vs
Lucille Ball vs
The Rolling Stones 1950s TV icon Lucile Ball is today pitted against the aged (and pitted) rockers who make up The Rolling Stones. Who will be walking away from this fight and into Round Three? VOTE NOW!
Winner:
The Rolling Stones (9 votes)
over
Lucille Ball (4 votes)
I could not have predicted the outcome of this battle when I posted it yesterday. Regardless, the Stones continue on to Round Three, still led by the seemingly-indestructible Keith Richards.
Featured commentary:
Lucille, with her simple 1950's sensibilities and freaky cauliflower haircut (or is it a mushroom? I can't tell), somehow manages to clean up the boys through sheer lovability. She won't kill them, though...and that would be her undoing. After tucking them in one night (If 8pm is good enough for Mr. Eisenhower, then by god, it's good enough for this family, too), at the stroke of midnight, Keith Richards' internal alarm clock goes off. He has an alarm clock embedded in his sinuses due to snorting one in its entirety when someone told him you can get high off the glow in the dark stuff on watch hands. This particular clock had no glow in the dark stuff, it just happened to be the first clock Richards could find while he was jonesing for a glow high. Anyway, this is one of those clocks with a radio station to wake you up, and it picks up some college radio station. A college radio station late at night, playing questionable music for questionable people. After all, who's really up at midnight? Anyway. All it takes is one heavy, slightly distorted guitar riff, and Keith Richards' undying subconscious takes over. The first thing he does, is he finds anything silk and tears it into strips, which he ties randomly on parts of his body, completely ignoring any sense of artistic placement or colour matching. Then he does the same with beads. When he can't find quite enough beads, he molds a few directly onto his hair out of some handy cookie dough. Lastly, he spends a good couple of hours in Lucy's sewing room turning his pants into bellbottoms. Then he takes a nap. Lucy wakes him up later, all pissed off, but it's well known that Richards will kill any roadie sent to wake him, mostly gruesomely, and he even insisted on staying asleep for four days once when they weren't on tour just so they'd finally send someone, because dammit, he just liked the taste of blood sometimes. So anyway, Lucy wakes him, and he kills the shit out of her. What, you wanted an epic killing description? Go dig up Charles Dickens' grave and snuggle the old bastard until he writes you one. Girls need not apply. Hell, anyone who's not a fair-haired freckle-cheeked fresh young lad of 12 need not apply. -
whatsupdog