(no subject)
So Brandon wants to get back together. He gave me his ring back. I'm really at a turning point I think.
I told Pat that Brandon wanted to get back together and he was like "I know, and you're going to. I could tell the way you talk to him." I feel really really really shitty. I've put Pat into this really shitty position and it's totally unfair to him. The worse part is that he's like this really sweet, really great and amazing person. After our two week romance, which was absolutely fantastic, I had to break it off. I don't know, part of me wants to believe that Pat and I were never really going to work out anyway. Maybe I'm just justifying it to myself. He said to me that letting me go is probably going to be the worst mistake of his life. When I said that he could do better than me, someone who's not fawning over their ex his response was "how do you do better than perfection?"
I don't even know if I want to get back with Brandon. Like I do because I love him and I know him and it was hard with him not in my life, but there's been so much pain over the past month that it's really hard for me to look past that. I really don't want to get hurt again so soon. I've only recently been able to function again like a normal human being. It's taken a lot of time and tears for me to get to this point. We're going to talk on Monday and there's a lot of things that I need from him. Seriously for us to get back together it really is going to have to be on my terms. Cuz I'm not going to go through it again if it's going to be the same. I do love Brandon, more than anyone. But honestly, I kinda did get over him. I did manage to move on. I'm actually finding it hard to go back. It's like backtracking. Maybe I'm just thinking about all the misery I recently experienced and I don't want it back. I want something that is healthier.
It will be different this time around. I do intend to try and work it out with Brandon. It's something that I have to do. Pat said that I don't have to do it, but I really do. I don't know why I have to, but I do. I love him too much to not.
I'm on the phone with Brandon right now and he's crying....i can't finish this right now.
I told Pat that Brandon wanted to get back together and he was like "I know, and you're going to. I could tell the way you talk to him." I feel really really really shitty. I've put Pat into this really shitty position and it's totally unfair to him. The worse part is that he's like this really sweet, really great and amazing person. After our two week romance, which was absolutely fantastic, I had to break it off. I don't know, part of me wants to believe that Pat and I were never really going to work out anyway. Maybe I'm just justifying it to myself. He said to me that letting me go is probably going to be the worst mistake of his life. When I said that he could do better than me, someone who's not fawning over their ex his response was "how do you do better than perfection?"
I don't even know if I want to get back with Brandon. Like I do because I love him and I know him and it was hard with him not in my life, but there's been so much pain over the past month that it's really hard for me to look past that. I really don't want to get hurt again so soon. I've only recently been able to function again like a normal human being. It's taken a lot of time and tears for me to get to this point. We're going to talk on Monday and there's a lot of things that I need from him. Seriously for us to get back together it really is going to have to be on my terms. Cuz I'm not going to go through it again if it's going to be the same. I do love Brandon, more than anyone. But honestly, I kinda did get over him. I did manage to move on. I'm actually finding it hard to go back. It's like backtracking. Maybe I'm just thinking about all the misery I recently experienced and I don't want it back. I want something that is healthier.
It will be different this time around. I do intend to try and work it out with Brandon. It's something that I have to do. Pat said that I don't have to do it, but I really do. I don't know why I have to, but I do. I love him too much to not.
I'm on the phone with Brandon right now and he's crying....i can't finish this right now.