be dead because at the moment, there is no way out of this town that he’s gonna let us take. There’s spirits here and demons and God only knows what else and he’s got all that at his disposal, so for the time being, we need to make some preparations.”
Predictably, that was when everyone started talking at once. He let them burn it out, let them all yell and rant almost unintelligibly until it was dying down and he could grab at least a fraction of their attention.
“Like I said…I know, sounds crazy. But we can all do something unexplainable, am I right?” Reluctant nods all around. Lily shoved her hands under her arms, crossed tight over her chest. “That’s because of him. And he wants us to use those powers for his own reasons, and we can’t do that.” Funny, that was exactly what he was going to do. Well, not the powers so much, but he was gonna play right into Azazel’s hands. Every time he thought about it, he never felt any less sick.
“Sam, it’s just…this is…”
“Crazy?”
Andy threw his hands up, at a loss. “Overwhelming! I mean, it’s one thing for you to show up and tell me I’ve got a crazy murderous twin brother and a whole other for you to tell me I’ve got demon blood and he wants me to…” Andy shook his head and Sam reached out to him, laying a hand on his arm.
“Andy, it’s gonna be alright, ok? I promise, we’re gonna figure this out.” His eyes flickered up, Jake’s, and he did his best not to look away. “Look, even if you think I’m crazy, you’ve gotta agree with me that we need to protect ourselves. We can set up a central meeting place, leave them to watch it while we go scout, see what we can find about exactly what’s around here, what weapons we grab, food, any of that.”
He could tell he already pretty much had Jake, but Lily spoke up first.
“Screw you. You can’t tell me to stay here, and you can’t make me believe there’s any kind of reason beyond what I can do. It’s not…it’s not natural, and it’s not anything I can use, and I am not staying here with all of you.”
“Lily…” She turned to walk away and he grabbed her hand, jerking her back. Her eyes went wide, obviously shocked that he wasn’t already dead and he smiled, tried not to look like he’d anticipated her shock too much. “I’m guessing your power doesn’t work on me.”
“…how…how did you-“
“None of our powers work on each other, Lily. I don’t know why, maybe because of us all sharing the same blood. What I do know, though, is that we can’t use them on each other, not like that. And Lily, here’s the thing…if I’m wrong and you stay here, well you don’t really lose anything except leaving here later than you wanted to and in a bigger group. But if I’m right and you try to leave, you’re dead. Sounds like a pretty easy bet to chose, if it were me.”
She bit her lip, considering, and Sam didn’t really wait for her to answer. He let go of her hand, turning back around to Andy. “Just…stay with her, ok? In that building right over there. We’ll be right back.”
“What if something…you said there were other…things here.” Really, no one could blame Andy for being freaked. Most people were supposed to be freaked out by this kind of thing.
“It’s ok. We won’t be long, just stay together.” Without Ava here, it stood to reason that as long as they didn’t leave them alone there forever, they were gonna be fine. She’d been the one to call the acheri to kill Lily and Andy before, after all. When he looked up at him again Jake nodded, and they waited until Andy and Lily were inside before they headed off down the street.
Jake was the one to break the silence. “Usin’ a variation of Pascal’s wager to argue with her; I liked that.”
“You caught that, huh?” Sam laughed, soft and nervous, though he hoped it didn’t sound quite that way.
“Yeah. My momma was Catholic, so…” He shrugged, his eyes scanning across the street as they headed into the building that looked like it had once belonged to a blacksmith. “You really believe all that stuff you told us? About the demon?”
“I don’t just believe it; I know it’s true.” They split up a little on the inside, walking around separate sides of the perimeter. “I’ve seen him, and I know that he wants us for his own reasons and whatever it is he wants, it can’t be good.”
“Well, if that’s true, we can’t let these people panic. Here.” They met in the middle at the back and Jake held his hand out, a rusty knife in his palm. “You can use this. I’ll find me somethin’ else.” He turned to head over to the wheel, and for a minute Sam was distracted by the memory of standing there before, watching him rip off a spoke and worrying about Dean, if he was alright, if he was even still alive…
Dean. That was why he was doing this anyway, why he had to act fast. He launched himself forward, practically tackling him from behind, one hand going to hold his chin back as he slashed at his throat with the knife. It wasn’t quite sharp enough, and though could hear him starting to choke on his own blood it hadn’t cut all the through the way through. He pitched forward, ending up sprawled and grasping on the ground and Sam gripped his shoulder to turn his body over. From where he knelt over him Jake looked up at him, eyes wide with shock, and Sam swallowed hard.
“ ‘M sorry. I had to.”
With that, he drove the knife into his heart.
He left it there, hilt quivering a little as he pulled away, and he rubbed his bloodstained hands in the dirt, getting most of it off. Nearer to the building there was a well and he could pull some water up and wash his hands there, and by the time he got back in to Andy and Lily he could have a good story to tell them, something about the acheri surprising them in the smith. Of course, he was pretty damn sure that knife was made of iron, but they didn’t need to know that.
He couldn’t bear to look back at Jake’s body, and though he wished he could’ve found a weapon in there to take back with him it just wasn’t worth going back in. There was salt in that building they were in, he remembered, and they’d make due. For now, he was going to take the first watch and let them sleep, and by the time Andy woke up and could take over for him, he’d be ready to get some sleep of his own and have a few words with Azazel.
‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’
That night, Azazel didn’t show. Sam woke up to the light in his eyes, streaming through the curtainless window, blinking rapidly and trying to wake up enough to check the salt lines. None of them were broken, and Andy slept curled up by the fire, head pillowed on his arms.
Lily, on the other hand, was gone.
He went to Andy, shaking his shoulder to wake him, and he brought his arm up to block when Andy flailed a little as he woke up.
“What, huh, I-“
“Andy, it’s me. It’s morning.” He gave him a second to sit up, rubbing hard at already red eyes. “Have you seen Lily?”
“…she was right here! I saw her, she fell asleep in that chair over there and…oh my God, we’re all gonna-“
“Hey, hey, it’s ok, Andy. Look at me, it’s ok, alright?” Clearly, Azazel had chosen what he thought was an easier mark, and he probably wasn’t all that wrong. With all that rage, Lily’d be easy to bend to his will. Sam knew that more than well enough. “I’m gonna go find her. You just stay here, inside the salt and make sure the lines aren’t broken, alright? You’ll be fine until I come to get you.” Which hopefully wouldn’t take all that long. He’d go out, do whatever he had to with Lily and come back and get Andy the hell out of town.
Andy agreed, still nervous as hell, and Sam tried not to feel bad for leaving him. If he didn’t go out and find Lily then she’d come at them on her terms, and that was something he didn’t want, particularly if Azazel was strengthening her. When he’d learned to use his powers before with Ruby they’d come at a good rate but still pretty slowly, but Jake had progressed incredibly fast and he’d decided when he thought about it later that it had to have something to do with Azazel’s influence in this place.
Outside, the streets were empty. So empty that he was really starting to wonder, because the farther he wandered the more he saw nothing. No signs of Lily, and no spirit activity either. Of course, he was glad about the ‘no spirit activity’ part because all he had was an iron poker and that was only gonna do him so much good.
When she jumped him from behind, he literally had no warning. He had the time to think that really, it was clever coming at him like this. Demonic activity he’d have expected, but a good old fashioned jumping? That wasn’t something he’d exactly been looking out for. She had some kind of bar between her hands and it pressed hard against his windpipe, cutting off his air even as he gasped for breath and tried to flip her. She yanked harder, the metal sawing against his skin and his throat burned painfully, colors flashing before his eyes as he stumbled to the ground.
He dropped the poker to claw at her arms, frantic and beyond all conscious reason. Dimly he heard a thud, felt her hands go weak as she dropped off his back and fell forward, the short metal pipe falling to the mud between his hands as he bent over, gasping for breath. Strong hands closed around the collar of his jacket then, hauling him up, and he found himself being pulled into Dean’s arms.
“Hey, hey, look at me, Sammy, look up here.”
He did, but it wasn’t easy. His vision still fuzzed out a little, and he wheezed around his bruised windpipe, one hand coming out to grasp Dean’s shoulder as Dean pulled him in a little closer, supporting most of his weight.
“Easy. You ok, little brother?”
His head was still several steps behind. “Dean?!”
Dean’s smile shined all the way through to his eyes, clearly relieved to hear him talking, and he wrapped Sam up fully in his arms, lips pressing warm against his temple. “Yeah. ‘M here. I got you.”
He took a deep breath, felt Dean’s chest move against his and he pushed himself back a little, the shock really starting to settle in. “Dean…what the hell? I told you not to-“
“Hey, I just saved your ass. You really still gonna try to tell me you had the right idea?” Dean pushed his hair back from his forehead, not so subtly checking him over. “Besides, don’t know what the hell you were thinkin’. Did you seriously think I was just gonna let you get zapped up here to demon central on your own?” He scoffed, not waiting for Sam to answer. “I mean really, Sam, that’s just…I kinda wanna say it’s a problem, but I really don’t wanna talk about it right now. Point is, I don’t care what you said, I’m still the big brother here, and if I think you need me I’m gonna be there to look out for you, end of story. I’d’ve come anyway, but with you sayin’ you were supposed to die up here, well…I mean, really, Sam, what were you thinking, man? You honestly thought I was just gonna roll over and accept that, just leave this all up to you and hope you came out ok?”
He’d been thinking lots of things, among them the fact that if he fucked up and he did die, he didn’t want Dean there to see it. Mostly, though, he’d been thinking that this town wasn’t safe for the people with his abilities, much less anyone else. “Wanted to keep you safe.” That seemed like the most concise answer.
“Good luck with that.” Dean was smirking, a measure of the bravado he’d been lacking there for awhile seeming to have returned in the act of saving Sam. Maybe he hadn’t all the way realized it before, but in some ways this was something Dean needed, looking after him, and in feeling like he couldn’t do it he’d been goin’ a little crazy. Safe or not, maybe this’d be good for him in the long run. At the moment, Sam was just glad he could breathe and even gladder to have Dean’s arm wrapped around his shoulders, warm and anchoring.
“We need to get Andy. I left him a few streets over.”
Dean nodded, insisted on keeping his arm around Sam as he got to his feet even though Sam was pretty sure he could’ve managed. “Yeah, I saw. Been following you since yesterday. Well, for the most part, at least. I branched out a little, scouted some but I mostly just followed and kept outta sight.”
“You mean you’ve been here the whole time?” So, not only did he severely underestimate Dean’s stubborn big brother complex, but he’d failed to even notice he was being followed. Fantastic.
“I’m just that good, Sammy, what can I say.” He winked, clearly certain of just where Sam’s thoughts had traveled. “Anyway, yeah, been here pretty much the whole time. Soon as you didn’t come back in about 15 minutes I went and checked, found the sulfur, jumped in the car and drove nearly straight here, bout 9 hours. Got here just a little ‘fore you woke up.”
He didn’t even know what to say. On one hand, he shouldn’t have been surprised. He’d gotten so used to Dean mostly following his lead in everything he’d known about the future, but he hadn’t stopped to think that most of the time, that was just on hunts. This involved him, and he should’ve realized much sooner that on that, Dean had never taken orders from anyone. Not even dad, and certainly not Sam. When it came to looking after his brother, Dean did whatever he deemed necessary, and this wasn’t the first time that instinct had saved Sam’s life. Not to mention everything else it had done for him over the years.
No matter how worried about Dean he was(and he was worried. Terrified, even.), when they got out of here, he was gonna have to thank him for that.
“Oh, shit. No! No, no…” He snapped back to attention, jerking his head in the direction Dean was looking, only to see smoke curling up from somewhere off to the right.
Oh, shit. Andy.
He pulled away from Dean, darting into an alley and running toward the smoke, and he only dimly heard Dean following him, calling after him. Once he’d run two streets over he came out onto the right one and he could see the flames, already licking past the roof. And between him and the door, there was the demon.
Sam skidded to a stop in the mud, Dean nearly crashing into him from behind, and the minute Dean’s eyes fell on him too they both gripped at each other’s jackets, each trying to haul the other one back.
Azazel turned slowly, his arms crossing over his chest. “Well isn’t that sweet. Think it’s a little late to be trying to hide your brother from me, Dean.” His eyes flashed, gleaming yellow that seemed even more radiant in the firelight. “After all, he is already mine, really. Or did he tell you that? I’m not really sure what you’re allowed to know these days.”
“You son of a-“
“Dean!” Dean had lunged forward but Sam caught him, arms hooking around Dean’s and yanking him back, holding him close to his chest. Dean was stronger, though, and he if he really struggled enough, Sam wasn’t gonna be able to hold him. He went instead for what might work, his voice dropping as he yanked Dean backwards just a little tighter. “Don’t fall for it. Don’t listen to him. We can’t trust a word he says, ok, just don’t do anything stupid right now; it’s not the time. Just stay with me.”
Dean was still breathing like he’d run 10 miles but Sam felt his muscles go slack, saw the slight tilt of his jaw that could’ve passed for a nod and he let him go. He tried to step just in front of him, to put himself between them but Dean’s hand shot out and pressed against his chest, holding him back and keeping them even.
“Oh, it’s alright, Dean. I won’t hurt him. In fact, I’ve never hurt him, I’ve only ever helped him be all he can be, but you people just can’t seem to understand that.” He shrugged, strolled a little closer. “You know, Sam, you disappointed me. I was proud when you killed Jake because whatever your motives were, kiddo, that showed potential. But not anticipating me going to Lily…” He clucked his tongue, shaking his head. “Elementary move. Think you’re getting rusty, Sam.”
He wasn’t in the mood. Andy was dead and he had Dean with him, and he just couldn’t afford to dick around with the bastard right now. He wrapped his fingers around Dean’s wrist, squeezing till he let Sam push his hand away and step forward. “Alright. I’ll do your dirty work. Just give me the gun.”
Azazel laughed, long and deep, and suddenly the Colt was there in his hands, being twirled between his fingers. “Hold up there, Tex. I mean, this is just too good to be true, but that’s the real catch of it, isn’t it? You, Sam, are too good to be true. Sure, you try to be the good boy, try to come back in time and right all your wrongs. Tell me, Sam, do you really think it could be that simple? You can’t change your nature, Sam, and you can’t change Dean’s. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved, especially not from themselves.”
“Give me the goddamn gun.” His voice quaked with rage, and he didn’t let himself look back at Dean out of the corner of his eye. He didn’t want to know what he’d see.
“I mean, I haven’t really seen that future, but oh the things I’ve heard about it…and you know what? I think Dean was still saying yes for you. Because maybe if he said yes to Michael, then you wouldn’t-“
“You shut your fucking mouth!” He lost it, closed the last few feet between them and gripped his shirt in his hands, fury blinding him just enough to keep him from thinking better of it. Azazel just laughed, and he could feel Dean jerking on his arm and his collar, pulling him back. He clenched his jaw, stared Azazel down with his chest heaving in frustration. “Give me. The damn. Gun.”
“Thought you’d never ask.”
He held it out, barrel first, and the minute Sam’s fingers brushed the metal he was gone.
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Master post is here.
Author:whreflections
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Sam/Dean
Word Count: will probably finish out around 150k or so. At present it’s a 88k WIP, but don’t let that discourage you from starting it because I’ve written that much in a month(this was supposed to a Big Bang that I realized I wouldn’t be able to finish in time. *sigh*), and I’ll be writing on this steadily every day so I’ll stay plenty ahead of where I’m at chapter posting wise and I plan to post every other day. ^^
Word Count for this chapter: 6,739
Genre: Little bit of everything. There’s romance and boys desperately in love and there’s crazy amounts of angst in places and drama and action and family and…just all over the place. But the boys in love thing, that’s the heart. <3
Spoilers: Need to have seen through 5.16
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: After getting back from heaven, Sam feels like he’s hit a dead end. They seem to have finally drifted far enough apart that Dean’s unreachable, and he’s staring down the fact that it’s hard to keep the faith when you’re the only doing it, and that at this point they’re probably screwed no matter what he tries to fix. But if Ash is right then him and his brother are soulmates, and that gives him a little bit of something to hold onto, tells him that what he’s felt for his brother all along might not be so wrong. In a last ditch effort to do the right thing he sells his soul to hell to get Crowley to send him back to 6 years before the apocalypse on the night he left for Stanford, giving him the chance to not only fix his relationship with his brother, but to just maybe fix everything else too. Of course, all that hinges on just how inevitable fate really is, and if he fails, he’ll end up right where Lucifer wants him.
*sigh* So I know, I’m a horrible person and it’s probably been about a month, and here I promised you updates twice a week. I know. Feel free to shoot me. T.T
Thing is, physics has been taking up MUCH more time than I thought it would…but all that work’s actually been paying off, cause I got 110% on our most recent test, ^^ That said, I’m desperately sorry updates on this have been so sporadic and I promise things’ll get better once rl calms down a little. Plus, this chapter was a little bit of a bitch to edit because I’d changed a semi major plot point and…yeah. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy, :)
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“So you’re sure it was just the girl up here with him, no one else?”
Gabriel leaned back against the door casually, arms crossed over his chest. “Yeah, I’m sure. That late at night, I would’ve seen someone else come up.”
Yeah. Of course he would’ve. Sam’s palm itched, and he flexed his hand. “Well alright then. Think we’re about done for the day, but one more thing…” He slipped the knife out of his sleeve, his hand tightening on the grip. “Have a nice trip.”
He didn’t give him time to be in shock, just slashed the knife across his palm and yanked open the empty drawer he’d drawn the sigil in a couple hours earlier, pressing his palm to the blood stains. Gabriel vanished, light bursting out from around the edges of his silhouette as he disappeared.
“Holy shit.” Dean was still staring at the spot where he’d last stood, incredulous, and Sam had to remind himself that this was the first time Dean had seen an angel, much less the first time he’d seen that happen.
“Yeah. I know.” He pulled his hand back, yanking a strip of cloth out of his pocket to wrap around his palm. “Pretty crazy looking, isn’t it?”
“You can say that again.” Dean shook his head, gesturing at the empty space where Gabriel’d stood. “And we don’t know where they go? How long it dispels them for, anything?”
“No, not really. I mean, Cas used it a lot and he taught us to too so I’m guessing it works for at least quite awhile, but I don’t have any real concrete data on it.” For the most part, they’d just used it as a last ditch resort before getting the hell outta Dodge, so how long it was gonna keep the angel or angels at bay hadn’t really come up very often. He shrugged, heading back around the desk. “I mean, I’m not sayin’ he’s gonna be happy with us after this, but I think he’ll be done in this town for awhile, at least enough to keep some kind of cover. But I’m sure we’re gonna have to deal with him again.” Just not in Florida, because he’d already told Dean they weren’t ever going anywhere near Broward County. Not ever.
“I still think there’s gotta be some way to smoke the bastards.”
If only there was, dealing with Lucifer wouldn’t be quite so daunting. Marginally, at least. “Far as I know, they have to kill each other. But I don’t know, I guess…there could always be something we missed.” Unlikely considering how much reading they’d gone through, but he never liked to rule anything out, especially if it could work in their favor.
He bumped Dean’s shoulder on his way out the door, comfortable and easy. “C’mon, man. Let’s go. Think there’s a job in Decatur; I wanna show you those articles I found.”
They picked up pad thai, looked into info about the vanishing wagon in Decatur that seemed to have claimed two lives and fell asleep to the sounds of rain, legs tangled together.
The dream started off innocent enough, and at first, he didn’t know anything was wrong. It was a good memory, the time he and Dean had spent in Charleston, and Dean was looking out over the water at Battery Park, looking incredible in the late evening sun. He went to him and kissed him, backing Dean against the railing, and he was just starting to really lose himself in it when Dean’s hands pushed against his chest, shoving him back.
“Did you really think it’d be that easy? C’mon, Sam…” The air between them shimmered, and suddenly Dean wasn’t Dean anymore. Sam backpedaled fast, reflexively wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, and Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Oh, please, I don’t have anything. Besides, we’re in your head, kiddo, none of this is real. Although if you were gettin’ ready to do what I think you were gonna do, you’ve got a serious exhibitionist kink Dean should probably know about.”
“Why are you here?” With the angels, it was usually best to try to cut to the chase. Not that that usually worked.
“Why am I here? Its you and your brother who forced yourselves into my life, remember? I wasn’t bothering you, but you just had to-“
“You were killing people, Gabriel! What, that’s ‘holy’ to you?”
That hit a nerve, just like he’d thought it might. His eyes narrowed, and he crossed his arms over his chest. “You know, holy is all a matter of perspective, Sam. I haven’t done half the shit some of my brothers have done, and a lot of them are considered more righteous than me by their higher ups, so who are you to condemn me having a little fun? I mean really, who’re you especially to say it because the things you’re gonna do once you get downstairs…” He laughed, loud and real. “They’re gonna have to invent a whole new type of torture, just to describe what you’re gonna do. Unleashing that temper, down in hell?” He shook his head, clucking his tongue. “I can’t even imagine the carnage…and I can imagine a lot.”
Sam’s hands clenched, nails digging hard into his palms. “I’m not goin’. And besides, it wouldn’t be like that. I know better, now.” His jaw ached from the pressure of clenching it impossibly tight; the hinge feeling close to snapping.
“You ‘know’ better? Sam, everyone knows better. It’s not like anyone goes down to hell with the intention of torturing a few million souls and becoming their own worst nightmare, but that’s what happens down there all the same! You all think you’re gonna hold out, and in the long run, none of you do. That’s why it’s hell. You can’t make it, but you shouldn’t be offended by that because no one can. So…” He pushed away from the railing, and Sam took another step back for every step closer he took. “You can be as judgmental of what I do as you want, but when it comes down to it, no matter what I’ve done this is gonna end with more blood on your hands than it is on mine. And besides hell, Sam, that’s just the way it has to go. My brother, he needs you. And you’re gonna have to roll over for him. And, yeah, I’m sorry he’s a bit of an ass, but I keep hopin’ he’ll clean that up. Either way, he’s gonna use you to cause a mess, and he’s not gonna be sorry, but Sam, that’s just the way it is. There’s nothing you can do about it, buddy, but just let it happen with as few casualties on your part as possible.”
This all went right back to before, to the whole ‘play your roles’ speech. He’d hated it then, and he hated it now. He wasn’t a goddamn puppet, and Dean certainly wasn’t one either.
“Get the hell out of my head.”
“Sam-“
“I mean it! You get the hell out of my head, you hear me?” He wasn’t sure he could really order him out by force of will, but damn, he was gonna try.
“Sam, please.” Gabriel held up his hands, pacifying, and for a minute he almost looked harmless. “Look, I didn’t mean to get you all riled up. I’m just trying to soften the blow, but you never seem to take it that way even when I’m trying my best to help you. In any case…” He shrugged, shoved his hands in his pockets. “The take home message here is, ‘Leave me alone’.”
Somehow he’d figured that was gonna be it. “Leave you alone? Well, for starters I’m not gonna just sit by and let you kill people!” Except in Florida. And there, he totally was. He could kill as many as he liked, Sam still wouldn’t take Dean across that county line. “Second, you’re the one with that power.”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re the one who keeps comin’ after us, later. So…” He squared his shoulders, stared him down. “You leave us the hell alone. Because we’re not doin’ it, and our minds won’t change, not on this. You’ll just be wasting your time.” Utterly. No one was gonna say yes this time around. No one was gonna even think it.
Gabriel rolled his eyes. “You have serious issues. I mean, between the two of you, you have subscriptions.”
Sam opened his mouth, ready with a comeback about Gabriel’s fucked up family, but the archangel snapped his fingers and he was gone, leaving Sam’s dream version of 2003 Dean in his place.
‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’
Dean was standing over at the dresser when Sam came up behind him, arms wrapping around Dean’s waist as his chin rested on his shoulder. Dean didn’t exactly freeze but he hesitated, his hands stilling for just a second before he finished flipping open the box of ammo he was holding, leaning back almost imperceptivity into his brother.
“ ‘M coming to bed in just a second, I just wanted to check our ammo, see if we need to stop by Caleb’s on the way outta here.”
“It’s tomorrow.” He buried his face against Dean’s neck, breathing him in. This time of night, he smelled like leather and cheap hotel soap and Dean, and Sam wanted to memorize it, keep it trapped in his head for awhile.
“What’s tomorrow?” Dean’s fingers skimmed over the bullets, counting, still only half paying attention.
“Cold Oak. It starts tomorrow.” The past few days he’d been dreading it, and Dean had been jumpy the whole month of April, but now it was here and he had to admit, he was a little afraid. Everything so far had proven mostly impossible to prevent, and if he died in just three days then it would ruin everything.
Dean shut the box, let it drop back into the duffle and turned around in Sam’s arms, his own hands coming up to frame Sam’s face. “You’re sure? I mean, a few things’ve changed, right, it might not-“
“ ‘M sure, Dean.” He’d been having headaches for the past few days, a sign he’d only noticed in retrospect before but that made perfect sense now. He tucked his face in against Dean’s shoulder again, filling his lungs with the scent. He could do this. He could do it and it’d be over quick, and then it’d just be another thing they’d had to go through, just one more they’d survived together.
As far back as he could remember, there’d never been a time Dean couldn’t figure out just what he needed. He pushed Sam back toward the bed, stepped out of his grip only long enough for them to shed down to their boxers before he slipped in under the covers, reaching over to turn out the light by the bed before he pulled Sam close. Dean’s arms were strong and familiar, and they held him desperately close, one wrapped around his back, the other hand fitting behind his head.
“I should go with you.”
It wasn’t the first time they’d had this argument, and even though it was all gonna go down tomorrow night Sam was still sure it wouldn’t be the last. “No, Dean, you can’t. It’s too dangerous, you could-“
“Be killed?” There was an edge to his words, an angry kind of fear that Sam hated to hear and he tightened his grip, holding on tight enough for his nails to dig into Dean’s back. “How did it happen?”
Somehow, he knew Dean wasn’t asking about how exactly he was gonna disappear. “It doesn’t matter.” He whispered, words brushing against Dean’s collar. “It doesn’t matter, Dean, it’s not gonna happen, ok? I’m gonna be fine.”
“What happened, Sam?”
He could still feel the rain, the squelch of the mud on his shoes, the pain in his arm that had been replaced by the pain in his back, how relieved he’d felt when Dean caught him, because Dean was there, and everything was alright. “He stabbed me in the back. You were there, you saw the whole thing.” If he was going to die, he didn’t ever want to do it in Dean’s sight again.
Dean’s breath caught, and though Sam couldn’t see his face in the dark, he could imagine how his eyes looked. His hand slid down Sam’s back, steady pressure, as if he could protect him by touch and possession. It felt like it should’ve worked that way. He was Dean’s; no one else could touch him. Wasn’t that the whole point of this anyway, belonging to each other utterly enough that it empowered them both?
“I’ll be alright, Dean. It’s not gonna happen like that.”
“And what if it does? I mean, I’m not doubtin’ you know when it’s gonna happen, Sam, but to be honest, man, your track record at stoppin’ this shit hasn’t been all that great so far. And if somethin’ else happens…” Dean shook his head, slipped his leg between Sam’s, another anchor to keep him close. “I should be there. You can’t die like that. Not now.”
He might as well have said ‘because I can’t save you’, because Sam knew it was there anyway. It wasn’t him dying that Dean was the most concerned about(though that was certainly high up there), it was the fact that if he did, Dean had no options. Sam’s deal was already made, and if he went downstairs early…well, they wouldn’t complain. And they wouldn’t take alternative options, either. With hell, it was all absolutes.
“I’ll be alright. I can handle this, really I can. You come pick me up, and then we go to Wyoming together. It’ll work out. But you can’t come, Dean. Not there. He’ll have one of them kill you just to get at me, I know he will. And I won’t have that.”
“Well, then we take care of ‘em all first!”
It really wasn’t that easy. Maybe it’d be Jake or maybe it’d be the acheri, but he was sure that if Dean came to Cold Oak too soon, he wouldn’t make it. Whether it was just paranoia or not, that wasn’t something Sam was willing to risk.
“No. Dean, it’s too dangerous. Just, please, tell me you’re gonna let me take care of this and just meet me there. Alright?”
Dean’s hand smoothed down his back again, fingers tracing his spine. It was awhile before he nodded against Sam’s shoulder, slow and reluctant. “I’ll come pick you up.”
Sam turned his head enough to find Dean’s lips, and he kissed him, his movements driven by pure need. Dean pinned him back against the mattress and they kissed like they were trying to drink each other down, and though he could feel Dean rubbing hard against his hip it never turned into sex. It was just heavy, warm breath on his skin, the gentle catch of Dean’s teeth against his lip and the slide of Dean’s tongue against his, the way Dean whispered his name when Sam whined and opened his mouth a little wider to take Dean in.
They were almost asleep just like that, Dean still on top of him when he felt the vibration of Dean’s words, murmured against the hollow of his throat.
“Not gonna lose you, Sammy. ‘M not ready yet.”
No. Neither was he. But then, neither of them ever would be. It was one of those things, like running against the clock. No matter how hard you tried, you were going to run out of time before you were ready.
‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’
Sam woke up quick, sucking in a sharp breath and sitting up, wincing at the pain in his back. He’d been passed out in the same place as before, stretched across rotting wooden slats. Last he remembered, he’d gone out to get them drinks from the vending machine. Of course, he’d known that was probably gonna be it and he was sure Dean had too, because when he’d left Dean had looked him over like a drowning man, but he’d gone out the door anyway. He could still remember all too well what had happened to Brady, before, and Dean getting killed for them to take him wasn’t an option.
He got on his feet, brushing wet leaves off his palms. He was going to have to hurry. This time around, things were going to be different, and not just because he wasn’t going to let Jake kill him in front of his brother. Ava was gone, and he already knew the rules of this game. He wasn’t about to let Andy or Lily become casualties when they didn’t have to. When it came down to it, the only one that really mattered here was him. Sometimes, he wondered if Azazel had ever really known the full truth about the work he was doing for Lucifer.
First things first, he had to get his bearings. He’d gone into this with a knife strapped against his left arm, but he knew better than to look for that now. They’d disarmed him before, there was no reason to think they’d have done anything but the same this time around. After that, he had some thinking to do. Well, not so much thinking as just a little bit of planning, of coming to terms with what he already knew he had to do. Killing Jake wasn’t an option, but how he killed Jake was and now that he was here that was taking a little more thought than he’d figured on. He couldn’t really charge in an stab him in the chest, obviously. Even if he did find a weapon between now and then that wouldn’t exactly endear him to Lily and Andy’d think he’d gone nuts and…it just won’t work, logistically. He’d have to wait until they were alone, have to wait till it was just the two of them somewhere he might could even blame it on one of the spirits if he was lucky.
That first time, he’d found Andy on a side street just over to the right from where he’d woken up but this time he’d taken a left, given himself space and time to think, so when he saw Andy come around the corner at the end of an entirely different street a few minutes later, he was totally taken off guard.
“Sam!”
“Andy, hey!” Andy ran up to him, the others trailing behind, and he seemed as relieved to see him as he had before.
“Sam, what the hell is going on here? I just…I don’t even…” His hands were gripped tight around the cuffs of his jacket, his eyes wide, and Sam hated how lost he looked. Whatever Azazel had tried to do to them, he’d probably failed more with Andy than with anyone. He had a good heart, and he didn’t belong here.
Sam held his hands up, pacifying. “It’s ok, Andy, I promise it’s gonna be ok. I can explain everything.”
“What do you mean, you can explain everything? You mean you know what’s goin’ on here?” Jake’s voice grated at him, scraping rough at his insides and making him wish this was already over. In all the time he’d spent with him before, he’d been pretty sure that under all this bullshit Azazel forced on them, Jake was a good man. That was nothing he wanted to remember now.
Sam cleared his throat, stood up just a little straighter. “Yeah. I do. We’ve been brought here by a demon, a demon whose blood we all share because he’s got plans for us. Now I know-“ He talked just a little louder, trying to force them to keep listening to him. “I know that sounds crazy. I know. But it’s true, and if we don’t all work together right now, we’re gonna be dead because at the moment, there is no way out of this town that he’s gonna let us take. There’s spirits here and demons and God only knows what else and he’s got all that at his disposal, so for the time being, we need to make some preparations.”
Predictably, that was when everyone started talking at once. He let them burn it out, let them all yell and rant almost unintelligibly until it was dying down and he could grab at least a fraction of their attention.
“Like I said…I know, sounds crazy. But we can all do something unexplainable, am I right?” Reluctant nods all around. Lily shoved her hands under her arms, crossed tight over her chest. “That’s because of him. And he wants us to use those powers for his own reasons, and we can’t do that.” Funny, that was exactly what he was going to do. Well, not the powers so much, but he was gonna play right into Azazel’s hands. Every time he thought about it, he never felt any less sick.
“Sam, it’s just…this is…”
“Crazy?”
Andy threw his hands up, at a loss. “Overwhelming! I mean, it’s one thing for you to show up and tell me I’ve got a crazy murderous twin brother and a whole other for you to tell me I’ve got demon blood and he wants me to…” Andy shook his head and Sam reached out to him, laying a hand on his arm.
“Andy, it’s gonna be alright, ok? I promise, we’re gonna figure this out.” His eyes flickered up, Jake’s, and he did his best not to look away. “Look, even if you think I’m crazy, you’ve gotta agree with me that we need to protect ourselves. We can set up a central meeting place, leave them to watch it while we go scout, see what we can find about exactly what’s around here, what weapons we grab, food, any of that.”
He could tell he already pretty much had Jake, but Lily spoke up first.
“Screw you. You can’t tell me to stay here, and you can’t make me believe there’s any kind of reason beyond what I can do. It’s not…it’s not natural, and it’s not anything I can use, and I am not staying here with all of you.”
“Lily…” She turned to walk away and he grabbed her hand, jerking her back. Her eyes went wide, obviously shocked that he wasn’t already dead and he smiled, tried not to look like he’d anticipated her shock too much. “I’m guessing your power doesn’t work on me.”
“…how…how did you-“
“None of our powers work on each other, Lily. I don’t know why, maybe because of us all sharing the same blood. What I do know, though, is that we can’t use them on each other, not like that. And Lily, here’s the thing…if I’m wrong and you stay here, well you don’t really lose anything except leaving here later than you wanted to and in a bigger group. But if I’m right and you try to leave, you’re dead. Sounds like a pretty easy bet to chose, if it were me.”
She bit her lip, considering, and Sam didn’t really wait for her to answer. He let go of her hand, turning back around to Andy. “Just…stay with her, ok? In that building right over there. We’ll be right back.”
“What if something…you said there were other…things here.” Really, no one could blame Andy for being freaked. Most people were supposed to be freaked out by this kind of thing.
“It’s ok. We won’t be long, just stay together.” Without Ava here, it stood to reason that as long as they didn’t leave them alone there forever, they were gonna be fine. She’d been the one to call the acheri to kill Lily and Andy before, after all. When he looked up at him again Jake nodded, and they waited until Andy and Lily were inside before they headed off down the street.
Jake was the one to break the silence. “Usin’ a variation of Pascal’s wager to argue with her; I liked that.”
“You caught that, huh?” Sam laughed, soft and nervous, though he hoped it didn’t sound quite that way.
“Yeah. My momma was Catholic, so…” He shrugged, his eyes scanning across the street as they headed into the building that looked like it had once belonged to a blacksmith. “You really believe all that stuff you told us? About the demon?”
“I don’t just believe it; I know it’s true.” They split up a little on the inside, walking around separate sides of the perimeter. “I’ve seen him, and I know that he wants us for his own reasons and whatever it is he wants, it can’t be good.”
“Well, if that’s true, we can’t let these people panic. Here.” They met in the middle at the back and Jake held his hand out, a rusty knife in his palm. “You can use this. I’ll find me somethin’ else.” He turned to head over to the wheel, and for a minute Sam was distracted by the memory of standing there before, watching him rip off a spoke and worrying about Dean, if he was alright, if he was even still alive…
Dean. That was why he was doing this anyway, why he had to act fast. He launched himself forward, practically tackling him from behind, one hand going to hold his chin back as he slashed at his throat with the knife. It wasn’t quite sharp enough, and though could hear him starting to choke on his own blood it hadn’t cut all the through the way through. He pitched forward, ending up sprawled and grasping on the ground and Sam gripped his shoulder to turn his body over. From where he knelt over him Jake looked up at him, eyes wide with shock, and Sam swallowed hard.
“ ‘M sorry. I had to.”
With that, he drove the knife into his heart.
He left it there, hilt quivering a little as he pulled away, and he rubbed his bloodstained hands in the dirt, getting most of it off. Nearer to the building there was a well and he could pull some water up and wash his hands there, and by the time he got back in to Andy and Lily he could have a good story to tell them, something about the acheri surprising them in the smith. Of course, he was pretty damn sure that knife was made of iron, but they didn’t need to know that.
He couldn’t bear to look back at Jake’s body, and though he wished he could’ve found a weapon in there to take back with him it just wasn’t worth going back in. There was salt in that building they were in, he remembered, and they’d make due. For now, he was going to take the first watch and let them sleep, and by the time Andy woke up and could take over for him, he’d be ready to get some sleep of his own and have a few words with Azazel.
‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’
That night, Azazel didn’t show. Sam woke up to the light in his eyes, streaming through the curtainless window, blinking rapidly and trying to wake up enough to check the salt lines. None of them were broken, and Andy slept curled up by the fire, head pillowed on his arms.
Lily, on the other hand, was gone.
He went to Andy, shaking his shoulder to wake him, and he brought his arm up to block when Andy flailed a little as he woke up.
“What, huh, I-“
“Andy, it’s me. It’s morning.” He gave him a second to sit up, rubbing hard at already red eyes. “Have you seen Lily?”
“…she was right here! I saw her, she fell asleep in that chair over there and…oh my God, we’re all gonna-“
“Hey, hey, it’s ok, Andy. Look at me, it’s ok, alright?” Clearly, Azazel had chosen what he thought was an easier mark, and he probably wasn’t all that wrong. With all that rage, Lily’d be easy to bend to his will. Sam knew that more than well enough. “I’m gonna go find her. You just stay here, inside the salt and make sure the lines aren’t broken, alright? You’ll be fine until I come to get you.” Which hopefully wouldn’t take all that long. He’d go out, do whatever he had to with Lily and come back and get Andy the hell out of town.
Andy agreed, still nervous as hell, and Sam tried not to feel bad for leaving him. If he didn’t go out and find Lily then she’d come at them on her terms, and that was something he didn’t want, particularly if Azazel was strengthening her. When he’d learned to use his powers before with Ruby they’d come at a good rate but still pretty slowly, but Jake had progressed incredibly fast and he’d decided when he thought about it later that it had to have something to do with Azazel’s influence in this place.
Outside, the streets were empty. So empty that he was really starting to wonder, because the farther he wandered the more he saw nothing. No signs of Lily, and no spirit activity either. Of course, he was glad about the ‘no spirit activity’ part because all he had was an iron poker and that was only gonna do him so much good.
When she jumped him from behind, he literally had no warning. He had the time to think that really, it was clever coming at him like this. Demonic activity he’d have expected, but a good old fashioned jumping? That wasn’t something he’d exactly been looking out for. She had some kind of bar between her hands and it pressed hard against his windpipe, cutting off his air even as he gasped for breath and tried to flip her. She yanked harder, the metal sawing against his skin and his throat burned painfully, colors flashing before his eyes as he stumbled to the ground.
He dropped the poker to claw at her arms, frantic and beyond all conscious reason. Dimly he heard a thud, felt her hands go weak as she dropped off his back and fell forward, the short metal pipe falling to the mud between his hands as he bent over, gasping for breath. Strong hands closed around the collar of his jacket then, hauling him up, and he found himself being pulled into Dean’s arms.
“Hey, hey, look at me, Sammy, look up here.”
He did, but it wasn’t easy. His vision still fuzzed out a little, and he wheezed around his bruised windpipe, one hand coming out to grasp Dean’s shoulder as Dean pulled him in a little closer, supporting most of his weight.
“Easy. You ok, little brother?”
His head was still several steps behind. “Dean?!”
Dean’s smile shined all the way through to his eyes, clearly relieved to hear him talking, and he wrapped Sam up fully in his arms, lips pressing warm against his temple. “Yeah. ‘M here. I got you.”
He took a deep breath, felt Dean’s chest move against his and he pushed himself back a little, the shock really starting to settle in. “Dean…what the hell? I told you not to-“
“Hey, I just saved your ass. You really still gonna try to tell me you had the right idea?” Dean pushed his hair back from his forehead, not so subtly checking him over. “Besides, don’t know what the hell you were thinkin’. Did you seriously think I was just gonna let you get zapped up here to demon central on your own?” He scoffed, not waiting for Sam to answer. “I mean really, Sam, that’s just…I kinda wanna say it’s a problem, but I really don’t wanna talk about it right now. Point is, I don’t care what you said, I’m still the big brother here, and if I think you need me I’m gonna be there to look out for you, end of story. I’d’ve come anyway, but with you sayin’ you were supposed to die up here, well…I mean, really, Sam, what were you thinking, man? You honestly thought I was just gonna roll over and accept that, just leave this all up to you and hope you came out ok?”
He’d been thinking lots of things, among them the fact that if he fucked up and he did die, he didn’t want Dean there to see it. Mostly, though, he’d been thinking that this town wasn’t safe for the people with his abilities, much less anyone else. “Wanted to keep you safe.” That seemed like the most concise answer.
“Good luck with that.” Dean was smirking, a measure of the bravado he’d been lacking there for awhile seeming to have returned in the act of saving Sam. Maybe he hadn’t all the way realized it before, but in some ways this was something Dean needed, looking after him, and in feeling like he couldn’t do it he’d been goin’ a little crazy. Safe or not, maybe this’d be good for him in the long run. At the moment, Sam was just glad he could breathe and even gladder to have Dean’s arm wrapped around his shoulders, warm and anchoring.
“We need to get Andy. I left him a few streets over.”
Dean nodded, insisted on keeping his arm around Sam as he got to his feet even though Sam was pretty sure he could’ve managed. “Yeah, I saw. Been following you since yesterday. Well, for the most part, at least. I branched out a little, scouted some but I mostly just followed and kept outta sight.”
“You mean you’ve been here the whole time?” So, not only did he severely underestimate Dean’s stubborn big brother complex, but he’d failed to even notice he was being followed. Fantastic.
“I’m just that good, Sammy, what can I say.” He winked, clearly certain of just where Sam’s thoughts had traveled. “Anyway, yeah, been here pretty much the whole time. Soon as you didn’t come back in about 15 minutes I went and checked, found the sulfur, jumped in the car and drove nearly straight here, bout 9 hours. Got here just a little ‘fore you woke up.”
He didn’t even know what to say. On one hand, he shouldn’t have been surprised. He’d gotten so used to Dean mostly following his lead in everything he’d known about the future, but he hadn’t stopped to think that most of the time, that was just on hunts. This involved him, and he should’ve realized much sooner that on that, Dean had never taken orders from anyone. Not even dad, and certainly not Sam. When it came to looking after his brother, Dean did whatever he deemed necessary, and this wasn’t the first time that instinct had saved Sam’s life. Not to mention everything else it had done for him over the years.
No matter how worried about Dean he was(and he was worried. Terrified, even.), when they got out of here, he was gonna have to thank him for that.
“Oh, shit. No! No, no…” He snapped back to attention, jerking his head in the direction Dean was looking, only to see smoke curling up from somewhere off to the right.
Oh, shit. Andy.
He pulled away from Dean, darting into an alley and running toward the smoke, and he only dimly heard Dean following him, calling after him. Once he’d run two streets over he came out onto the right one and he could see the flames, already licking past the roof. And between him and the door, there was the demon.
Sam skidded to a stop in the mud, Dean nearly crashing into him from behind, and the minute Dean’s eyes fell on him too they both gripped at each other’s jackets, each trying to haul the other one back.
Azazel turned slowly, his arms crossing over his chest. “Well isn’t that sweet. Think it’s a little late to be trying to hide your brother from me, Dean.” His eyes flashed, gleaming yellow that seemed even more radiant in the firelight. “After all, he is already mine, really. Or did he tell you that? I’m not really sure what you’re allowed to know these days.”
“You son of a-“
“Dean!” Dean had lunged forward but Sam caught him, arms hooking around Dean’s and yanking him back, holding him close to his chest. Dean was stronger, though, and he if he really struggled enough, Sam wasn’t gonna be able to hold him. He went instead for what might work, his voice dropping as he yanked Dean backwards just a little tighter. “Don’t fall for it. Don’t listen to him. We can’t trust a word he says, ok, just don’t do anything stupid right now; it’s not the time. Just stay with me.”
Dean was still breathing like he’d run 10 miles but Sam felt his muscles go slack, saw the slight tilt of his jaw that could’ve passed for a nod and he let him go. He tried to step just in front of him, to put himself between them but Dean’s hand shot out and pressed against his chest, holding him back and keeping them even.
“Oh, it’s alright, Dean. I won’t hurt him. In fact, I’ve never hurt him, I’ve only ever helped him be all he can be, but you people just can’t seem to understand that.” He shrugged, strolled a little closer. “You know, Sam, you disappointed me. I was proud when you killed Jake because whatever your motives were, kiddo, that showed potential. But not anticipating me going to Lily…” He clucked his tongue, shaking his head. “Elementary move. Think you’re getting rusty, Sam.”
He wasn’t in the mood. Andy was dead and he had Dean with him, and he just couldn’t afford to dick around with the bastard right now. He wrapped his fingers around Dean’s wrist, squeezing till he let Sam push his hand away and step forward. “Alright. I’ll do your dirty work. Just give me the gun.”
Azazel laughed, long and deep, and suddenly the Colt was there in his hands, being twirled between his fingers. “Hold up there, Tex. I mean, this is just too good to be true, but that’s the real catch of it, isn’t it? You, Sam, are too good to be true. Sure, you try to be the good boy, try to come back in time and right all your wrongs. Tell me, Sam, do you really think it could be that simple? You can’t change your nature, Sam, and you can’t change Dean’s. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved, especially not from themselves.”
“Give me the goddamn gun.” His voice quaked with rage, and he didn’t let himself look back at Dean out of the corner of his eye. He didn’t want to know what he’d see.
“I mean, I haven’t really seen that future, but oh the things I’ve heard about it…and you know what? I think Dean was still saying yes for you. Because maybe if he said yes to Michael, then you wouldn’t-“
“You shut your fucking mouth!” He lost it, closed the last few feet between them and gripped his shirt in his hands, fury blinding him just enough to keep him from thinking better of it. Azazel just laughed, and he could feel Dean jerking on his arm and his collar, pulling him back. He clenched his jaw, stared Azazel down with his chest heaving in frustration. “Give me. The damn. Gun.”
“Thought you’d never ask.”
He held it out, barrel first, and the minute Sam’s fingers brushed the metal he was gone.
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Master post is here.