the limits of my understanding
Various political and personal events over the past five years have made me feel that it is necessary for me to write this post, at least for myself even if no one else gets anything out of it. This is a post I've been meaning to write for a long time, although some of it is stuff I've mentioned before. If the topic seems somewhat random, deal.
I have come to the realisation that anti-Semitism probably bothers me more than any other type of discrimination. You may be thinking that this is because I am Jewish, but I am many other things and I don't mind dealing with discrimination against them nearly as much. I think it's because I find it easier to combat other types of discrimination. I've had to deal with sexists who inform me that women aren't as smart as men, but I can disprove it by being a fairly intelligent person. There are those who think that bisexuals can't handle monogamy and that we all sleep around a lot. But I've only ever been in monogamous relationships, and the one I've been in with Bear has lasted over four years. So I can once again disprove a stereotype just by being myself.
But what do people say about Jews? We're smart, we're good with money, and we control everything. Well, I have a degree in economics and I consider myself to be smart, but I don't control the world. But how would I disprove any of these things anyway? "No really, some of my Jewish friends are morons. Plus no bank will give them a checking account since their credit's so bad." And when I tell people like this that we have no extra amount of control, they don't believe me anyway.
Now you may be wondering why I would even care, that these people aren't worth my time anyway. But the thing is, I'm friends with sexist homophobes. I refuse to stop talking to someone just because they're prejudiced against something I am, because I always hope that by being friends with me they will start to re-think how they feel. Sure, I sometimes end up friends with people who make an exception for me and no one else, but I think it's important to at least get them to start by making that one exception. Then maybe they'll eventually have to make exceptions for two people, and then ten, and then they'll have to come up with a whole new plan in their heads of what to think of "those people." This may be naïve of me, but I'm all right with that.
But I can't be quite so generous with anti-Semites. For some reason I find that group of people far more unreasonable than others, and again I don't think being friends with me will create any exceptions in their head about Jews because although their feelings are negative their stereotypes about me aren't. So I can't be friends with them, and I think I'm even at a point where I don't know if I can be friends with people who are friends with them. Which maybe makes me intolerant of other people's tolerance for others' intolerance, but I think I'm okay with that.
For reference, I feel similarly about other forms of racism. I don't end up maintaining friendships with people who hate Blacks, or Latinos, or Asians, or any other group. I might feel differently if I was actually a member of any of these groups, but then again maybe I wouldn't.
Examples of the personal arguments I've had with one person about this can be found here and here. They're not the only ones I've ever had, but they're the only ones I've ever documented in my LJ.
I have come to the realisation that anti-Semitism probably bothers me more than any other type of discrimination. You may be thinking that this is because I am Jewish, but I am many other things and I don't mind dealing with discrimination against them nearly as much. I think it's because I find it easier to combat other types of discrimination. I've had to deal with sexists who inform me that women aren't as smart as men, but I can disprove it by being a fairly intelligent person. There are those who think that bisexuals can't handle monogamy and that we all sleep around a lot. But I've only ever been in monogamous relationships, and the one I've been in with Bear has lasted over four years. So I can once again disprove a stereotype just by being myself.
But what do people say about Jews? We're smart, we're good with money, and we control everything. Well, I have a degree in economics and I consider myself to be smart, but I don't control the world. But how would I disprove any of these things anyway? "No really, some of my Jewish friends are morons. Plus no bank will give them a checking account since their credit's so bad." And when I tell people like this that we have no extra amount of control, they don't believe me anyway.
Now you may be wondering why I would even care, that these people aren't worth my time anyway. But the thing is, I'm friends with sexist homophobes. I refuse to stop talking to someone just because they're prejudiced against something I am, because I always hope that by being friends with me they will start to re-think how they feel. Sure, I sometimes end up friends with people who make an exception for me and no one else, but I think it's important to at least get them to start by making that one exception. Then maybe they'll eventually have to make exceptions for two people, and then ten, and then they'll have to come up with a whole new plan in their heads of what to think of "those people." This may be naïve of me, but I'm all right with that.
But I can't be quite so generous with anti-Semites. For some reason I find that group of people far more unreasonable than others, and again I don't think being friends with me will create any exceptions in their head about Jews because although their feelings are negative their stereotypes about me aren't. So I can't be friends with them, and I think I'm even at a point where I don't know if I can be friends with people who are friends with them. Which maybe makes me intolerant of other people's tolerance for others' intolerance, but I think I'm okay with that.
For reference, I feel similarly about other forms of racism. I don't end up maintaining friendships with people who hate Blacks, or Latinos, or Asians, or any other group. I might feel differently if I was actually a member of any of these groups, but then again maybe I wouldn't.
Examples of the personal arguments I've had with one person about this can be found here and here. They're not the only ones I've ever had, but they're the only ones I've ever documented in my LJ.