Random entry is random
Is it just me, or is lj running EXTREMELY slow today? I've tried to comment on like, 5 things and it refuses to let me. I don't even know if it'll let me post this. O.o Then again, it could be my school's internet...I hate our internet, X.X
So I'm writing this fic for a prompt over at avengerkink, because I just couldn't resist it. It's just a oneshot or whatever, but the thought of it just made me literally make grabby hands at my screen it was so awesome, lmao See, I always talk about Han Solo as my first love, and in a lot of ways he was...he was the first man that I looked at and wanting to marry him/idolizing him was my first thought, lol But Wolverine was my first true hero, my first in lots of things really. He and Han were my epic idols growing up...and really the still are, but I mean as a kid, they meant more to me than I can say. I can remember being tiny and literally wanting to be Wolvie, like, that was my thought process. I wanna be just like, him, which explains a lot about me, really, lmao (of course, I love that I've been like this my whole life, but y'know, XD) But so, this is my first time writing him, and it's like...it's this awesome full circle kind of thing for me. It's like I'm coming back to where I started but thinking about it as an adult and realizing the effect he's had on my entire life.
Like, here's three random examples(including the one that made me want to write this entry real fast, lol):
-I used to look everywhere we went for red trucks with Canadian plates, because in one of the comics dad had read me, that's the truck Wolvie was driving. I seriously 100% thought he was real, and no one could have ever convinced me otherwise. I thought there was a Logan somewhere out there that fought with the X-Men and helped keep the world safe, and I slept better at night when I thought about him watching over me. Every recurring nightmare that has happened in my life(with two exceptions) has gone away only when he came into my dream and killed the monster. The most recent of those incidences happened just a few years ago when he appeared in my dream to kill this evil red eyed thing that kept creeping into my room and trying to kill me. A lot of people see him as this utter jackass(and sure, he can be a jackass), but he's so, so much more than that, and to me he's always meant safety and protection. I used to have conversations with Han in my dreams about major events going on in my life(I was a weird kid, and I'm happy to say I've stayed weird, haha), so it was kind of weird but I can't remember ever having a substantial conversation with Wolvie in my dreams...the most I remember hearing him speak to me was once when he saved me and my dog from this giant bee(I was like, 7 or 8 in this dream), and he picked me up and was all "You're ok, kid, you're ok." in his gruff way and in the dream I just wrapped my arms around his neck and didn't look at the dead thing on the ground and sometime after that I woke up...
-I have only met one guy in my life whose name was Logan. And I had a crush on him the whole time I knew him, a huge one. ...because his name was Logan. Seriously. lol (and that would be what I just remembered and wanted to share with you guys, haha) The corollary to this(and something that I feel like I should send in to post secret, lmao) is that if I met a guy named Logan today? I'd bet a lot of money I'd have the same response, at least initially. I feel like a psychologist could have a field day with this, because I'm not sure if it's because I associate the name so much with protectiveness and love or if it's because I want to be able to call the man I'm with Logan. IDK. (also, finding out that his name was originally James was a very weird experience for me. I cannot call him James, most of the time not even in my head for a second. It's very weird for me, because he just is Logan. I think it suits him.)
-When I was tiny and I got really really mad, I got in the habit of clenching my fists. This wasn't because I wanted to hit someone, in fact the thought of hitting them never occurred to me. Nope, it was because in the comics, Wolvie did that sometimes when he got pissed, a lot of times even sliding his claws out, like a dog's hackles rising. I wished so hard for my own claws anyway, and I'd imagine them sliding out of my knuckles with that characteristic snikt sound. This became so ingrained in me that I still do that same motion today when I'm furious, automatically. Most of the time the claws thing doesn't even come to mind anymore, it's just reflex, but I definitely still don't think of it in terms of wanting to punch anyone.
And I mean, those are just the things that have immediately come to mind since I started working on this. I know there's more; I know the effects of him woven through my life have got to be everywhere. And really, to me....that's as it should be. He was(and is) my very first hero. My Wolverine action figure was loved so hard that dad had to superglue his arm back on, lmao I was not a kid that played with dolls, at all, but my X-Men action figures went on so, so many adventures. Twice in my life, dad built me versions of the Danger Room to play with them in, an it would come to life in my imagination as I played with it, Wolverine leading the team on insane practice missions...
Anyway, I need to get back to writing this fic. I was just...it's interesting sometimes, seeing how things have effected your own life. I can't help but wonder how I would've turned out if I hadn't had a father awesome enough to start reading me X-Men comics at the age a lot of my friends were reading Pat the Bunny...but I don't really want to know.
So I'm writing this fic for a prompt over at avengerkink, because I just couldn't resist it. It's just a oneshot or whatever, but the thought of it just made me literally make grabby hands at my screen it was so awesome, lmao See, I always talk about Han Solo as my first love, and in a lot of ways he was...he was the first man that I looked at and wanting to marry him/idolizing him was my first thought, lol But Wolverine was my first true hero, my first in lots of things really. He and Han were my epic idols growing up...and really the still are, but I mean as a kid, they meant more to me than I can say. I can remember being tiny and literally wanting to be Wolvie, like, that was my thought process. I wanna be just like, him, which explains a lot about me, really, lmao (of course, I love that I've been like this my whole life, but y'know, XD) But so, this is my first time writing him, and it's like...it's this awesome full circle kind of thing for me. It's like I'm coming back to where I started but thinking about it as an adult and realizing the effect he's had on my entire life.
Like, here's three random examples(including the one that made me want to write this entry real fast, lol):
-I used to look everywhere we went for red trucks with Canadian plates, because in one of the comics dad had read me, that's the truck Wolvie was driving. I seriously 100% thought he was real, and no one could have ever convinced me otherwise. I thought there was a Logan somewhere out there that fought with the X-Men and helped keep the world safe, and I slept better at night when I thought about him watching over me. Every recurring nightmare that has happened in my life(with two exceptions) has gone away only when he came into my dream and killed the monster. The most recent of those incidences happened just a few years ago when he appeared in my dream to kill this evil red eyed thing that kept creeping into my room and trying to kill me. A lot of people see him as this utter jackass(and sure, he can be a jackass), but he's so, so much more than that, and to me he's always meant safety and protection. I used to have conversations with Han in my dreams about major events going on in my life(I was a weird kid, and I'm happy to say I've stayed weird, haha), so it was kind of weird but I can't remember ever having a substantial conversation with Wolvie in my dreams...the most I remember hearing him speak to me was once when he saved me and my dog from this giant bee(I was like, 7 or 8 in this dream), and he picked me up and was all "You're ok, kid, you're ok." in his gruff way and in the dream I just wrapped my arms around his neck and didn't look at the dead thing on the ground and sometime after that I woke up...
-I have only met one guy in my life whose name was Logan. And I had a crush on him the whole time I knew him, a huge one. ...because his name was Logan. Seriously. lol (and that would be what I just remembered and wanted to share with you guys, haha) The corollary to this(and something that I feel like I should send in to post secret, lmao) is that if I met a guy named Logan today? I'd bet a lot of money I'd have the same response, at least initially. I feel like a psychologist could have a field day with this, because I'm not sure if it's because I associate the name so much with protectiveness and love or if it's because I want to be able to call the man I'm with Logan. IDK. (also, finding out that his name was originally James was a very weird experience for me. I cannot call him James, most of the time not even in my head for a second. It's very weird for me, because he just is Logan. I think it suits him.)
-When I was tiny and I got really really mad, I got in the habit of clenching my fists. This wasn't because I wanted to hit someone, in fact the thought of hitting them never occurred to me. Nope, it was because in the comics, Wolvie did that sometimes when he got pissed, a lot of times even sliding his claws out, like a dog's hackles rising. I wished so hard for my own claws anyway, and I'd imagine them sliding out of my knuckles with that characteristic snikt sound. This became so ingrained in me that I still do that same motion today when I'm furious, automatically. Most of the time the claws thing doesn't even come to mind anymore, it's just reflex, but I definitely still don't think of it in terms of wanting to punch anyone.
And I mean, those are just the things that have immediately come to mind since I started working on this. I know there's more; I know the effects of him woven through my life have got to be everywhere. And really, to me....that's as it should be. He was(and is) my very first hero. My Wolverine action figure was loved so hard that dad had to superglue his arm back on, lmao I was not a kid that played with dolls, at all, but my X-Men action figures went on so, so many adventures. Twice in my life, dad built me versions of the Danger Room to play with them in, an it would come to life in my imagination as I played with it, Wolverine leading the team on insane practice missions...
Anyway, I need to get back to writing this fic. I was just...it's interesting sometimes, seeing how things have effected your own life. I can't help but wonder how I would've turned out if I hadn't had a father awesome enough to start reading me X-Men comics at the age a lot of my friends were reading Pat the Bunny...but I don't really want to know.